EMDR - Has anyone done this

Thank u @eth for ur post from a couple of days ago, sending warm wishes my way. I did get it on the day but finding it hard to keep up with replies as I only have internet on my phone and it takes ages to type. But thank you for thinking of me. Xxx 💜

Thanks for your kind words @Doglover , and when you're feeling so poorly too.

How did the appointment with your pdoc go? I'm sorry to hear your hubby could't come with you and that's awful he got angry at you. That's very unfair and nasty. Must have been horrible, the last thing you need. It's a shame your mum couldn't go with you either. I know it's hard to do these things alone as I've always sought MI treatments alone, it can feel really lonely, frustrating & scary. You're brave to do it & I'm sure you did your best.

I'm sorry to hear your symptoms are getting worse. It really does sound like every day is a major struggle for you at the moment. It's great that you've been able to post here & I hope it is of some help. I'm sure things will improve for you in the future, even though it may feel like that's not possible.

Hang in there Doglover, you're doing an amazing job of coping under very challenging conditions. Let us know how you're going when you can. know that we're all thinking of you and sending you caring vibes to help you feel strong xx

Hi @eth ,

Thank u for ur support.

At the moment it seems like 1 moment at a time, and pretty much every moment is torturous.

I'm sorry that u also have the loss of pleasure in life - is that a past thing or still current? I have mentioned it to pdoc, but I think it just gets lost amongst everything else.

"Telling myself that all there was in my life was the passing of time and staying alive for those who loved me" - I can totally relate to that. Frankly I wld b happy if someone put me out of my misery but I need to stay alive for those who love me, I totally get that. That's pretty much every day for me.

I do deep breathing, mostly at night to try n help me sleep but it's not working anymore, my head symptoms r so bad. I'm on so much drugs for sedation but still my sleep is getting worse.

Iv bn meaning to do colouring in, I got a book and gel pens from my mum but haven't done nothing with it yet, maybe it's time to start. I do like sitting outside if it's nice n sunny, but not too many days like that atm.

Thanks so much for supporting me as I try n get thru this time. I honestly don't know if I'm going to make it bcoz each day is worse than the next, but il keep trying.

I hope u r doing ok with managing to find a better balance between online and offline world. I rly appreciate u taking the time to show ur kindness in supporting me. Thank u.

💙 Doglover xxx

Hi @Zoe7 ,

Yes it is incredibly hard not having that support and understanding at home that I so desperately need. It just makes this whole process more difficult to bear. Hubby can be very harsh at times, and even cruel at times. He doesn't realize he's doing it but that doesn't make it any easier. As u said, I really need support, and it's rly hard when I don't get it, which is most of the time. I just have to kp everything to myself bcoz I know he doesn't want to hear it. There is a total lack of understanding of MI on his part, as well as disinterest in trying to understand, to this point. He has agreed to come with me to an appointment tomorrow which I am hoping may make a change to that, or maybe b the beginning of change in that regard. Don't want to get my hopes up too much tho.

It's good that there are ppl like u on the forum that show that love, support and understanding. Unfortunately it can never take the place of a spouses support but it helps nonetheless. I rly appreciate ur support Zoe.

It is encouraging to know that u have come such a long way Zoe, and that u r now able to live a quality of life much better than u cld before. I'm rly happy for u that that is the case.

Thank u for ur encouragement re hospital and doing what is right for me. Still going to try n hold out but it certainly does seem a long way off and I'm not sure that I'm going to be able to make it. But going public petrifies me. That's just me, not saying others shldnt do it but I have certain hang ups about it that make it a rly frightening proposition for me. I can't remember if uv said if uv bn hospitalised, and if so private or public (sorry my head is like a sieve)!

U express urself so beautifully Zoe. Ur last paragraph is lovely, thank u. Thank u for ur love, care and support. Thank u for being there for me, I so appreciate it. It's a shame in some ways that we can only b forum friends, but that's just the way it is. I guess that's why it works. But I'd love to have a friend like u who I cld talk with on the phone, or catch up with if we were in the same state, but alas, that is never to b. I will just hav to settle for those words on the screen, and the love and support behind them.

