EMDR - Has anyone done this

@Zoe7 ur a sweetheart, thank you. I just feel like my symptoms r getting worse and worse. The head symptoms are the worst - the internal burning sensation, feeling like the top of my head is going to lift off, plus the burning sensation throughout my body, restlessness/fidgety-like something needs to b moving all the time, agitation, anxiety, sleep getting worse-waking up in the middle of a fight or flight response often, it's just torture and I just don't see an end to it Zoe. It just seems to be getting worse and worse. It's just awful. I can't stand being in my own body!

Going to post this now before I lose it and will post more later. Hugs Zoe xxx

That sounds excruciating @Doglover so can so see why you feel symptoms are getting worse. It certainly does not help that you are not getting enough sleep. I went through months and months like that and it was torture. I did not have the same physical symptoms as you and can only imagine how hard that is but the restlessness, anxiety, agitation was present but I didn't have the energy to do anything either so none of it would lift ...certainly didn't make sleep easy either! I don't have any answers for you Hon but a listening ear (eyes) and a soft place here for you to land.

I need to head to bed soon to try to get some sleep myself so if I drop off suddenly that is why. Still a couple of things to get done tonight too before bed and hopefully once they are done I will be a little more relaxed and able to sleep.

Thanks for ur empathy @Zoe7 , it's nice to know that you understand.

With the months of restlessness/agitation/anxiety that u had - what changed it for u?

I can't sleep during the day otherwise I wld to while away some of the hours , my mind is racing too much and body too restless and agitated. Once I wake up in the morning, the agitation/restlessness starts, like I have to b moving. If I try and stay in bed and rest some more I can't becoz my legs start moving around, or my feet, it's just awful. Did u hav that? When I'm sitting if im not doing something like writing or texting, something will be moving, my foot will b tapping, leg jiggling or something. Same if I'm standing in one spot. At home I feel like iv got to b on the move all day, constantly looking for things to do to keep me moving and fill in the day. Its just horrible and totally sux.

Do u still have trouble sleeping now or u pretty good in that regard? My head symptoms affect my sleep and it's rly unpleasant. Often wake up in the middle of like a panic attack/fight or flight response - may have alrdy mentioned that.

It's good that u r not experiencing some of those horrible symptoms anymore Zoe, and good that u r able to work and b a functioning member of society. I hope that hapns for me someday soon.

Love and blessings to u.

💜Doglover

Tagging u on the other thread iv got going @MDT

Hey @Doglover

The biggest change for me was finding a combination of meds that worked. That helped me to sleep as well as get through each day better. It did take a long time to get to that point though and it was excruciating for a long time - so I get how hard it is for you. I also had amazing support - as I have discussed with you before - irl, on here and through SANE chat. Every little bit helped keep my head above water until I could do that for myself.

I was really restless all the time but also extremely exhausted - it wasn't a good combination because I was too tired to do anything and that didnt help me keep occupied. It also made it harder to sleep - along with the nightmares and constant triggers - none of it was at all good.

I still have the occasional nightmare but nowhere near how frequent they were. Sleep is better but still not ideal - hasn't been since the last change of meds. The pay off is that I am much less depressed but nearly always feel tired ...and that can send me back into the darkness a bit at times. I do seem to come out of it much quicker nowadays - and work certainly helps. There is nothing like a room full of kids to bring some life back into one's day

When I at my worst I did not sleep for days at a time - too scared to as the nightmares were horrendous - felt like I was reliving my past over and over again - so would wake in fear and refused to even try to sleep again. Most days morphed into each other at the time and I was in a constant state of alert - every little noise, image, thought was triggering - it is pain that I would not want my worst enemy to go through - it was absolutely torture.

So whilst I cannot stand in your shoes I can walk along with you here as I understand the pain that comes with your symptoms and lack of restfull sleep. Only 8 days now until hospital - one more day done Hon. It is no doubt playing on your mind as much as what you are dealing with in the present but it is also somewhere that you will have support.

I am pretty exhausted myself today so won't be around much tonight but will check in with you again tomorrow. Hugs and hugs

Hi again @Zoe7 , this is a reply to ur post to me ystrday.

Thank u so much for all ur encouragement, wisdom and support.

There is so much fear for the future Zoe, your right. My days are dominated by it. If I listed everything I was afraid about it wld probably take me all night, at least it feels that way!

I so wish I cld sleep during the day Zoe, I certainly would if I cld, to while away some time, but I can't, my symptoms won't allow it. Im restless and agitated and like iv got to b on the move all the time. I'm always looking for things to do to keep me busy. It's the opposite to how I used to be. Before MI, I wld often have sleeps during the day bcoz I got very tired, now I'm just too revved up to be able to do that, which rly sucks.

Thank u for ur advice re hospital, I will definitely b telling them how petrified I am. I hope and pray that I get empathetic staff supporting me.

Thank u for standing with me and holding my hand Zoe and showing me so much support, I so appreciate it.

It is now 7 days until insurance kicks in. Not that I'm exactly excited about the thought of going to hospital, but the wait is rather torturous bcoz my mind just keeps going over worst case scenarios, over and over again. It's the fear of the unknown, at least when I'm in there not all of it will b known, but some of it will be.

