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Hot Chocolate Anyone ?

Hot Chocolate Anyone ?

Hi All

There is a thread operating on the Lived Experience Forum under Night Shift where members who are having trouble sleeping for any reason give a bit of a shout-out, to see if there is anyone else sleepless and looking for company. It's been such a great thing, I thought I would start one over here too.

I have had the odd few nights where I have woken up on and off, and my kids have been having a bit of trouble some nights too, depending on what has happened during the day.

Being a carer can be lonely too, so if you are making an after-midnight cup of something hot, and wonder who else might be doing that too, maybe have a look-in here and see if anyone else is about.

☕️

21372 replies

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In response to: Hot Chocolate Anyone ?

Re: Hot Chocolate Anyone ?

@Former-Member - opened it thinking your exciting story was posted....you are keeping the suspense alright. Good one haha.

Oh are you into Russian dolls?

In response to: Re: Hot Chocolate Anyone ?

Re: Hot Chocolate Anyone ?

@Anony18 ahahahah hey I can't put my stuff before others! I need to answer everyone's more important things than my weird :pile_of_poo: 😛

Oh and that's how I equate my "recovery" working through my Babushka Russian Dolls. There always seems to be more.. and I think you have given me a whole new subset. I thought I was nearing the end... but think you have pointed out there's still a bunch more to go just a different series. The "carer" series

In response to: Re: Hot Chocolate Anyone ?

Re: Hot Chocolate Anyone ?

Unashamedly

Good afternoon @Former-Member @Former-Member @Anony18 and everybody

I love your Dolls pic @Former-Member

Waiting with bated breathe

In response to: Hot Chocolate Anyone ?

Re: Hot Chocolate Anyone ?

Oh @Former-Member - as I typed and posted so did you and now understand what you mean by Russian Dolls.

I definitely get where you coming from. And that is the conversation to have about the things he has said that was hurtful cause it can never be repeated and actions he needs to take going forward rather than revert to these hurtful words. If he obviously does not see that what he said or did was wrong then I have to really reassess if this is worth it.

I tip-toed alot around him in the past when he first told me about his depression. Not knowing what to say. Worrying it will trigger it all so I kept my feelings and thought so much more about him first. As you said my post still had that effect and agree to some effect I do to reflect on myself and clearly articulate what he has done and what I need to say. But I am very aware that this conversation no matter what needs to happen. Of course the conversation cannot happen without him in it. And I need to have it face to face.

The "limbo" is so hard but it is hard cause am the type of person who feels I need to know. The sooner the better. That is my impatience.

I have spoken to some friends about this and they said right this moment may not be a good time. We both need to cool and calm down as the event is fresh in our minds and also he is sick, being grumpy, so way either can have a rational discussion. I have written in a letter all I need to say. Justifying why I acted the way I did but acknowledging it was not right but also mentioning the things he has said/done that are wrong whether he realised and chooses to agree or dispute. And we shall see what he says from that...whenever that is.

In response to: Re: Hot Chocolate Anyone ?

Re: Hot Chocolate Anyone ?

Oh they are so pretty @Former-Member! Haha well you are too kind to be so considerate of others. Whilst here I am posting in between everyone else!

In response to: Re: Hot Chocolate Anyone ?

Re: Hot Chocolate Anyone ?

they are so pretty @Tookyspookims

In response to: Hot Chocolate Anyone ?

Re: Hot Chocolate Anyone ?

@Faith-and-Hope I love how self aware you are. I think that really helps you and it is part of the reason you cope so well and despite a heck of a lot of :pile_of_poo: you somehow manage to balance things so well.

I believe mindfulness is so important and your art, centre-ing yourself in the moment when you paint, your conscious awareness to the importance of assessing situations as objectively as possible all contribute to your ability to cope. However I still worry for you, because you are not superwoman.. (well I don't think you are, you might be 😛 ) and there is a tipping point somewhere.

Something that came to mind when I read your post was "gaslighting" I don't know if you are familar with the term. It is a colloquial term based on a black and white movie that was made in the late 50s I think it was (may have been early 60s not 100% sure of that one) .. anyhow... it is based on the observation Festinger made regarding his coining of the term and theory of "cognitive dissonance", also in the 50s I believe.

The reason your post brings this to mind is when you say your hubby throws out that is you, not him, who suffers from a MI. If you are familiar with cognitive dissonance and how it works, that "surreal" dynamic you mention is a form of cognitive dissonance (gaslighting).

Are you familiar with either gaslighting or cognitive dissonance, or perhaps both? Just curious.

In response to: Hot Chocolate Anyone ?

Re: Hot Chocolate Anyone ?

Yes @Former-Member .... and that is part of the limbo I am in .... but those on the know regarding WH's hidden eating disordered behaviours can see what's going on, so it's a matter of either sitting in limbo, or leaving, which will result in damage across the board, even though the objective of exposing the e.d. would be achieved in the process ....

