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Something’s not right

Need a little help tonight

Need a little help tonight

I’ve had a pretty terrible last couple of weeks. My husband and I had an argument a couple of weeks ago about something that has affected our (to put it bluntly) sex life - something that is a direct connection to my past CSA. I’m still rattled about it.

This argument happened while I was under a huge amount of stress when my mum was in hospital. Moving forward to now and I have now moved in with my mum now she’s out of hossie as she needs round the clock care. I have managed to convince her Dr to drop one of her medications that was giving her hallucinations and now she is essentially going through withdrawals for the last 2 days and refuses to eat or drink - which is a problem in itself as she is diabetic. Tonight I threatened to put her back in hospital so she did eventually eat 1/2 a sandwich.

Today my husband and I had a couples counseling session - and the session was spent talking about that argument. I had to relive the events of the CSA and describe the feelings that it still brought up in me now. I was crying and shaking - I can still see it all like it happened just yesterday, not 40+years ago.

I used to disassociate a lot when I was a child, and through today’s session I’ve learned that I do it a lot as an adult but in a different way.

Tonight I’m feeling very triggered, I feel very shaky inside, I feel like I can’t breathe deeply, I just want to cry but

most of all I feel extremely frightened. I have a particular vision in my head that I just can’t get out. I had to describe that moment from long ago today and now it won’t leave me alone.

Has anyone had any experiences like this, how did you cope with it? I don’t want to sleep tonight, I’m scared of closing my eyes and only seeing this vision.

322 replies

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In response to: Need a little help tonight

Re: Need a little help tonight

@Zoe7 Any news on Cat ?? I have been thinking of you a lot today.

I have just got home, left the house at 9 this morning. Went to hossie, all tests including CT have come back clear - so no cancer. Sugar still all over the place.

Went to a dementia seminar at the hossie and then went back to see mum afterward. Spoke to one of the nurses who said mum won’t be leaving hossie on insulin, they will just be tweaking her normal meds and will be controlled with diet - sounds good to me.

Went down the street for a bit, then back to bust mum out for the evening. I took her to my brothers for tea, then back to hossie. She may be discharged tomorrow, depends on sugar levels tonight and tomorrow morning. As soon as they start to stabilise she will be allowed to leave.

Hope Cat is feeling better tonight and eating again.

In response to: Re: Need a little help tonight

Re: Need a little help tonight

Hi @Zoe7 Just checking in, hope you are feeling better. Hope school hasn’t been too stressful. Hope Cat is still behaving and eating well too. ❤️❤️

In response to: Re: Need a little help tonight

Re: Need a little help tonight

Hi @Razzle School is okay - day off tomorrow then Friday and Monday my last days on class. Not looking forward to finishing being on class and going back to the support role - I much prefer being on a class.

Cat is still eating and is a lot better. She is back to asking for food when it comes to meal time and gobbling up everything she is given. It is a big relief.

How are you doing?

In response to: Re: Need a little help tonight

Re: Need a little help tonight

Oh @Zoe7 , I don’t know why but I thought you had a class until the end of the year. I’m really sorry you’re going to a support roll. I know it was a lot of work, but you sounded like you really enjoyed the teaching roll.

I’m so glad Cat is eating, and even asking for food. Did the vet say why she was off her food for those few days?

Ive just been plodding along lately. My son and his partner and baby had planned to come home next weekend and stay for a week. It’s my sons birthday on the weekend, but the visit got cancelled a few days ago. I’ve been a bit down since then.

My nephew has a bucks party this weekend, and his bride to be has her hens party. They are being held far from home, so everyone is taking off this weekend for the festivities, but I won’t be able to go as there won’t be anyone left to look after mum. She had a short stay in hossie a week ago and is now insulin dependent which makes things a bit harder. I had thought I’d at

least have my son and his family home for the weekend, but that’s a no go now.

I’m feeling a little left out and unappreciated at the moment, and it’s pi$$ing me off no end hearing everyone else talking about what a great weekend away they are going to have. I hate feeling jealous, but I’m really feeling it these last few days. I’ve found myself having to sneak off occasionally because I cant hold back the tears.