Thanks again for all your love and support Zoe, I rly appreciate it

💜Doglover Xxx

7 days can seem an eternity when you are going through what you are @Doglover but you have also made it through the last week where you weren't sure if you could - so you can do it for another week. I know it is not at all easy - far from it - but each day that passes is another day closer to hospital and getting some of this sorted out.

It is excruciating not sleeping - I certainly hear that - and the need to be on the go all the time adds to you feeling so worn out. It is a double edged sword - you can't sleep because of the fears but the lack of sleep is adding to you not being able to function properly. I had many years of that do very much know how hard it is. You can only take one day st a time though Hon - no more is required of you. Just get through this moment, this minute, this hour, this day as best you can.

I am more than happy to walk this path with you as I do knwo how incredibly hard it is - and for me having the support on here was a godsend. Just being able to write what was going on for me and sharing here gave me a little relief at times - and so did being amongst people that got it and knew what I was going through also helped. It makes you feel less alone - and whilst that does not change what is happening or diminish the pain it does lighten the load a little. We cannot do this all on our own and you continuing to reach out here is - as I see it - a strength. Use some of that strength to get through this next week - it will not be easy but you have already shown day by day that you can do it. Focus on you and your needs and we are here to hold your hand and listen when you need it. Many hugs for you @Doglover

Hi @Zoe7 , this is a response to ur msg ystrday.

That's one of my fears, that they won't find the right combo of meds, or in fact it's ingredients in the meds themselves that r causing these problems bcoz iv had milder reactions to meds before, stopped taking them and I'm fine.

In glad uv got on a balance of meds that's working reasonable well for u. I'm just so scared that's not going to happen for me.

I'm sorry u had to go thru so much to get to that point too.

So u really understand the restlessness and agitation- it's just sheer torture isn't it? I'm so scared it's going to get worse when the wean me off the short term anxiety meds, in fact, totally scared of that process full stop!

That's horrible what u went thru with not sleeping for days at a time. I hav bn thru the same, tho for different reasons. It was excruciating bcoz I had all sorts of horrible symptoms at the same time so I was experiencing that 24/7.

I understand that constant state of alertness and vigilance. When I'm trying to go to sleep just the slightest noise will activate the fight or flight response and I'm wide awake again, it just sucks.

Yes I am counting down the days to hospital, but not in a good way. I'm trying to change my attitude and be more positive about it but I am scared of so many things in relation to it. The most prominent one being I'm scared I'm not going to get better bcoz I think the ingredients in the meds r making me worse, and IL end up in thr for months and still b no better. I hope I'm wrong, but the fact they haven't bn able to get the meds right in 10 months doesn't fill me with confidence.

Thank u for walking thru this with me @Zoe7 , I rly appreciate all of ur love and support, and appreciate knowing that u will b there for me as I go thru this. I'm also sorry for all that u have had to go thru, but it has certainly made u a caring and empathetic person. Thank u.

Hugs

Doglover 💜

It took just over 2 years to find the right meds and combinations that worked for me @Doglover so I totally get how it feels it will never happen. I had severe side effects from a couple and milder yet still uncomfortable side effects from many. It felt like 2 years of torture with no end in sight - so yes I do get how you feel that there will be nothing that helps. We have also just recently changed one of my night meds as the previous ones were not working anymore - I was heading back into that dark place and really concerned that not only was I going backwards but this time I would not make it out. I did make it out yet sleep has been affected again. As the new meds have kicked in the depression has improved though so it is a pay off I can live with for now.

I can definitely hear your frustrations and fears - especially around hospital but it is a necessary step for you Hon because you cannot continue going on like you are presently. I have everything crossed that it will not be as hard as you expect it to be but also knwoing that if it is you will have support. Definitey walking this road with you and being here for you when I can

Hi @Zoe7 , 5 days to go now til insurance kicks in. I rly do hope that going to hospital does get this sorted out. I'm so scared of coming off the s/t anxiety meds when all my symptoms r rly bad as it is. Even my pdoc was letting me know in sort of subtle ways that it's not going to b good. I'm rly scared. I think I will get thru the next 5 days now, assuming I go in on Monday - no guarantees, as long as this new med they want me to try doesn't make me worse. I tried it for 1 day before and thought it made me worse the next day but they want me to give it another go.

I wish I had a notebook or lap top or something I cld take in with me, wld mean that I cld communicate much more easily here on the forums, I find it very frustrating doing it on my phone. It takes ages and is very tedious. Typing wld be much easier!

Thank u for being willing to walk thru this with me zoe, I rly appreciate it. I have a feeling I'm going to need all the help I can get! It does make u feel a little less alone being among ppl that understand.

Thank u for ur encouragement re this week Zoe, and for holding my hand. Rly wish u cld b here physically holding my hand, unfortunately I don't rly have neone to do that. My husband is too caught up in what he's going thru and my mum is not well. An elderly lady friend will probably visit me if she can get to the hospital but she doesn't drive. I don't hav ne friends close enuf to walk thru this with me.

I appreciate ur support, hand holding and encouragement Zoe, I rly do. I just hope I can get thru what Im going to hav to go thru in hospital.

Thanks again Zoe, love and hugs,

💜 Doglover