Need a little help tonight

I’ve cut my own fringe a couple of times @Zoe7 , or should I say I’ve massacred my fringe a few times 😬😬, I really shouldn’t be allowed near my hair with a pair of scissors - I’m a shocker !!

I tend to stick to the same colour too, but I always include a splash of red. Lots of foils and the base colour, takes hours as I have longish hair but I love it. The hairdresser always does a head massage during the rinse and they also use massage chairs.

I actually hate being touched, so I have to psyche myself up for a few days before hand. I had a bit of a freak out moment when I got the text today, I wasn’t quite prepared for it, but I’m feeling ok at the moment. It has taken quite a while to learn to not tense up during the massage and try and relax enough to enjoy it, I’m getting better at it.

I hope you can stay on at your new school. I do remember you

posting about the trouble you had at

your old school, I’m so glad you could leave that school and those people behind you.

@Zoe7 Good luck at school tomorrow, I think it will be fantastic ❤️❤️

@Razzle I generally hate being touched too but have been getting lots of hugs from a couple of people at work - which have actually been really nice. It is a major breakthrough for me. I would not cope with even a head massage and sitting in a chair having my hair cut would not be something I was comfortable with either.

I hope you had a bit of peace and enjoyed your hair appointment today - and even had a little more time to yourself afterwards.

I had a pretty good day. The kids were excited to be back at school and they took a bit of settling. The afternoon was really good though - all the kids were getting tired though so that helped with those that had a lot of beans in the morning. A bit to do tonight before tomorrow but I actually enjoy the planning so it won't be too taxing.

Will be on and off here tonight but will try to catch you later. Hugs and hugs

@Zoe7 It’s been a terrible day. Mum is still refusing to eat. She nursed her lunch on her lap for an hour today, and then I dropped my bundle. I let her know in grisly detail what would happen to the pressure sore on her foot with her diabetes and her not eating. I told her the next trip to hossie will result in her going to the nursing home, which will probably be by the end of the week the way she is going.

I was so upset, I couldn’t stop crying. I told her she had to decide what she wants to do and then I stormed out and went to my hair appt. Even the appointment was excruciating by then, I was so tense and my brain was screaming the whole time, I should have just cancelled.

Oh @Razzle that is heartwrenching I so hoped you could enjoy your hair appointment but you Mum still refusing to eat is a constant drain on you. It must have been so hard for you to say all those things to her as well but maybe it is what she needed to hear. You are doing everything you can to take care of her but in doing so you are also being adversely affected too. Putting her into a nursing home is a last resort but it may be something you need to consider to take care of yourself too. Your welfare is just as important here Hon and although it is a difficult decision to make it may be best for the both of you. Here listening and walking with you @Razzle

@Zoe7 Mum sat up and started eating tea, then she pulled her chicken apart and started spreading it around her plate so I slapped on another boneless piece and told her to eat that, she wasn’t happy but she ate it.

I’ll call the dementia nurse tomorrow and admit mum in for respite. I can’t keep doing this anymore. My husband told me earlier that there is nothing more I can do for her, she’s heading to the nursing home be it tomorrow or the next day or next week. While she won’t eat or drink she is only getting weaker and she will end up there sooner or later, may as well be sooner before she does any damage that can’t be reversed.

Im so bloody tense tonight I can’t believe I haven’t shattered my teeth my jaw is so clenched. I’ve taken some pain killers before this damn headache really takes hold, washing it down with a Jameson because I really don’t give a shit anymore.

It seems like you are beyond what you can manage now with your Mum @Razzle You need to take care of yourself Hon and if that means respite or the nursing home then that is an avenue you need to go down. You cannot keep going like this as it is affecting you really negatively - and no-one can say you have not tried - you have done everything possible to look after your Mum but you need some help. Do not be afraid to ask for it now - it is not a nice thing to have to do but both your welfare and your Mum's are at stake here - so ask for that help and take it when it comes.

@Zoe7 I’m definately getting her help tomorrow, I know it’s doing neither of us any good. My husband and I worked out that for the last 4 or 5 days she’s only eaten 1/3rd of the required “energy units” (not allowed to use the actual word here), and that’s only because I’ve been forcing her to eat.

...and it has been a real struggle for you to get that far with her @Razzle so I can see it is a positive move for you to get some additional help for her. You are doing the right thing for you both Hon - it has been so draining on you and that is not good for either of you. Sometimes we need to make those hard decisions for ourselves as well as others - so right behind you Hon

@Zoe7 It’s just so frustrating that she had totally recovered from the sciatic and even her dementia was better now that she is off the mind altering drugs, and now she’s just making herself sick.

The worst part is now I just want her admitted and I don’t even want to visit her. Why should I care when she doesn’t? We have never had a relationship like that, we’ve always been close but I just want space from her now.

Ive always protected her, she knows nothing of the abuse I suffered as a child, I’ve never wanted her to know because it will only cause her hurt. In fact, this damn vision is of one of the abusers screaming in my face, threatening to end my parents lives if I told them, or anyone. I’ve always protected her, I just didn’t realise the person I can’t protect her from is herself.