EMDR - Has anyone done this

Just as you have sai and so have others here @Former-Member It is all about you right now. ....your feelings and anger arem very real and what you have to deal with is very real - your mother will either accept it or not but what is important is you do what is right for yourself and whatever she does or does not say is her issue, not yours. We can never change someone else's reactions, thoughts or behaviour but we can acknowledge that they are theirs to own and not a result of what you have to say. Do not take on their reactions to everything as anything but their inability to understand and therefore that is their issue to deal with. You are who you are because of your history but that also does not need to define you and working through some of this with a caring psych is the first (massive) step to taking back your life for you. Huge respect for your courage and strength to not only know what you need but setting in motion the avenues to achieve that. It is a pleasure to have you here and sharing this part of your journey with us and an even bigger pleasure that You have allowed us into your life.

Hi there @Doglover -- I have not tried this therapy myself, but I believe it's considered extremely successful for treatment of PTSD, as opposed to things like CBT which are often ineffective in dealing with past trauma (particularly childhood trauma). I am currently reading the most amazing book on trauma -- Bessel van der Kolk's 'The Body Keeps the Score: Mind, Brain and Body in the Transformation of Trauma'. van der Kolk is a world-renowned psychiatrist and highly knowledgeable about neuroscience. He was instrumental in getting PTSD recognised by the medical community as a legitimate condition, and this book goes into great detail about the neurobiological reasons why 'rational' approaches (like CBT) don't always work (as they appeal to the prefrontal cortexes -- the executive part of the brain -- rather than the more primitive, emotional parts of the brain), and therefore why 'embodied' treatments (like EMDR) are highly effective in treating PTSD. I do understand your trepidation though, and this is completely understandable. If you cannot afford the sessions (that's also what's stopping me at the moment from undertaking the treatment) there are ways you can teach yourself how to do it ... I listened to a podcast about EMDR recently (I'll try to remember which podcast and let you know) but I'm sure there would also be instructional webinar type videos on YouTube too. If you do proceed with it, I'd be very interested to hear how it goes ... Good luck xx

@Zoe7 so so kind of u to say that. I keep expecting people to attack me & to not get it but u all do.

My pain is sooooo real & intense even on meds. Gosh id b a total mess off meds.

Its just so clear what i have to do.

U know it even came up a wk or so ago in a psychic reading that theres words unspoken in family thats causing static energy. I remember thinking theres nothing wrong between my son & i cause its just been the 2 of us for the last 13yrs. It just hit my so strongly when i woke up early. As i think it was eth said ur opening up because u feel safe enough to with this therapist. & thats very true. He was so good today. He was really checking out if i could cope with doing it next wk to. He is very passionate about his job. He really admired my strength & focus & fact i was so determined & knew what i needed to do. Ive come a long way healing myself on my own but i cant do the rest on my own.

Tonight i really didnt feel like going to the sound bowls but im glad i did. It really helped & i chatted with some lovely ladies afterwards.

I should sleep better tonight as i have clearer direction.

I wont b rushing this letter rather writing editing writing crying editing til i feel ive got out what i need to say to b at peace.

& yes her reaction is hers. Im doing this for me not for her reaction.

Shes already manipulated the other brother still alive. I cant do anything about that. Maybe once she dies theyll one day question why i stayed away rather see me as the enemy.

Its interesting because the brother that isnt alive is the that said to me your the strong one & did the right thing by getting away. I can see that now but it was such a lonely life being on my own all my adult life. No1 got why i had no family. I was always questioned wherever i lived. Why dont u have family why dont u have a husband. I couldnt take their hounding so i hid from society for yrs avoiding contact.

Life can only get easier now.

Had my brother had something like this forum he might still b alive

@Former-Member I hope in time those feelings of insecurity begin to subside for you here Hon - it is hard though when you have had a life of criticism and not understanding from people but you are now part of this community where (although there will inevitably be some conflicts at times) everyone looks out for each other and is supportive and caring. Part of that is getting what others are going through and part of that is genuine concern and care for each other.

A letter such as you are going to write does not need to be rushed. It is your outlet to get out all the things you need to and that should be done in your own time and at your own pace. It is a bit like writing a eulogy but in reverse - you want to put everything into it but also need to be able to make your point succinctly and purposeful.

Your psych sounds wonderful Hon - so patient, so caring, and so supportive - makes dealing with all this so much easier when you have someone like that in your corner

I hear you about your brother and the help somewhere like this forum may have had for him - it has certainly done that for me over the last few years. ...and now it is helping you also so whilst you cannot change anything for your brother it can help you and that is what it is here for

That certainly says a lot about her @Former-Member and her inability to provide love and support - none of that is your fault or you other siblings - some people just do not have that care and compassion in them. Despite that you have a relationship with your son that is about care and compassion ...and trust - all that you have learnt for yourself and that you pass on to your son through example - something to be celebrated Hon

It is good you have found us here to connect and share your journey - it is a great outlet when you do not have that in real life. It allows you to share with those that understand. Not everyone in the outside world get what it is like to have a MI but they do not need to either. We can compartmentalise relationships according to need and maybe those in the outside world are more about family and mutual interests rather than MH. We can have both and in fact having outside relationships and connections that are not based on our MH can be beneficial.

@outlander

I forgot to add u in on this.

Still getting the hang of using this

I keep expecting u all to attack me or to criticize me & u r all so supportive. Im not used to that at all.

Ur so right its about me now & my feelings.

Saw the psychologist. Hes soooooo good. I feel safe with him.

I told him how id woken early & realised i needed to write a letter to my mother. Ive been stopping myself for a while but these pretend emails like we have been friends for yrs just arent agreeing with me.

Havent spoken to her in 16yrs & most of my life had her out completely.

In the session i remembered writing to both parents as a young teenager. Clearly trying to express my pain then but they just hated me more for confronting them.

It made me realise that i have confronted every boyfriend, that its my nature to address something if its feeling uncomfortable.

Possibly why i have an excellent relationship with my son. I always like to clear the air so we are both at peace. Hes 16 & never met my family. Kept him out of that mess.

Psychologist wants me to write the letter & bring it in to him so he can focus the EMDR session on this letter.im glad its come up cause i need to address the anger & hurt.

Hes aware that my mothers reaction is going to trigger me off. My mother is so against me doing EMDR thats because shes brushed everything under the carpet & wants it to stay there cause its more comfortable for her. Well its about me now sleeping & feeling at peace within myself & the only way is to address this. The last time i tried to address things with my parents they said it was all in my head & that its all mental illness. Well its not im completely sane. I clearly remember lots.

Anyway im ok now. Will plan time to write this letter next wk tho.

For now i just need to accept work this arvo & to let go & enjoy the sound bowls tonight.

So glad ive finally found a good therapist that appears to work with whats present at the time. Very in tune he is.

Thanks for being there for me all.

U all said the rights things