To hospital or not to hospital

morning @Doglover , my new job is a library job. My background (many moons ago!) is in libraries. I'm excited and a little bit nervous, it also doesn't feel quite real yet but I'm sure it will when my alarm goes off tomorrow morning! I do have insecurities about seeming like a weird mental patient (though my pdoc assures me that I come across as normal) and interpersonal skills (difficult colleauges/managers have been my down fall in the past).

Yes, I totally believe that things will improve for you and you have every reason to hope for symptom relief and a better quality of life. I know it's hard to see that when you're in pain & suffering & not sleeping well, everything feels like a dead-end and frustrating. You're doing really well in extremely difficult circumstances, don't forget that. You've been very strong to deal with months of adversity and should be proud of how brave and persistent you are.

I've got a cruisy day today. Did the inspection go ok with your house? How are your symptoms today?

Thanks for thinking of me @outlander , im doing so so. My doc wants to put me in hospital in a few weeks to withdraw from short term anti anxiety medications that iv now bn on for about 8 months. Im beyond nervous about that. Wev tried doing it as an outpatient but the effects hav bn torturous so he told me to go back to what i was taking and il hav to do it in hospital. Not sure how its going to b any better in hospital - still torturous i wld imagine. Im totally not looking forward to it but i dont rly hav a choice. I just hope thrs things they can giv me to make it not so bad!

Hav u got much planned for the day @outlander ? Now that im not working i find it very difficult to fill in my days. Some times they just loom large in front of me and i wonder how the heck im going to fill in all those hours. Do u ever feel like that?

Im so happy for u about the job @BryanaCamp . Not surprising ur nervous as well as excited! Only 1 more sleep to go! Its grt that u got a job in the area of ur past work history. Im sure things will hav changed but hopefully ul slot right back in there. Its a rly big achievement @BryanaCamp . I hope the ppl that u work for, and with, are rly nice and theres no problems. How many hours a week will u be working? Im rly happy for u @BryanaCamp , im sure u will do really well. Ur courage and resilience in the most difficult of circumstances will hold u in good stead. I find it amazing that u were able to get a job after 7 years out of the workforce without govt assistance. Thats rly sumthing!

Thanks again for ur encouragement that things will get better for me, i need to hold on to that bcoz mostly i feel so hopeless and like thr is no way out. I hav a very gloomy outlook as to my prognosis and that just adds to the anxiety and depression. Feel free to remind me any time to take inspiration from u! From where u hav come to whr u r now, and if that can hapn for u it can hapn for me too!

Our rent inspection went fine thanks. The house is in much better condition now than it was when we moved in.

My symptoms r pretty well the same as normal.

Hubby is going stir crazy being around the house all the time. The weather is horrible so wre trying to come up with sumthing to get us out of the house but stay out of the weather. Havnt come up with a plan yet!

Thanks for ur lovely post bryana. I rly do wish u the very best for tmrw and the coming week. Take care and enjoy! Xxx

i'm thinking similar to you @ Doglover

my psychologist does not reccomend hospitalisation they say the problem will still be there when i get out.

i have been told by two GP's that i can go to 'the local Community Health Centre'- does anyone know what that means exactly?i tell my psych that i want to do harm to myself he just says he doesnt beleive me.

i feel like i need some 'tools' for every day, to force myself to keep going.

has anyone ever put yourself in hospital, did it help you? did you feel it was the best option for you?

Hi @DGoldman , thanks for ur post.

I think there are a number of ppl on the forum that hav had both good and not so good experiences in hospital. I do think its a bit irresponsible for a psychologist to recommend against hospitalisation. I mean, lets face it, nobody rly wants to b admitted to hospital, but thr are cases whr it saves ppls lives so i dont agree with ur psychologist having that approach.

Dont know what the local community health centre is, or what it cld do for u.

Its pretty bad that ur psychiatrist doesnt believe u when u say u want to self harm. Do u know why he doesnt believe u? Whatever, its not a good thing.

Does ur psych give u tools? I hav an OT that does that but i hav to practice them which i usually dont. Hav just bn told off for that so need to start.

I cant help u with ur queries re hospital obviously, but will b keen to see if u get ne further replies other than those who hav alrdy replied.

Take care @DGoldman . Its nice to meet u and i hope u are well supported by sone of the wonderful ppl on here.

Best wishes,

Doglover

Hi @outlander , yes iv bn going thru hell, and iv only done minimal reduction. Now back to previous level and still going thru hell. Been at my mums place this afternoon/ tonight and basically bawled my eyes out the whole time. Im just gutted. Gutted at what my life has become, and hav no hope for anything being ne better in the future. I am so scared i cant even describe. I was hoping to b able to hold out til private insurance kicked in but things r pretty bad, not sure that im going to b able to. They hav groups that u attend every day, as well as opportunity for exercise and interest classes like u said.

Hows the car hunting going? Do u work full time or part time? What do u do? (Only answer those questions if ur happy to and not identifying)

Nice to know im not alone in struggling to fill in the day sometimes. It rly is a struggle. Especially when ur feeling like crap. I dont know about u but i cant sleep otherwise i wld happily hav an afternoon nap to pass some time.

I dont hav a lot in the way of hobbies. I took up knitting when this first hapnd - pretty hopeless at it, can only knit scarves, but it fills in time. Cant say i rly enjoy it, just a time filler really. Iv just borrowed one of those mindfulness colouring in books from my mum to see if thats something that brings me any benefit in the way of calming my mind. I take my dog down the park for runs but dont get nearly as much enjoyment out of that as i used to. Dont get enjoyment out of nething these days. Pretty depressing rly. Im also supposed to b doing exercises that the exercise physiologist at the hospital gave me but havnt bn too good with that. Only done it once in 2 weeks. Gotta see her on tuesday and confess my slackness!!

So thats about it for me. What about u @outlander , what sorts of things do u do when the day is looming large and u r struggling for things to do.

By the way, i like to know if who im talking with is male or female, if u dont mind. And if iv asked u before im sorry, iv got a memory like a sieve at the moment.

Im female in case u wanted to know.

Take care outlander

Hi @Doglover

it sounds like you need a good GP which I know isn’t easy to find. Are you able to look for one in another suburb not too far from you? Any recommendations from someone you know would be good. The knitting sounds like a good idea. You can try knitting while listening to calming music you like or an interesting podcast. I use YouTube to listen to a sleep mindfulness meditation each night. I find it relaxes me for a restful nights sleep & I wake up feeling ok. You could maybe try out a mindfulness meditation during the day. There are so many available on YouTube and for a variety of things, like: anxiety, depression, for sleep, obsessive thoughts, etc. I highly recommend you try them out.

I hope your search for a good doctor happens soon. Thinking of you, good luck with it.

Hi @BryanaCamp ,

I hope the 1st day on the new job went well. I hav bn thinking of u today.

Hoping u got my other reply ystrday too, no problems that u havnt replied, totally get that uv had ur mind on other things!. Just wanted to make sure u got it thats all.

I imagine ur first day will hav been rather draining and tiring - i hope ur doing ok and not too worn out. Thinking of u.

Hugs xx