Connect with people who understand what you are going through, seek advice and surround yourself with support. We're free, anonymous, and professionally moderated 24/7.

47,612Members
1,358,869Posts
1,400,000Visitors

Something’s not right

Attachment weirdness, neediness, shame

TheVorticonSenior Contributor07 July 2019, 8:03 am AEST

Attachment weirdness, neediness, shame

I seem to struggle a lot with feelings of 'liking' and 'caring about' in certain relationships.

For example, I might like someone and want to talk to them, but that's bad because I shouldn't want that, so I have to police myself to not talk to them which makes me upset, which is even more reason to be ashamed by the intensity of the feeling which I shouldn't even have in the first place.

Does anyone else understand what I mean?

164 replies

91 - 100 of 164

1...9 10 11...17

In response to: Attachment weirdness, neediness, shame

TheVorticonSenior Contributor15 Apr 2020, 7:18 am AEST

Re: Attachment weirdness, neediness, shame

Thanks for understanding and replying @CheerBear.

Yeah it's best that I don't go into the specifics here.

That's rubbish about the psychiatrist. I dunno why they even have that sort of function in that setting because how can they possibly know anything about what's going on to make any sort of diagnosis. Feeling pretty pissed off for you there.

I do sense that you get me about the beat-up-for-able stuff. I'm glad that you're pushing back against those ideas for you (cause I don't think there's beat-up-for-able stuff in you either).

I dunno if it would be good for me to know for sure or not. If I did know and it was, then there's a pretty strict course of action that I would have to take. But if it is and I don't know, then that leaves me having to decide if I take it preemptively or not, or take a partial course of action in line with the likelihood of how much I think it might be.

In response to: Re: Attachment weirdness, neediness, shame

CheerBearSenior Contributor15 Apr 2020, 7:39 am AEST

Re: Attachment weirdness, neediness, shame

Really glad to hear from you this morning @TheVorticon.

Thanks for listening and for getting it. I look back now and see where some fire was lit inside and how it helped me find a path/some direction I am proud of 💪 I enjoy using it sometimes to argue with my psych too and remind him that people in power need to be kept in check 😁

I understand that the not knowing for sure allows you the possibility of a less strict course of action. So, so much of me wants to say that there is no need to take any action at all and that you as a person deserve kindness. But the other part of me understands that how I feel about you and how you feel about you are different. I'm hearing how big this is for you and how strongly you feel about it.

I'm interested in hearing how you get on making your way through this, even if you can't talk specifics. We care.

In response to: Re: Attachment weirdness, neediness, shame

TheVorticonSenior Contributor24 Apr 2020, 10:20 am AEST

Re: Attachment weirdness, neediness, shame

I'm still irritatingly curious about what "options" my psych might be considering.

Knowing won't really help anything but I still want to know, but then I don't want to know details that will lead to self-punishment (and it's not particularly difficult to tip myself into that mindset - I could probably swing almost anything there given the opportunity and motive).

Part of his reason for not telling me (aside from not really knowing yet) is that I'll research the hell out of it and come across unhelpful stuff... Which I understand is more harmful than not knowing and researching a much wider range of things but not identifying with any of them. But both are still a waste of time.

In response to: Re: Attachment weirdness, neediness, shame

MaggieSenior Contributor24 Apr 2020, 10:36 am AEST

Re: Attachment weirdness, neediness, shame

@TheVorticon When I was diagnosed I researched the hell out of it. I did find some unhelpful stuff, but I found helpful stuff as well. It’s tricky.

I had a pretty good idea of my diagnosis before it was ‘ official ‘. I had been given other ‘ labels’, more to help my psych at the time I think, as they were nowhere near who I am. I took meds for bipolar for years, until I realised myself, it wasn’t me, after research. Borderline personality was another. It never did fit, but sometimes a label is for others, not us.

I’m rambling, wanting to let you know I’m hearing you. Sending 💜💜💜

In response to: Re: Attachment weirdness, neediness, shame

TheVorticonSenior Contributor24 Apr 2020, 10:53 am AEST

Re: Attachment weirdness, neediness, shame

Thanks for listening @Maggie. That sounds hard being given labels that didn't fit. I hope with your diagnosis now, the helpful has been outweighing the unhelpful.

I have like 4 separate guesses about what mine could be. The one that I think is most likely is "doesn't match criteria for one of the standard diagnoses" which in itself is annoying because then no amount of researching will get me closer to an answer. Although I dunno why I'm looking for some sort of magic answer as if it'll actually help anything. A lot of diagnoses aren't conclusive on the cause so it still won't explain why I am the way I am. :face_with_rolling_eyes: Maybe it would just help me understand myself a bit better, but if it's wrong then that goes way out the window.

I dunno. No good answer. But thanks for sharing - it helps not to just get stuck in my own thoughts.

