EMDR - Has anyone done this

Hey @Doglover Checking in to see how you are travelling today

Hi @Zoe7 , this is a reply from ur post on 19th, I know there's beenmore recent ones so I hope this makes sense. Going from the oldest to the newest.

That's really cool about the giraffe Zoe, that must b a lot of fun, and a sense of achievement. He sounds pretty big. So cool that u have got so much joy out of him, and out of bringing him back to his former glory.

Yes I am finding it very hard to just live in the moment, my mind is constantly racing ahead to worst case scenarios. it actually really scares me how little control I have over my mind at present. It's rather concerning. Thank you for your sage advice. My thoughts are constantly about things I can't control anyway but I just don't seem to be able to stop my brain from going there. But I need to take your advice somehow and just live and focus on today and stop fretting about the future. I hardly ever used to do that before MI. Thanks again for ur advice Zoe. Enjoy Mr giraffe. Does he have a name?

Hi @eth , this is a reply to ur msg a cpl of days ago, I think there's bn a cpl more since then but going from oldest to newest, so I hope this makes sense.

I'm definitely struggling to take one day at a time, my thoughts seem to constantly be on the future worst case scenario. It's quite scary how little control I have over my mind these days, didn't used to be like that. I don't really have any hobbies, and nothing really gives me any pleasure at the moment. Even the pleasure i get from my dog is very limited now, when it used to be so much. I just feel like my mind is stuffed, and my life along with it. Nothing gives me pleasure or joy anymore. It's very sad.

Yes his name is Raffi - really original lol @Doglover It was not all my doing - the kids helped me name him but Raffi was pretty popular so we stuck with that. He presently lives in my loungeroom - both Toby and Cat wondered what he was for a couple of days but soon got used to him - now they sit on the board he is connected to between his legs. It is all on wheels so it is easy to move him around.

Now to the important stuff

It is harder to live in the moment or in the day at hand than a lot of people think. It takes practice, practice and more practice but still doesn't always work. I still have days that the world is a dark and hollow place so I do get where you are sitting and how hard it is Hon. Those are the days when you cannot see past the present point in time however everything feels like it is happening all at once and will never change. There is no doubting that this place is soooo hard to be sitting. Life and all that comes with it is just plain difficult sometimes - and when those days seem to flow and merge into each other we cannot see any way out. I am not going to say it is easy to find your way out because it really isn't easy. You need to utilise all the supports you have, lean on those you can and know that you are supported to get through this. There is a way through - you just have not found that yet. But with each passing day it becomes closer to the time you can go into hospital - and with each passing day it brings you a day closer to receiving that extra support. Hold onto those that you can right now @Doglover and continue to take it a day at a time. We are here with you, listening and supporting you - and continuing to provide that hope even when you cannot see it for yourself. Others here have done exactly that for me even when all I could see was darkness - they held a light for me and just a little hope - and it did help. Just knowing that others understand how bleak my life was and how much I wanted to give up actually encouraged me to keep going - as much for them as for me. They had faith in my strength as I do for yours - you can do this Hon and I am now holding that light up for you

Heading off forum now @Doglover but wanted to stop by and say goodnight - one day at a time Hon - that is all we can do

Hi @Doglover I'm hearing you about how difficult things are for you at the moment. I agree with everything @Zoe7 has said. When it gets so tough sometimes it's even one hour at a time. I've had years of 'anhedonia' too - the loss of pleasure in things that would usually give pleasure - and I get what a struggle it can be to find it again (it is worth mentioning to your therapists). I spent years just lying around with a book (mysteries from the library) or watching TV when I couldn't get interested in anything else. Telling myself that all there was in my life was the passing of time and staying alive for those who loved me. Sometimes just sitting outside for a few minutes can help. Breathing practice can help ( I lie down and count my breaths 4 in and 4 out - even if I can only do it for 10 minutes it has a good effect on brain chemistry). I started doing adult colouring books during that time too - the colour therapy is also good for us. Just offering what I can from my own experience.

I too am holding you in the light as you get through the wait for private hospital.

Lots of s, Eth

Hi @Zoe7 , finally getting to some more replies. Not travelling too well, pretty bad actually. Will write more in response to one of ur more recent posts to me.

Cool name for your giraffe @Zoe7 . That's cute. I bet the kids will get a lot of enjoyment out of it when u take him to school. Very clever with him being on wheels and everything.

