@Former-Member Hello there, nice to meet you. Hot drinks cart should be making the rounds soon 🙂
@Former-Member Yes I love the dolls to explain how it feels to peel this stinky onion. No, I have not had any therapy at all. I did look into what I was doing versus what was out there. Ironies of ironies I was actually working on a thesis regarding conscious awareness right before my world crumbled so I have drawn from that and researched studies that are now being done in a similar vein. So I'm sorry but I have nothing to give you when it comes to therapies or their benefits I'd actually be really interested in you sharing your experiences so I could garner some understanding of how that works and the effects you have felt or haven't felt.
I find breakthroughs have hiccups but once those settle and I get used to that new normal, I have another one. I think the trick is to identify them and appreciate them, because each small step will get me to the end. So each step is as important as the next. If I appreciate even the small ones it brings home to me that despite the journey ahead, I am making real progress and am "getting there". I just think, for me, that is so important or I would feel a lot more helpless and indeed hopeless. That to me is the wrong state of mind to be in if I'm going to eventually win this battle cleanly. That might be unclear and I'm sorry if it is.
It wasn't like that for the longest time (years), it was just that vortex of blackness and me trying to escape. Then one day out of nowhere, I popped to the surface and could breath. and look around. I was shocked and surprised, but there it was. It lasted only minutes before I was taken down again but right then I knew there was hope I knew something had cracked and I knew I was going to come out of it.
LIke a chip in a windshield that would lead to a crack and then finally the pane (pain) would be shattered. The relief that brought was indescribable. I did go down again, but not long after (relatively) I popped back up this time for longer. Then after a month or so of that, with longer and longer surfacing, one day when I popped up a liferaft was bobbing on the surface and I dragged myself into it. I was floating in that liferaft, like a bereft scraggly survivor with parched sunburned skin and raggedy clothes and I was l loving it.
Only a few days later it beached and I crawled onto the sand enjoying the sun as the water lapped around me, feeling that firm support underneath me for the first time in so long I couldn't remember. From nowhere I suddenly had fresh water to drink, and saw shade from the swaying and welcoming coconut trees that lined the other edge of the sand. Since then things have just evolved to the point I am now; fairly autonomous, pretty much free of the grasp of those invisible tentacles that had me entangled for so long.
hahaha see talking in riddles, parables and satire.... actually I clearly understood you so that might be an indication that you were too. I don't know why I do it but it's just the way my mind works. Scary isn't it? 😛
As for profession, I used to work in the mining industry but I've since gone to formal study. I have also been writing a book, which I am about 2/3 through after about 10000 restarts - yes might be an exaggeration but I think it's close 😛
