Need a little help tonight

I understand that protection of family @Razzle Done exactly the same thing with mine. I do have some anger towards my mother for allowing some it to happen but I am also understand that she had no idea of how to stop it either as she was also in a difficult position. It doesn't make it right but I understand.

I also believe you cannot look back and harbour those ongoing feelings forever as it does nothing to alleviate the suffering now - it doesn't mean letting go of those feelings but it does mean learning to deal with our own choices - and that of protecting others we do for a reason - who would want to pass that pain onto anyone else hey!

It takes great strength to deal with this on your own though Hon so give yourself a lot of credit for that. ...but you are right - if someone does not want to be helped then there is not much more you can do - especially if it is affecting you as much as it is. Putting her into respite and/or a nursing home may not be what you want to do but it may be what you need to do - that is a very big decision but you also need to make it for yourself.

@Zoe7 At least I know she will be cared for and looked after. Maybe she’ll listen to the nurses, maybe it will be a wake up call. I don’t know, but I do know I can’t keep going on like this.

I agree with you @Razzle You can't keep going on like this Hon. You have been dealing with so much even before you began looking after your Mum and it all takes it's toll. Very much hearing you

@Zoe7 Headache took hold last night, became a migraine which pretty much finished me off, I wasn’t even able to post why I had suddenly dropped off. The pain killers left me with some really strange dreams but no vision thank goodness.

Today is a new day. I made breakfast this morning, told mum it was ready and she sat and ate her piece of toast.

Made a chicken sandwich for lunch and handed it to her with a cup of tea, not a word of protest was spoken, although it took her an hour to eat.

Just made her a cup of tea with a biscuit, she ate the bickie and is drinking the tea. I’ve kind of stopped making a big deal of it, and I talk about some random thing when I give her the meal so she doesn’t get a chance to protest. It’s worked today so far.

I went for a walk up the Main Street today to get a newspaper and some groceries. Mum lives one street behind the Main Street so everything is nice and close. She was happy to sit in the warm in front of the tv so I got a bit of time on my own. I also cleaned up the kitchen benches today of all the clutter, looks and feels a lot better.

I don’t feel as stressed today. I have a session with my councillor tomorrow, don’t really know how I feel about that at the moment, maybe a little nervous after how I felt after last weeks session.

Hope your school day went well. I think you mentioned you have a day off tomorrow, I hope you can do something nice for yourself ❤️❤️

It does sound like you have had a better day today @Razzle - that is really good to hear

I hear you about your counselling session - especially after how triggering the last one was. Is it on your own or with hubby this time?

Yes I have a day off tomorrow. I am going to have to do a lot of planning and organising but hoping to do some of the giraffe as well. The more I get done tomorrow the less I will have to do on the weekend. I am going to try to do some of the giraffe tonight too and sort out some paperwork ready to get stuck into it all tomorrow. When things are nicely organised and set out I feel much better so if I can get next weeks planning done early then it will help me get through next week as I am working every day next week. I need the extra money so I am not complaining

@Zoe7 Managed to get through tea without too much drama. Today has been a much better day.

Tomorrows session is on my own. I’ll have to be organised in the morning. The district nurse is coming to check on mums pressure sore and redress it. So I’ll need to have her up, showered and eaten breakfast before the nurse turns up and before I have to head off at 9.30. It will mean mum will be on her own for a couple of hours, but she is capable of looking after herself for a little while.

Sounds like you will be very busy tomorrow, I hope you get to spend some time on just yourself and not be all work.

That is something my pdoc and I talked about today @Razzle but I also need to put in the hours now so I am not swamped by prepartion needs later on in the term. Having a term overview and plan really helps get it all organised week to week - so that is what I will be concentrating on doing tomorrow.

I think it is good you have a session on your own tomorrow Hon. You have so much going on and so much to talk about. Do you write out a list of things to discuss or just go with the flow with whatever comes up?

@Zoe7 I pretty much just go with the flow. My councillor usually brings up something that happened in the last session that needs more attention, which makes me a little nervous about tomorrow after last weeks.

It sounds like you are comfortable with your work load, and whatever works for you is what you need to do.

I discussed the workload with my pdoc today and we both agree that working fulltime was too much - especially with appoointments on top of that. I am glad for the day off each week and being on class means much more work so I need that time to catch up @Razzle

I can imagine you will have a lot to talk about after your last session - that was a really tough one for you. Let me know how it goes. I should be around on and off tomorrow but will look out for you also

I will keep you updated @Zoe7.

Good luck with everything tomorrow, I hope you achieve all you have planned.