Loneliness

Hi everybody, I'm new here and have been reading posts last night to get me through this cavernous loneliness I'm experiencing. It's a constant spectre and when it is at it's worst, it feels like I'm being swallowed up into an abyss. Everything makes me sad during these episodes, seeing families in the street going out to dinner particularly hits me hard. I've taken to going for walks early in the morning to avoid seeing people as I compare my lack of a life to their seeming inclusion in it, and down the rabbit hole I go. I crave connection and belonging, but at the same time I'm afraid of being overwhelmed by people, which I feel whenever I get too close to anyone. I also am afraid that if they get to know me, they will see that I'm not all together mentally and reject me. Rejection is also a big fear I have which sees me run away from people I feel are getting too close. And then I find myself alone again. This has been a vicious cycle I've been in for decades. How do I learn to feel like a valuable person worthy of friendship? I would like to break this pattern now that I'm aware of it. Thank you.