In response to: Re: Attachment weirdness, neediness, shame

CheerBearSenior Contributor29 Apr 2020, 6:05 am AEST

Re: Attachment weirdness, neediness, shame

How have the last few days been @TheVorticon, if you feel like sharing? When do you speak with psych again?

Just like @Maggie said above, my psych has often said that a label is for others more than it is for the person being labeled. Sometimes (most of the time) that makes me say something like 'well &$%@ your labels then' 😉, but in a way it helps me to think of it like that too. Kind of like all horrible paperwork stuff that's involved with things like c-link and NDIS maybe. It can hurt but it can serve a purpose.

As much as I hate to say it, having labels can help me understand myself better sometimes. I can catch myself thinking or doing something unhelpful and have some insight into how and why it might be which can give me a little pause. But if the label doesn't fit or is wrong then it can do nothing helpful in that way. It's a tricky dilemma you're in as there are pros and cons both ways.

Hearing you and thinking of you

In response to: Re: Attachment weirdness, neediness, shame

TheVorticonSenior Contributor29 Apr 2020, 9:47 am AEST

Re: Attachment weirdness, neediness, shame

Hi @CheerBear.

I'm feeling OK about the diagnosis situation today, but am also just feeling a bit sad and miss talking to my psych (which hopefully I can admit without making myself feel bad about it). I have an appointment tomorrow which still feels like a long time away even though it isn't.

There always seems like so much that could be talked about, if I want to talk about them, but it's difficult to decide what topics to choose.

In response to: Re: Attachment weirdness, neediness, shame

CheerBearSenior Contributor05 May 2020, 6:32 am AEST

Re: Attachment weirdness, neediness, shame

Just checking in to see how the last little while has been @TheVorticon. Hope there's not too much pressure on you at work. Thinking of you

In response to: Re: Attachment weirdness, neediness, shame

TheVorticonSenior Contributor05 May 2020, 9:26 am AEST

Re: Attachment weirdness, neediness, shame

Thanks for checking in @CheerBear.
It's been a bit 😢😞😠😔😐
Psych said if things went like that after a session then we could have a quick phone call to avoid assuming and spiralling so I did that last night (after stressing way out about asking) and it helped for awhile. Back to 😞 today but hopefully can drop the destructive 😠 because that one makes things pretty bad. The alternative is maybe 😬😣 for awhile but is safer.
At least I didn't quit sessions, then get myself into a mess over having quit :face_with_rolling_eyes:. I just almost-did. I think hopefully we're starting to understand how we can work together better but why does it have to be SO hard 🧐

Work is a bit 😖 considering everything else. Don't want to deal with it.

Hopefully we have similar emoji libraries to translate them or this is going to make no sense 🤣 When I use my desktop I don't have any emojis so they all look like squares until I use my phone like I'm doing now.
I've been following along with the posts in the other thread and am glad that your big gig went well other than the normal but unhelpful post-analysis, and that the home school stuff is easier now. 👍

In response to: Re: Attachment weirdness, neediness, shame

CheerBearSenior Contributor05 May 2020, 1:49 pm AEST

Re: Attachment weirdness, neediness, shame

Haha @TheVorticon - all your emojis make sense to me so 👍 for that 😁

Sorry to hear it's been a bit all over the place (by the look of it). Really awesome you took psych up on the offer of a call last night. I totally get how hard that can be to do sometimes.

Is the destructive 😠 able to be dropped so far today?

I really wish it was easier for you with psych. It sucks that it is so hard. Often I think things are hard when they really matter, though for me I can then start to question why something matters so much. Really tricky.

I hope work is deal-able with today. Having too many 😖 and :face_with_rolling_eyes:😬😢😞😐😣 things at once makes it tough going.

😎

91 - 100 of 164

1...9 10 11...17

SANE Forums is published by SANE with funding from the Australian Government Department of Health.

SANE Forums does not provide crisis support.
If you need immediate assistance, please see available crisis services.

Learn more about SANE and SANE services at sane.org

Aboriginal flag

Torres Strait Islander flag

Transgender flag

SANE acknowledges the Traditional Owners of Country throughout Australia and recognises the continuing connection to lands, waters and communities. We pay our respect to Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander cultures; and to Elders past and present.

SANE values diversity. We are committed to providing a safe, culturally appropriate, and inclusive service for all people, regardless of their ethnicity, faith, disability, sexuality, or gender identity.

Aboriginal flag

Torres Strait Islander flag

Transgender flag

SANE acknowledges the Traditional Owners of Country throughout Australia and recognises the continuing connection to lands, waters and communities. We pay our respect to Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander cultures; and to Elders past and present.

SANE values diversity. We are committed to providing a safe, culturally appropriate, and inclusive service for all people, regardless of their ethnicity, faith, disability, sexuality, or gender identity.