Thank u for all ur support Zoe. It is extremely hard to live in the moment, or the day, especially when ur mind wants to do the opposite. It definitely feels like things will never change, never get better. I really hope and pray u r right about the being a way thru, I rly do. I'm rly stuggling to make it thru each day and I don't know if I can hold out the next 2 weeks. Things seem to be going getting worse by the day. I have my pdoc appt this afternoon and wonder if I shld just let them admit me publicly. It just feels like things r getting worse each day. My husband rly doesn't want me to go public and when I spoke to him this morning about my symptoms getting worse it ended up in an argument, well from his side anyway. He got rly angry and told me I need to snap out of this for the sake of the ppl around me or I'm going to end up in a mental institution for the rest of my life. Thats what he said. He said a lot of other things that were pretty hard to take as well. He just got rly angry with me, like it was my fault. he's also struggling to live with a wife that he doesn't know nemore. And he's right, I'm not the same person. But I can't make myself b different. He things I need to just stop being so negative and start looking at positive things and the good things in life, but that's rly hard when ur in this position. I just don't know what to do Zoe. I am at a loss. Even with pdoc apptment, I don't know what to do or say or whether to let them admit me now or still try n hold out. 2 weeks is a long time when ur feeling like this. And I don't think I wld have my husband's support if I gave in and went public. I think he wld be quite angry at me. I feel like I have very little support. My husband is not there for me, my mum is unwell and can't b the for me, I feel alone and abandoned. I guess that's why I'm here.

Thank u for encouraging me to keep on going Zoe. I don't know what the future holds for me but I certainly hope it's better than this. I just want to b myself again, and my husband wants his wife back. He said this morning that hes living with someone he doesn't even know. It was pretty gut wrenching. He's rly struggling in our marriage, as am I. There's just no joy in anything for me and of course that has a massive impact on him.

I rly hope it is possible for me to come back from where I am - I just don't see how. But thank u for shining the light of hope for me. Maybe if u can I can too.

Thank u Zoe my friend.

Warm wishes to u.

Doglover 💜

Hi @BryanaCamp ,

Somehow I managed to make it through the weekend. I'm sorry to hear about your car. Have u found out how much it will cost to fix? I hope it's not too much and that u r able to afford it.

You're welcome re interest in job. I'm so sorry u haven't bn receiving the support on here. And I'm rly annoyed someone ridiculed your job. That makes me mad. I think it's amazing what u r doing, after 7 years not being able to work - major kudos to u as far as I'm concerned. Frankly it wldnt matter what job u we're doing I'd feel the same, but working in a library is a great job. But if u we're working as a cleaner I wld still feel the same. I think uv done amazingly well to b able to go back to work, no matter what work that is! I hope u get some more support from ppl on the forums - u have bn such a wonderful support to so many, it's only right that it shld b returned in kind

Unfortunately my symptoms r getting worse. I'm just hoping I can hold out the 2 weeks, but it's a big call at the moment. My husband got rly angry with me this morning when I told him the symptoms r getting worse, like it was my fault. And rly angry when I told him I might not make the 2 weeks. He thinks I need to just snap out of it and start thinking positive. He wld b rly mad at me if I can't hold out the 2 weeks. It's a rly hard place to b in.

I try hard to keep busy, but the thoughts and symptoms are still there - they never go away.

I'm seeing my pdoc today and I am at a loss as to what to do and what to say. I think they will want to admist me and I just don't know if I want to go down that track. I'd like my husband by to come with me but I don't think he will bcoz he's just fed up with it all. I was going to ask mum but she is unwell so can't come with me so I'm rly feeling very alone at a time when I rly need support.

Thanks for ur encouragement @BryanaCamp and for sitting with me thru this.

💜Doglover xxx

It must be so incredibly hard not having that support at home @Doglover and even harder when hubby makes such comments. That is not at all what you need Hon - you need and deserve support. I can imagine it is hard for hubby seeing you go through all this but you are the one having to deal with all these negative thoughts and him laying it all at your feet like that and expecting you to just 'snap out of it' shows his lack of understanding around what you are going through. It is so often so hard for the people around us to understand the devastating effect of MI - especially if they have never been through anything like this themselves - that is what we are here for though Hon - to share in our experiences and support you and others through the trials and tribulations of MI.

As I have said to you before - from where I was to where I am now are poles apart. I was very much where you are now (and at times even deeper into the depths of despair) - so I do know there is hope and a way out of all this. It is not an easy road though and takes time. You do not have to have all the answers overnight (none of us do) but you do have our ongoing support as you travel this road. I can hear how difficult life is for you at the moment and how far off you feel the admission to a private hospital is. I hope that your pdoc appointment today helped you make a decision and if it is an admission you need right now then that is what you need to do. When it comes down to it - it is your welfare that is important here and if you do not think you can hold on for the next 2 weeks then public is the option left. Whether your hubby is angry or not it is ultimately up to you and your wellbeing that needs to be the primary focus.

Whatever you decide we are here supporting you - it may only be some words on the screen but behind them is genuine care for you - so continue reaching out when you need and we will be here listening