Hot Chocolate Anyone ?

@Former-Member

Thanks @Smc it could be the case. I know he was returning just for my ball but was sick which has made him grumpy and tired. Found out later that it was gastro so he didn't feel up for seeing anyone. Am not sure why but I realise when he is sick he just wants to isolate himself or maybe it could be just isolate from me. Coupled with his frustrated mode already, there was some slight miscommunication of his transportation from airport and i was "pushy" to get him causing more frustration. Probably frustrated him more that I didn't go to my work ball. He said a couple of hurtful things. Am obviously uncertain if he realises that they were hurtful. I do wish to get an inkling right this second that we are ok. That once he rests up and feel better he will be open to talk it all out. But i know that is wishful thinking. I do know somehow we will talk but it is now a matter of when.

Am trying to do some work today but am in and out of sleep. In and out of my thoughts 😞

oh @Faith-and-Hope your half finished painting wasnt up for me earlier.... that's gorgeous! You are so talented it must be so great to set up out there and start painting like that. How incredible and magical it must be to be able to do that.

@Smc incredibly insightful words I was nodding my head through so much of that.

@Anony18Even things said in anger hurt. That's a form of abuse because it builds up. When I was in a similar situation, with someone I tried to help, I used to tell myself "it doesn't matter". That became my mantra to myself. Well I am here to tell you.. it DID matter, oh boy really.. it DID matter. So IF you are saying that to yourself or even you @Former-Member .. it does matter. It all matters, because anything you might be putting into that "it doesn't matter" pile is building up inside you.

I'm not saying either of you are, I obviously have no way of knowing that, but IF you are... don't do it. Just don't do it.

Sorry I'm getting teary now.. so off my soap box and moving on to the tready. Going to get some of what I just brought up, out of my system. 😛

@Former-Member and anyone else who needs one, here's a comfort drink. Nutmeg is nice in hot chocolate too.

http://www.taste.com.au/recipes/spiced-hot-chocolate/cbb80468-a16b-443d-ad1c-692f5e378d4f

@Former-Member - no i agree it does matter. The things he said were hurtful and it is something of course i need to talk to him about. It hurt alot til point I was crying hysterically. To point it has caused me to feel so low and all i can do is focus and want to talk it out with him and tell him what he said was wrong. But I am aware right now is not the time where emotions are still high/low which just sucks when all I want to do is get the words, the speech out!

Ohh @Anony18

i just read your messages my friend , sending you hugs

sending you hugs @Former-Member xx

ohh @Former-Member, hope you are having a better day today my friend

omg I just had a super strange "mystical" thing happen *cue twilight zone music for real "

Wow @Former-Member .... that sounds intriguing ..... ??

@Anony18 and @Former-Member .... I am in the position where my hubby thinks I am the one with an mi .... which is really quite surreal .... and despite his disordered behaviours regarding food, because she has similarly disordered behaviours or beliefs regarding food, my MIL is of the same opinion ....

The alternative would be to believe that he was the one who was unwell, fed by his mother's ideas, but that is incomprehensible to both of them.

Part of their thinking is that WH is "successful" in terms of his weight loss and continued management, and I am not .... bearing damage from Metabolic Syndrome as I am, and losing weight slowly and carefully through a healthy lifestyle, and as I am the one visiting a psychologist periodically, obviously I am the one who is unwell ....

I am seeing the psychologist for personal and family support while we co-exist with how unwell WH is, and we have to steer well away from the subject or, like you, we encounter personal attacks and agitating from him, as a way of deflecting attention from his own situation.

It does create a strain, as you say @Former-Member .... and I have to call on mindfulness and other mi coping skills in order to continue under that strain ... in part because I love him and know he is so unwell, but also in the knowledge that to leave him when he is in this state will incur his wrath and a whole range of other destructive behaviours. In and of itself, that is a path we (kids and I) could take, but it hurts so much to understand clearly that it would likely be to his rescue, but the irretrievable loss of "us" as husband and wife, and as a family unit.

The stakes are really high, both ways.

Y'all are helping to care for me through this horrible waiting stage .... I can so relate to what you are saying @Anony18, but I simply can't have those conversations with my hubby .... the ones we could have, we did have, and they just made this uneasy status quo all the clearer, and the lines we have to stay behind, until something changes within him, or spills over and it becomes clear that he needs medical help.

And yes @Former-Member, sometimes our best action is avoiding him.

Weekends like this last one, while he is away, just taking the kids off painting and just making our way without undue pressures across our day, is a healing moment.

And our art is healing. It's one way to keep swimming.

🐠🐠🐠 💕