In response to: Re: Need a little help tonight

Re: Need a little help tonight

I wish I had the class for the rest of the year @Razzle I am honestly not looking forward to going back to the support role I also found out last Friday I won't be at the same school next year. I don't know where I will be - had no contact all year from HR and if I hadn't asked the principal myself then I would not have known. I presumed I would not be there but still held out some hope also. It hasn't been easy to deal with and really topped off a really difficult week.

I didn't take Cat to the vet this time - she started eating again when I was going to so I held off. She has been fine ever since so it was probably just a little upset tummy that took her a few days to get over. She is my little sweetheart so as you could imagine I am very relieved she is better.

The stituation with your son is no doubt upsetting Hon as is the fact that everyone is able to get away for this weekend but you are not able to. It is good your mum is home but there is certainly extra presure on you with her diagnosis and ongoing treatment needed. It is natural that you would be feeling jealous - you have responsibilities that mean you are missing out - that is not easy to sit with. Hearing you Hon and feeling for you

In response to: Need a little help tonight

Re: Need a little help tonight

Hi Razzle, I’m here to talk if you need xx I haven’t experienced this but am here to listen to your thoughts and feelings

In response to: Re: Need a little help tonight

Re: Need a little help tonight

Hi @Zoe7 I’m guessing you’re on school holidays at the moment. I hope you can get plenty of rest before next term starts. I know it’s not ideal heading back to a support roll instead of a teacher position, but does that mean a lot less planning and work in general?

I hope Cat is still doing well.

Ive been a bit “unplugged” lately. I’ve been keeping off social media and only ducking in very occasionally to the forums. I’ve been feeling pretty overwhelmed and a bit sorry for myself. I’ve started a new quilt just to keep my mind occupied

I rang my son today for his birthday, we

spoke for a little while, about nothing important or course, but it was nice to be able to speak to him.

In response to: Re: Need a little help tonight

Re: Need a little help tonight

Hi @allrounder101 I’ve been a little quiet the last few days. Feeling a little sorry for myself so have kind of retreated for a bit.

In response to: Re: Need a little help tonight

Re: Need a little help tonight

We have one more week before school holidays @Razzle I have one more day on class on Monday and the rest of the week back to the support role. Not sure exactly what that will look like as yet - I know I am supervising classes in the library on Wednesday and going on an excursion with the class I have had on Thursday. I am either having Tuesday or Friday off instead of the Thirsday but we will make that decision on Monday - depends what else is going on and what I am needed to cover.

It will mean less planning for next term so while I will have more time to myself I actually enjoy the planning. The days can get boring too when I am working with one or two kids at the same times each week. I really am not looking forward to going back to that role

I am so glad you spoke to your son for his birthday and whilst you may have not talked about much just having that contact still with him is important

Cat is still doing okay - she is eating properly again and asking for food so that is positive. I need to take Toby to the vet in the holidays to get his annual check up - I will be able to afford it next pay as I did a relief day I will get paid for.

I understand that need to be offline on occasions. It can be overwhelming - especially if we are not doing so well. You have had so much to deal with Hon so I don't see it as feeling sorry for yourself but more processing all that you have had to deal with.

In response to: Re: Need a little help tonight

Re: Need a little help tonight

@Zoe7 , school hols have started here,

the weather hasn’t been real kind today. We had a real taste of spring yesterday, but back to winter today. I’m a summer person, 40° is my happy place - I am hating this weather with a passion.

Hope Toby likes his vet visits. When I was a kid we had a cocker spaniel. When she had to go to the vet we would walk her on a lead but could only get as far as his driveway - then she would flop to the ground and lie there as a dead weight. We’d have to try and pick her up but she would stay floppy and she’d slip through your arms like water - didn’t help that she was significantly heavier than she should have been 😁😁

I can understand now why you won’t be looking forward to going into a support roll. Seems unfair that they can pull the teaching roll out from under you.

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