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Attachment weirdness, neediness, shame

TheVorticonSenior Contributor07 July 2019, 8:03 am AEST

Attachment weirdness, neediness, shame

I seem to struggle a lot with feelings of 'liking' and 'caring about' in certain relationships.

For example, I might like someone and want to talk to them, but that's bad because I shouldn't want that, so I have to police myself to not talk to them which makes me upset, which is even more reason to be ashamed by the intensity of the feeling which I shouldn't even have in the first place.

Does anyone else understand what I mean?

164 replies

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In response to: Attachment weirdness, neediness, shame

TheVorticonSenior Contributor25 Oct 2019, 11:05 am AEDT

Re: Attachment weirdness, neediness, shame

I'm glad you got a reply from your psych eventually @CheerBear. It's hard when things get dark and twisty-ish and it's so much worse when we reach out and get tumbleweeds.

Things with my psych are complicated. I could say that he's been my psych for almost 12 years with a 10 year break in the middle.
I've followed up to ask for an appointment next week and let him know that it will have to be our last session of we can't resolve the issue. I don't expect to hear back from that until early next week. It sucks a whole lot. Maybe for the best.

In response to: Re: Attachment weirdness, neediness, shame

CheerBearSenior Contributor25 Oct 2019, 12:13 pm AEDT

Re: Attachment weirdness, neediness, shame

Wow that's a long time to have known someone over @TheVorticon. I can see how that might complicate things even more maybe.

Sounds like a good plan with the email you sent. Very sucky though. I really hope you have a helpful outcome soon

In response to: Re: Attachment weirdness, neediness, shame

TheVorticonSenior Contributor25 Oct 2019, 1:34 pm AEDT

Re: Attachment weirdness, neediness, shame

Thanks @CheerBear

In response to: Re: Attachment weirdness, neediness, shame

CheerBearSenior Contributor29 Oct 2019, 2:41 pm AEDT

Re: Attachment weirdness, neediness, shame

Hey @TheVorticon. Just thinking of you wondering whether you heard back from your psych about an appointment this week and how you're feeling about it all if you're up for the share?

In response to: Re: Attachment weirdness, neediness, shame

AppleblossomSenior Contributor29 Oct 2019, 3:23 pm AEDT

Re: Attachment weirdness, neediness, shame

@TheVorticon

It really does sound like time to change your therapist. It was a doctor who suggested I change for no other reason that I was not satisfied. He also said that if I wanted to change every 2 years that was alright. I was really surprised by that and it took a while to sink in, but it was good advice. They are all just human, and if nothing else it gave me sense that my peculiar thoughts, instincts etc mattered. Having a health care team has helped me. We dont have to sit with negative judgmental stuff that therapists do project. We can move on.

In response to: Re: Attachment weirdness, neediness, shame

TheVorticonSenior Contributor29 Oct 2019, 9:04 pm AEDT

Re: Attachment weirdness, neediness, shame

Thanks for asking @CheerBear . I heard back from him and have an appointment this week. Hearing back definitely helped me calm down. And he finally seems to get that the thing isn't working, and seems ok to change how it happens. So fingers crossed for now.

Thanks for your input @Appleblossom. I really don't know about changing. On one hand all the issues with him have been good practise for resolving miscommunications or expressing my needs, but on the other hand they've also been really stressful and painful when they happen. Then, I feel so attached to him as a psych that the idea of never talking to him again is seriously upsetting. I feel like he is trying to listen and help but I have never been particularly communicative or accepting-of-help-able and that's affecting how things play out... so for now I'm willing to stick in there... I guess until the next rupture *rolling eyes*

In response to: Re: Attachment weirdness, neediness, shame

CheerBearSenior Contributor30 Oct 2019, 5:54 am AEDT

Re: Attachment weirdness, neediness, shame

Glad to hear you heard back @TheVorticon. Relationships with psychs or any kind of health professional, can be complicated and tricky. I get it.

Hope he responds to what's going on for you in a helpful way when you have your appointment. If you feel up for sharing how it goes, I'm interested in hearing.

In response to: Re: Attachment weirdness, neediness, shame

AppleblossomSenior Contributor30 Oct 2019, 4:41 pm AEDT

Re: Attachment weirdness, neediness, shame

Thats fine. DO what you feel wnd know is best for you. I have felt like that with my earlier therapists. @TheVorticon I have had to work hard to cultivate my gut instinct.

As long as you feel there is some respect and you are getting somewhere. For the first 20 years I was uber respectful for their time and would never have expected a call back, but these days with email etc, there are different protocols and expectations.

The other side is working through your own transference issues. Attaching to them as significant other is important for processing internal trust and abandonment stuff as well as learning to work within the system in the here and now.

Take Care

Apple

In response to: Re: Attachment weirdness, neediness, shame

CheerBearSenior Contributor08 Nov 2019, 6:34 am AEDT

Re: Attachment weirdness, neediness, shame

👋 @TheVorticon. Thought of you yesterday while I was at EB games. Next Friday is a day we're looking forward to here. Wondering if it is one for you too.

Also wondering how the psych stuff went/is going. I am not wanting to be annoying though.

Thinking of you 😎

In response to: Re: Attachment weirdness, neediness, shame

TheVorticonSenior Contributor08 Nov 2019, 9:45 am AEDT

Re: Attachment weirdness, neediness, shame

Hi @CheerBear 🙂
Yep I'm looking forward to next Friday too. This is the first game I've ever preordered. I'm still having trouble getting myself to take the time to play games (rather than doing other mindless stuff), so I hope I'll get into this one.

It went ok with my psych. We set the next couple of session dates so I don't have to email. We also have been avoiding any emotional topics and just talking about stuff that's been less challenging for me to make changes with. So it's made for some nice sessions that are helpful for some things. The other stuff is just kind of brewing and I'm not sure what's going to happen with it if I can't handle sessions about it... But oh well.

Thanks for your message - I never find it annoying.
Hope you've been doing OK.

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