Need a little help tonight

I have been enjoying our nightly chats @Razzle

Hope you sleep well Hon - goodnight - catch you tomorrow

Hey @Razzle Checking in on you Hon and sending you love and hugs

Hi @Zoe7 I was out for the count last night - migraine came back for round 2. We went to my brothers for tea last night - a bit of a Monday night ritual, was able to control the pain while there, it was only a bad head ache by then. Got home about 8.30, by 9pm I was a screaming mess. Mum was ready for bed by 9.30 so I was right behind her. She was up to the toilet 4 times last

night - and I woke every time. Then I heard the garbage truck around 7am.

It was a beautiful sunny and warm

day here today so I went for a couple of walks, 3 in fact. One of mums friends has joined a cards club but she’s not sure about the game 500. My dad taught me that about 30 years ago so I called in to see her this afternoon and explained the game to her.

I am very close to finishing the top of this quilt I’m working on. Only have about an hours work left on it which I should have done today, but haven’t been able to concentrate. My walks helped to clear the drug haze from last night, but I just couldn’t get into the quilt.

My son was home over the weekend (without his partner and child) and he was going to call in and have lunch on Sunday before he headed home. I texted my husband and said if he wanted lunch with him for Father’s Day I’d grab mum and meet them at his mothers place and we’d have lunch together. So I caught up with both of them. No one knows we’ve seperated (except my son, I told him that after all those $hit messages from his gf that this was the end result) so it was all “happy families” in front of everyone. I did have a card and present for my husband for Father’s Day but couldn’t bring myself to give it to him in the end.

Ive had a couple of messages from him yesterday, defending some of the shit treatment I put up with during our marriage, so I’ve just ignored them.

Ive also had some messages from my sons gf, all gushy because she wants something. I’ve kept the answers pretty short - she’s burnt her bridges with me and I don’t want anything to do with her anymore.

How has your day been. Did you have a nice weekend?

It sounds like you are standing your ground and doing what is right for you @Razzle ....putting yourself first Hon

It must have been good to see your son despite what has been going on. As for not giving your husband the card and present I can certainly understand with all the messages he has been sending you and how hurt you have been by what he has done.

I hope you get to finish your quilt tomorrow - it will be a lovely sense of achievement for you also. Look forward to hearing when it is all done

I had a nice day with the kids but we had PD after school that was emotionally hard for me. Been working through it tonight and really hoping it doesn't affect me with nightmares tonight. I have a little planning to finish for tomorrow but going to go in early to get it done - can't focus on it tonight.

I hope you get a restful sleep tonight @Zoe7 It’s frustrating how our brains work against us so much sometimes.

I don’t know if it’s the stress or the pain killers for the migraines, but I keep having a reacuring dream about drowning, or being stuck in a confined space. I’m not usually claustrophobic, and I’m a strong swimmer but I’ve woken up mid panic attack. Last night I dreamt I was under the water and a heavy box dropped on top of me, only slightly bigger than myself and I couldn’t get it off. As I ran out of air I woke up and I was really struggling to breath. It took a moment to wake up and I realised I was having a panic attack. I eventually got back to sleep and then dreamt I was in a tunnel, but there was no way out in front and a wall fell down behind me and I was trapped, I couldn’t even turn around - woke up and was again mid panic attack struggling to breath.

My anxiety is off the charts at the moment. I’m starting to think I’m going to have to see a dr and get some medication for it, but it’s so hard in a small town and I don’t want everyone to know my business.

Do you have any strategies that will help you get through tonight? Does Toby pick up on your stress?

I have had simialr dreams like those ones @Razzle and woken up much the same. Sometimes I wake in absolute fear but too scared to get up and too scared to go back to sleep. It often takes me several minutes to actually get up and try to relax again. Sometimes I just stay up! When my anxiety was out of control that was the norm for me sleeping. It may be a good idea for you to see your GP - at least have that conversation with them and see where to go from there. Meds certainly helped me but that has been in conjunction with ADs and sleeping meds too.

Toby does pick up on my anxiety and is extra snuggly - wanting to sit on my lap more rather than snuggling in next to me. ...little sweetheart

Honestly I have very few strategies to share with you in regards to sleep. It really has been meds that have helped. One is specifically to stop dreams/nightmares and in conjunction with the others also help me to relax more to get to sleep. I still have the occasional nightmare but can calm down much quicker on most occasions.

@Zoe7 I’m so reluctant to start medication - I hate taking them even for migraines. I used to put up with them for years, wouldn’t even take mild painkillers. Then I started to get them 3 times a week and with little kids I couldn’t function so had to take something. That’s the only time I take anything now, although I have taken

mild pain killers sometimes to help switch the brain off and go to sleep.

I had a drug problem in my late teens, I managed to stop when I was 20 and I’m so scared I’ll end up relying on drugs to get through again. I also know the reception staff really well and I don’t want anyone to know why I would need medication. It’s difficult living in a small town.

It is difficult in such a small town where everyone knows each other @Razzle but the reception staff should not have access to your confidential medical records. We all need to go to the doctor's occasionally - it could be for a general health check and that is all they need to know. I do understand it is difficult when you know them so well though.

I also understand where you are coming from with meds having that history. I have not had the same history but was also very reluctant to take anything. Now I am grateful for the meds as I would not be here without them. Sometimes we just need a little help to get through and you certainly have had so much happening for you so I am not surprised you are having migraines and anxiety. It is entirely up to you Hon but a conversation at least with your GP might be a good starting point. You could also discuss your worry about knowing the reception staff and confirm the confidentiality of whatever you discuss.

@Zoe7 Yeah I really do need to think about it, especially as now I dont have my councillor or any of the supports I had a short while ago.

I think I might check out a new Dr in the next closest big town. I rarely need to see a Dr so it’s not like I have a huge medical history that I need to take with

me. Aside from the broken ankle before Xmas and a couple of cases

of shingles that I caught early, I really can’t remember the last time I needed to see a Dr.

That might be a good idea @Razzle It is a longer drive but that would also give you some alone time. I remember your broken ankle That seems like so long ago now. Has it all healed well? or do you get pain when the weather changes?

I have to go and find Cat and get her inside - sneaky little bugger ran out when I last let Toby out to the toilet. She does love being outside but it is past her bedtime ...and mine lol

Hopefully it won't be too long before both of us can get some sleep.