Hot Chocolate Anyone ?

Dearest @Faith-and-Hope

Golly, you ahve a LOT on your plate !

I cannot believe I've survived the week actually and my main issue is my husband and.........

a dog called Arlo.

BUT.little showing off here.....Looks like I've done the right things with my youngest son and he was'nt going to call and cancel his appiontment on the hospital next week, they are checking his head and the headaches and throwing up he had........but I stayed on his back and told him that a lot of Doctors and time and work goes into him getting regular MRIs done and his NErologist is one of the best in the country. If he doesnt turn up, he will get a bad reputation and he will stop someone else being called up to get a really important test done so he cancelled and rearranged!!

Yay!!

Then I sent a text to my oldest son and told him how much I loved and missed him.

Tomorrow I must remember to go and get my medication from the chemist.

So proud of you @Faith-and-Hope this what I feel in my family, I have broken a cycle of crazy women in my heritage with me.

I know how you feel. I think. I'm feeling if I do nothing, no pushing, things will work out properly.

Do you know what I mean?

Oh golly @Faith-and-Hope and @Ceebubbles

@Ceebubbles that woman @Faith-and-Hope is one very caring lady. Creative too.

I've been reading what @Faith-and-Hope wrote to you and she wrotes:

They eventually decided that the games weren't achieving anything, and they witnessed the joy in the close, loving relationships I had with others .... and progressively melted. They wanted what I had, which I wasn't making available to them.

The more they gave genuinely, the more I gave genuinely in return, but quickly put politeness barriers back up at the first sign of any monkey business .... they learned through trial and error.

We were in a family business together, so there was no clean break available, or I would have taken it ....

Unfortunately my hubby's illness has blurred the lines again, and until he is diagnosed and treated, we are treading water in a very uncomfortable dynamic .... but at least his family have become worried about him too ....

It's all that background history of dysfunction that has contributed to his current state of illness ... blindsided by it .... but that's what we've got ....

@Faith-and-Hope can you help me understand that your ex hubands and your inlaws fight with your nature? Is this right? This is what I get out of this writing that you write.

Do you mean that your MIL family saw that you are genuine and they appreciated this?

REmember there is no....asking you to be hiumble here, just speak what you mean, we already know that you are humble. You are allowed to say, " yeah, I am genuine and I am loving.' and you wont be judged for being anything but that.

My MIL HATED me when we got married.........my husband was diagnsed with Chronic PAranoid Schizophrenia years and years ago. I left him for two years and he decided to quit drugs and alcohol to be back with me. We are getting along now though.......it's good, about three weeks ago she told me that she loved me.

This is what I believe:

women are so often the targets of one's unconscious projections (no matter whether you are male or female).
No matter what; you sons will treat their future partners like they treat you.

Hi @PeppiPatty 🙂

WH is not my ex .... I refer to him as my Wayward Husband because he has lost his way for the moment .... I fully intend to have him back ..... ❣ He just needs to get himself un-lost first .... 😏

My MIL didn't mean to hate me .... she probably didn't even realise that's what her thoughts, attitudes, and behaviours amounted to .... it's just that she had invested all her mis-directed emotional dysfunction in her sons, because she had no other way of processing the traumas she had experienced in her own life, but it meant that any woman who came along and drew her sons' attention away from her, or presumed to "own" him instead of her .... that woman immediately became her advisary ...

She has more than one son, and no daughters, and the other sons were raised as heart-breakers .... but I met and married one of her sons when we were both barely out of our teens .... and he escaped those lessons, but still she competed with me and tried to make him choose loyalty for her over me .... and at the moment, in this unwell state he is in, that has happened now in a way it hadn't happened back then ....

Because she supports him to continue being ill, supports his dysfunctional, unwell behaviour choices and accommodates them within her home, her jogs over to her house twice a day and spends time in her company, chatting and socialising with her in a way he no longer does with me .... and I have had to let him go in that, for now ....

Until he is diagnosed and brought back to a place of wellness, I have no way to compete with either his, or her, dysfunction to try to win his attention back.

Its very sad, but I have to remain pragmatic about it .... and just hold all our lives together while we wait for him to come out of his state of denial and mental fog .... and may that be soon !!

sending you hugs my friend @Faith-and-Hopexx

Hello @PeppiPatty, great to see you xx

Hello @Anony18, @Ceebubbles, @Former-Member

I think my MIL thinks I have fixed up her son (My hubby)

Hello @Ceebubbles

I am my hubby`s second wife

the inlaws hated their son`s first wife , and blamed her for everything what happened to their son

My husband has four children to his first wife

When we got married my FIL said I will be perfect for their son

we have had lots of ups and downs , but last year he ended up in hospital and the inlaws said to me -- what happened !!!!!!!

I felt it was all my fault , My FIL died this year and before he died he said to me keep up the good work

what am I , DIL, wife , stepmother , sister inlaw or am i someone to fix their son xx