Sleeping too much

Hi @Former-Member

Yes the golden rule can be a great guide .. but also does not help us love people who need to be loved differently than we know how. There are so many people, and a lot of them with different needs.

I NEVER think people are disgusting .. pleez dont jump from others walking away ... to that judgement about yourself.

My silly dying brother sent me an email with a dig in it .. saying 'lots of love isnt enough for me" ... out of the blue .. he used to be into toastmasters .. always trying for a table topic .. outwitting .. full of superiority over the poor siblings that went back to mother .. and lots of that business ra ra ra .. mind over matter stuff .. he knows he cant swallow his old words .. but it doesnt matter .. I will love him regardless ..

it is just silly talk .. cos he has to face his end ... and pain ... he is staying with my sister ... who cut me off .. like yours and we cant really understand why ..

I get that your nursing made you a good and competent and effective mother ... so many people that walk away .. are probably not happier .. its just that people seem married to their dreams more than people ...

Re @Decadian rave .. I used to buy tops or bottoms only .. to make up whatever I needed at the time .. clothes have gotten so much cheaper.

It is good to have your company @Former-Member ...

'Morning @Former-Member ..... 😏

💒 = ✅

@Former-Member@Appleblossom

I have a TS too and I certainly understand what you are saying. I was so happy to have a baby sister - I still love her no matter what she does. I don't know that we have much control over who we love but indeed - we do not have to be a slave to their wishes nor a victim to their spite.

When I was meditating this morning - or whatever I was doing after a night disturbed with allergies - I thought about my TS and I know she is not happy - and that she may be suffering from our mother's death in more ways than I have - but my reflections ran deeper - I have reached out to her too often to take another smack in the teeth - really - she will have to make that effort and come to me - and I am not the kind of person who easily turns someone away -

So I will wait

And when it comes to loving ourselves - that's a toughie - I remember teaching my Sunday School class that one - and they all insisted that they did not love themselves and I was young myself - very young - and had no idea about what I was teaching from a book (teacher's handbook - not The Book) I did not really understand - that was so long ago

I think though - that women in my generation, yours too, my mother's - however far back we can reach - were not taught to have respect for themselves - I remember my mother putting me down, putting me down, putting me down - and the hardest voice in the world to turn off in our mental DVDs is our mother's.

Her voice is the first we hear - when we are still in utero - the voice we hear telling us we are a "very naughty little girl" - both our parents at us during adolscence - and as young wives - young husbands really giving us a mouthful every time we fail

We are almost programmed for self-hate - I wonder any of us ever overcome this.

A friend of mine told me only on Friday what a mad mother her son has told her she is, I have had this too - how many others - yes - our generations get it from both sides

One thing that is great about this Forum - we do validate each other, we do take that time to consider what we say - we care - we do not want to hurt feelings and I have seen this - even in posts I only read - that people are aching to care about the others, to learn, to understand.

What we did not know in the past is not something we need to hold against ourselves - other people are busy doing that

And about having a choice about our feelings - what your GP says about MI being a choice @Former-Member - I don't agree with that at all. Feelings - whatever they are - are valid even if they are not sound - and we can only make a choice when we really understand that. Even so - even so - ever get stuck in the middle of a thought - ah yes - we have a past full of mistakes - and our regrets are there - and it takes time and courage to move past it

Somehow I think that people who try and convince us that our ill-feelings are a choice - they have not yet had ill-feelings at such a depth - as you said elsewhere - we can't understand anyone else until we have climbed inside their skin - and even then - we are still ourselves -

We all have to learn not to be so hard on ourselves - other people are really good at that - we need to give ourselves a break

Decadian