Thanks Zoe. You're a gem

💜 Doglover

You're welcome @BryanaCamp , u deserve them

Apptment at pdoc was ok I guess, cried for about half of it. Not in a good way. He offered to admit but no beds so was glad about that coz it made my decision for me.Yes I felt very abandoned and alone, and I know u know what that feels like, having faced this alone for so many years. You must b a strong person. One thing that did hapn that I was pleased and surprised about was that hubby apologized for not coming with me and said he felt bad about it afta I left, so that was something. He didn't apologise for the very unpleasant exchange we had that morning and some of the awful things he said, but something is better than nothing I guess. Hubby just doesn't understand MI as iv said before, and isn't rly doing nething to try n change that.

Yes every day is a major struggle atm - pretty much every moment of every day. Thanks for ur encouragement that things will improve - I sure hope so!

Thanks for all ur kind and caring words of support Bryana, I rly appreciate it. And I hope everything continues to go well for u at the new job. Let's know how ur getting on when u get the chance.

💜 Doglover xxx

Sending lots of s and hugs @Doglover and will be around today if you feel like talking. Doing the colouring will at the least help some of the time pass that you need to get through at the moment - good to hear you already have the materials. Gel pens are great. Watching movies might be another thing you can do when not feeling motivated to much else.

Hope today is one of the better ones with your husband. I can hear how difficult things are with him atm.

Thinking of you, Eth

No I haven't been into hospital @Doglover I have an extreme fear of hospitals and my GP, psych and pdoc know that (and some of the reasons behind it). So they have worked together - and with me - to do all the med changes and support to keep me out of hospital. As hard as it was for me several times they knew that would be even further increased even with the mention of hospital. I had daily support from my GP, pdoc and psych over those times which I know is such amazing support. I also had so much support on here and through SANE helpline to keep me going in those very dark times. I consider myself extremely fortunate to have all the support I have had.

I do wish you had some support - especially from hubby. It is a positive that he is willing to go to your appointment today with with you and I hope that that gives him a bit more understanding and insight into what you are dealing with. Even just a little empathy from him would help. I can imagine how hard it is for you not having that support from him and really feel for you.

Let me know how the appointment goes when you can Hon. I know how hard it can often be to get through those appointments and feel like writing anything here afterwards - so in your own time

Hey @Doglover Just a check in to see how you are travelling today Hon. Been thinking of you

Hi @eth , thanks so much for your message on the 24th - I'm falling behind on my forum replies, it takes so long to type on my phone unfortunately!

Thanks so much for your support.

My husband came to a meeting with me yesterday, the purpose of which was to try and give him a bit more understanding. He has been a little better since but it's only bn 1 day so don't want to get my hopes up too much! My hubby is making a cart for use down the farm - he's only part way thru it but we painted it together ystrday so that was rly nice. We haven't rly bn doing things together since I took this MH turn last year, so it was a good thing for us to do. Probs need to think of more things like that that we can do together.

How r u @eth , r u managing to have a bit better balance in life now? I'm thinking of u and rly appreciate all ur care and support. Thank you

💜 Doglover xxx

Hi @Zoe7 , This is a reply to your message on the 24th. Sorry to take so long to get back to you, it takes so long to type msgs on my phone.

I remember now that we hav talked previously about both our fears of hospitals, sorry for forgetting. You r so blessed to hav that support and for ur team to work so closely with u and each other, and to be so understanding of ur fear of hospitals and to b willing to do whatever it took to support u with med changes outside of hospital - rly amazing. It looks like hospital is inevitable for me, whether it be in 10 days when private health insurance kicks in, or public hospital if I can't make it til then. I am petrified as they r talking about a medication wash out, which in theory I'm in agreement with, but I have no idea how they r going to accomplish it and I have a feeling it's going to be torture. Iv bn on short term anti anxiety meds for 10 months now and they r going to detox me off then. I am not looking forward to it to say the least!!!

Yes it has been extremely difficult not having the support from my hubby that I need, beyond words. But he did attend the meeting with me yesterday and he said he got a lot out of it so that's good. He has been different with me since but it's only bn 1 day so don't want to get my hopes up just yet.

How r u doing Zoe? I hope things r well ur end. I'm thinking of u and rly appreciate all ur love and support. Thank u.

.💙 Doglover xxx