You guys are helping me walk the tight-rope, as is the psychologist .... it's the mental health of all of us that is at stake, and it shows just what a destructive, insidious disease an eating disorder is ..... it's is so much more than body dysmorphia .... that's just the part that shows on the surface, like an iceberg .....

When the truth breaks out, it will take care of the gaslighting .... but it came across to the dr in the first few years as if I were gaslighting WH. And I can understand that that was how it looked. Truth reveals, and truth heals .....

In response to: Re: Hot Chocolate Anyone ?

Re: Hot Chocolate Anyone ?

@Anony18 good ok, well you have support there so that's good. Kind of relieved to know that. The letter idea is a good one. You have done as much as you can so now it's a waiting game for when things "settle" and you can address the issues and take it from there. That's good you have it under control as much as you can, yes the impatience but at least it lessens what there is rolling around in your head because you seem to have done as much as you can for now. Still not easy waiting it out, I "get" that. 😬

@Faith-and-HopeThat's interesting. But as long as others see what's going on that means it isn't a closed dynamic, which is far "easier" at least more steadying, so that's a positive right there. 👍

@Appleblossomhahaha ok... for you and Anony and Shaz.... I'll now set about trying to write about my weird :pile_of_poo: 😛

In response to: Re: Hot Chocolate Anyone ?

Re: Hot Chocolate Anyone ?

@Faith-and-Hope@Shaz51@Appleblossom@Anony18@Former-Member@Smc@Determined

Tookyguru weird :pile_of_poo:

First off this is not the first time stuff like this has happened to me, but it is the first time since my PTSD hit. Which (for mainstream psychiatrists) is rather perplexing apparently, but hey that’s another story entirely.

Anyhow, you are all going to think I’m Spookytookims now, instead of Tookyspookims:- but here goes anyhow.

It was the best of times, it was the worst of time (hahaha). The night was dark and dreary. The tv murmured in the background, and the almost silent rotation of the treadmill belt whirled in a rhythmic frictional drag. The timer beeped a completed session, the whirling slowed, the frictional drag sound stilled and I stepped off the belt onto the floor. Grabbing the towelette, I wiped my face and arms and reached for the water bottle to replenish my internal water supply. In doing so, I glanced up to the archway leading into the kitchen and saw a strange mist billowing from the opening. As there was no smell, it did not strike me that it could be smoke, it was a much lighter , whiter, wispy, gas like entity.

Still wiping my face I walked over to the entrance and looked down the hallway. The whole room, right up to the high raked ceilings was full of some kind of mist. I glanced over at the battery powered clock on the wall and because of the second hand, realised it had stopped. I walked down the hallway to the other end of the house, into the study, and the other battery powered wall clock in the house had stopped too, although the time showed 10 minutes later than the one in the kitchen.

The mist did not scare me, but it was not explainable. I thought of every conceivable explanation for it. There really weren’t that many I could come up with to be perfectly honest, and I shrugged it off and thought: “Ok, well this is weird but nothing I can do about it so yay I’ve got a weird mist in my house that’s pretty darn cool”. Well ok… maybe the pretty darn cool bit didn’t figure into it right then, but something akin to that did. I had a shower and thought of the steam and the mist, but the steam had a wet feel to it, the mist in the rest of the house had no moisture content, at all, so it wasn’t steam.

I alighted from the shower and poured a glass of juice, walked out onto the balcony, then went back to the TV room. My three cats were sitting all in a row, just staring down the hallway. Never seen them do that before. I plonked down to watch a program and hit “menu”. I had been in the middle of watching some shows with various speakers on quantum physics, that had been somewhat earlier in the day, and I hit play to restart the one i had been watching. But the one I had been watching wasn’t there. There was another one and the only vision I had was blue background, gradient in colour, and two jigsaw pieces stationary on the screen. There was a voice, and it went into detail of the pineal gland, ayahuasca, and Amazonian shamanic practices.

I was sitting there thinking, ok this is just really getting weird now. This is not the type of show I was watching, I was watching scientific shows. Now I’m watching a show about the pineal gland and ayahuasca - and my house if full of mist, my cats are looking down the hall as if there is something down there that I definitely can’t see., my two clocks have stopped 10 minutes apart and there’s a strange silence in everything outside. At night, from my balcony I can usually hear cars on the distant highway, there were none. There was no sound at all, there was a strange “dancing” ball of light down in the trees which I cannot explain and there were stratus shadows of light greys through the trees.

Anyhow back to the inside of the house. Slowly the mist lifted, the show went into “this is cr@p” mode shortly after the interesting shamanistic/ayahuasca references, the cats went back to being normal and this morning the clocks are righted and I didn’t touch either of them.

So what the heck happened I have no idea… but something happened. Now today my Babushka dolls start up again with a post from Anony - totally nothing to do with anything really except leading me to where I need to go next. Anyhow, that’s it really. All very strange, all a “you had to be there” type thing I guess - but believe me… it really was all very strange. And just then as I was typing I heard a “ting” like a very fine crystal glass had been flicked lightly with a finger… ok wtf was that?? LOL weird :pile_of_poo:

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