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Something’s not right

Need a little help tonight

Need a little help tonight

I’ve had a pretty terrible last couple of weeks. My husband and I had an argument a couple of weeks ago about something that has affected our (to put it bluntly) sex life - something that is a direct connection to my past CSA. I’m still rattled about it.

This argument happened while I was under a huge amount of stress when my mum was in hospital. Moving forward to now and I have now moved in with my mum now she’s out of hossie as she needs round the clock care. I have managed to convince her Dr to drop one of her medications that was giving her hallucinations and now she is essentially going through withdrawals for the last 2 days and refuses to eat or drink - which is a problem in itself as she is diabetic. Tonight I threatened to put her back in hospital so she did eventually eat 1/2 a sandwich.

Today my husband and I had a couples counseling session - and the session was spent talking about that argument. I had to relive the events of the CSA and describe the feelings that it still brought up in me now. I was crying and shaking - I can still see it all like it happened just yesterday, not 40+years ago.

I used to disassociate a lot when I was a child, and through today’s session I’ve learned that I do it a lot as an adult but in a different way.

Tonight I’m feeling very triggered, I feel very shaky inside, I feel like I can’t breathe deeply, I just want to cry but

most of all I feel extremely frightened. I have a particular vision in my head that I just can’t get out. I had to describe that moment from long ago today and now it won’t leave me alone.

Has anyone had any experiences like this, how did you cope with it? I don’t want to sleep tonight, I’m scared of closing my eyes and only seeing this vision.

322 replies

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In response to: Need a little help tonight

Re: Need a little help tonight

Hi @Zoe7 Just read on youre other thread that you finished the birdhouses, I bet you’re glad they are finally done.

I had to put mum into hospital yesterday. She has been drinking a lot of water the last couple of days and I did a finger jab test on her and her sugar was at 22.6. She was given an insulin shot and they put a drip in for saline as she was a little dehydrated.

The sugar came down but started climbing again today so they want her to stay in again tonight so that they can get all the test results back to see what’s going on.

She had pancreatic cancer about 11 years ago and had most of the pancreas removed back then. We were told the pancreas would only work for another couple of years and she’d become insulin dependent - looks like it’s happening now so she’s done well to last this long without insulin.

I did ask for a CT to rule out if the cancer had returned which was done this afternoon. Dr doubts it’s cancer but worth getting it checked.

Im about to head back to the hossie with some more clothes for her, I’m pretty sure they’ll keep her for the whole weekend now, guess I’ll find out tomorrow.

In response to: Re: Need a little help tonight

Re: Need a little help tonight

That is not good news about your Mum @Razzle I certainly hope there is no reoccurrence of the cancer Hon. Hope they do keep her in for the weekend to get everything under control. It will also give you some time to yourself so do some things for yourself this weekend also.

I am relieved the birdhouses are done - they look great and the kids had a fantastic time today nailing and gluing on extra pieces. Some even decorated them with texta - not ideal but they are their birdhouses so whatever they wanted to do with them I was happy with.

We had feathers from one side of the classroom to the other lol - but their little birds were so cute. We spent about 20 minutes before lunch cleaning them up and then the last 10 minutes of the day after our assembly. We got most of them but any that remained got vacuumed up ...the room looks nearly the same again. Brought a lot home to sort out as I was still worried about Cat. It will take me a couple of hours and I didn't want to stay at school for that long this afternoon - as it was there were only 2 cars left in the carpark - everyone leaves early on a Friday

In response to: Re: Need a little help tonight

Re: Need a little help tonight

Haven't see you around over the weekend @Razzle Wondering how you are and if your Mum is home from hospital

In response to: Re: Need a little help tonight

Re: Need a little help tonight

Hi @Zoe7

Mums still in hossie, sugar has been up and down, all over the place really. We haven’t got all the results back yet, no Dr on over the weekend so we’ll find out more tomorrow I guess.

I saw her yesterday and then I took off for the day. Went to a bigger neighboring town and did some shopping then went to a hockey game at another town 2hrs from there. Our men’s team made the preliminary final, but they lost in overtime. Back to town for my uncle and aunties 50th wedding anniversary where I drank way too much red wine - and boy did I suffer today for it - all self inflicted, no sympathy for me 😏😏🤣

Went back to hossie this morning, then headed to my MIL’s for lunch, a couple of my SIL’s were there (and husband) then headed back to hossie for a couple of hours.

Feeling so tired at the moment, pretty sure I will sleep well tonight.

Hope you have had a nice weekend

In response to: Re: Need a little help tonight

Re: Need a little help tonight

Wow that sounds like you have had a really full on weekend @Razzle buit you have had time to yourself as well doing things you enjoy - so well done on finding that balance.

It also sounds like you will sleep well tonight as I can imagine that has all been very tiring.

I have done very little over the weekend. Cat is still not eating so will ring the vet first thing in the morning and hope to get her in tomorrow after work. I have to set up our class display for the Art Expo but if I have to leave to take Cat to the vet then that takes priority - I can always go back to work afterwards.

In response to: Re: Need a little help tonight

Re: Need a little help tonight

@Zoe7 Oh poor Cat. Hope it’s nothing too serious.

In response to: Re: Need a little help tonight

Re: Need a little help tonight

I hope so too @Razzle She means the world to me. This has been going on for a few days now and she isn't going outside like she usually does or sleeping near the heater. She is pretty much staying in her room. She does come out when I feed her but then doesn't eat much or anything. I have tried a lot of different things - even bought her BBQ cchicken and she has barely touched that either. I am leaving her bowl in her room so if she feels like food at anytime it is there for her. If I leave it in the kitchen where it usually is then Toby will eat what is in there so in her room is safe.

In response to: Re: Need a little help tonight

Re: Need a little help tonight

@Zoe7 Oh poor thing. I know how worrying it is when they don’t eat. You with Cat, me with mum - at least I could reason with mum, it’s much harder with an animal, but they are still family. I really hope it’s nothing serious

In response to: Re: Need a little help tonight

Re: Need a little help tonight

I wish she could tell me what was wrong @Razzle I would do anything for her. She wouldn't eat properly a couple of months ago and they did blood tests then - everything came back okay - more than okay - but she had lost weight. I'll see what the vet says and we'll go from there I suppose.

In response to: Re: Need a little help tonight

Re: Need a little help tonight

@Zoe7 I have my fingers crossed for you.

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