Loneliness

@eth I might take him to my doctor that way she knows the family history. I'm just keeping myself stable as best I can to be available for him, it's teaching me to really watch my thoughts and catch the negative ones before they drag me down. I'm slowly understanding why mindfulness is so important and keeping myself in the present. The past has taken enough of my attention and the future doesn't exist! Learning to think differently is like a baby taking its first steps, I have to be patient and keep trying. I'm taking my son out for coffee and to catch what remains of the sun! Hope you are well today 🙂

how is the coffee @Former-Member , thinking of you lots today my friend

one step at a time my awesome friend and we are with you all the way xxxx

You're sounding strong to me @Former-Member It's great that you are there for him. They say 'yesterday's history, tomorrow's a mystery' but it's not always easy to live by. Good on you for working on it.

morning @Former-Member , I think you're doing awesome with your strategy - you gotta be strong and positive within yourself to be a support for your son. My brother had a psychosis recently & went to psych hospital. Supporting him was really tough, it seemed to trigger my own psychotic symptoms because I found it so stressful. I struggled to look after myself. It is defintiely important to look after yourself first so you can support someone else with their mental illness.

That's terrific your new meds are helping. Well done. And great you're employing mindfulness to manage negative thoughts.

Are you organising a psychologist for yourself?

You're a great mum & a brave person, you seem to be really tackling your symptoms and working towards a better quality of life. Good on you

@BryanaCamp oh wow, what a beautiful reply to wake up to! Thankyou so much, I'm out in the park again, my thoughts run rampant first thing when I wake up and I find it helps to get out and walk. It's become a comfort for me. Yes, I can relate to you, the onset of MI in my son had me in panic mode which wasn't useful. His symptoms mirror mine and I know from experience there is no quick fix. He is very caught up in his head and I know things always seem much worse than they are as a result. All I can do is be there for him and support him with doctors appointments. I'm doing a lot of praying too, I'm not religious, I just talk to God and ask for help as this is bigger than me. I figure it can't hurt! I'm yet to find a psychologist, there is a therapy called Schema therapy which I'd like to explore and have a therapist in mind but he doesn't bulk bill. Just waiting to see if NDIS can help with that. At the moment though, I'm OK to plod through until then.

@Shaz51 Coffee was good, we caught some afternoon son. I made him.a comfort dinner of tacos and we watched the footy. Well, I fell asleep lol but he watched his beloved Magpies lose! Then we went for another walk, he needed to vent about struggles at work he's having due to MI. It's affecting him at Uni too. Social aspects are really hard for him, he gets overwhelmed by everything. Just trying to provide him a safe space at home. We came back from walk and watched Pirates of the Carribean. Well, he did, I fell asleep again!

@eth my doctor gave me some meds to help me sleep, coupled with the new meds she put me on I feel stabilised. I'm learning to be grateful for the moments of relief I have and when I'm struggling I refer to those moments to remind myself of what works and what doesn't. Up until early this year, I was so troubled by past traumas, it's taken a good good 4 years of crying, ranting, venting, walking, praying, countless doctors visits, psyche appointments, walking, LOTS of walking, day and night. I would be in floods of tears as soon as I would wake up, I was just starting to process a lot of pain and trauma from the past, it truly was a living hell. My son witnessed all the ugliness and I know it affected him. But, it was a process I had to go through, I wish there was a better way. I can finally with so much gratitude to the powers that be, that the crying has stopped. I cried it all out. I do feel at peace with the past where it belongs, in the past. But, there was no short cut or miracle, it was a daily barrage that I thought would end me. But it didn't. I'm here. I turned over every painful stone and finally grieved. I had to face the things that were haunting me, as I ran out of running energy. There a saying ' If you're going through hell, keep on going!', that is the only way out of it, through it. I know my son will have to face his own walk through hell, and I'm right here with him cheering him through until he makes it out. That's all I can do. Sorry this turned into a long reply! But it really is just one day at a time, as you said, the future is a mystery, and it can wait.

Hi @Former-Member yes for some of us dealing with the past is a long and rocky road. Myself included - complex PTSD and bipolar 1 are my challenges. The ptsd part is from traumatic events that have happened every few years since I was 10 years old (I'm now 56). One of the things I've done is a Wellness Recovery Action Plan (you can google it) and in it is a list called 'Toolbox' where I write things that help or that I do more of when I'm relatively well those moments of relief you refer to. So I can look at that when I'm not doing so well. I find it really helps having written it down. Wondering if this is something that might help you too. There's also a thread on the forums called "Coping Box" that has just started up again that has some good stuff in it.

I also have an adult child (now 30) who witnessed a lot of ugliness and was present during some of the things that happened to me. They have ptsd too as a result and struggle with depression and anxiety. All we can do is be there for them and love them, and keep our own health managed as well as possible so we can do that. Helping them work out what self-care means for them is also something we can do.

At this stage we both have good therapists in our life and are managing better over time. For me I've made the most progress with a combination of EMDR and CBT with a psychologist and a balance of meds that took years to get right from the psychiatrist.

Some days it's even one step at a time.

But as for the future - I've been encouraged to have goals (for my own well-being and also for the NDIS), both short and longer term, and it does help to review them and what progress I've made and what next steps can be. For me that helps in not being anywhere near as locked in the past as I was for many years.

That's my long reply in response to your long reply!

@eth @thank you so much for sharing your experience. Trauma belies so much MI, our brains are great at keeping us alive through it, but it requires nudging to get out of that survival mode. Thank you for also being honest about the ugliness and what your daughter has and is going through. The whole family is affected, in my family of origin, nothing was discussed and no one ever sought any help or even thought they had a problem. I'm the youngest and only one who has accepted the reality, that MI was and is a major reason for the dysfunctions that tore our family apart and none of us are in contact. For my own wellbeing, I've had to cut all contact with my siblings due to the toxicity. Both my parents are dead so doing this alone and raising my son alone while battling crippling MI has been a very torturous and lonely road. The loneliness is the worst. That's my biggest battle now, how to find a way out of it.

@Former-Member sorry to hear you are so unsupported by family. I was too for many years - but a different situation from yours. I was also a single mum, and my child was an only child so I can relate to that and know how hard it can be going it alone. But also how special the bond is between 1 adult 1 child families.

I also cut contact with my family for years, and even having some contact now I have to maintain strict boundaries with most of them, otherwise they can trigger me too much. e.g. I never see my mother alone any more. She denies my reality, changes what she says is the truth of the past, and even told me she lies sometimes.

The loneliness is hard. This last year is the first time in decades that I've joined a couple of activities in the community and met some new people. I went to bridge lessons and do water tai chi. It took ages to find things I wanted to do, and I did them with support (I have NDIS support workers). There is also something called 'Meet Ups' that has all sorts of groups. And a lot of libraries have things like computer groups, book groups etc. Community centres are a good place to find out what's on too, and notice boards that even supermarkets have these days. Just some ideas for you.

It's hard to overcome social phobia and stigma, takes practice, but I just want to say there is hope. It's still a learning time for me, and I have setbacks some days, but it is getting a bit easier. Despite being a natural introvert, which it's ok to be.

Take care and hope today is a peaceful one for you.