To hospital or not to hospital

Hi @Doglover

im so sorry for you feeling so anxious and to go to hospital. Remember that makes your symptoms of anxiety tougher to deal with too. I am on several anti anxiety meds and yes some of them I’m addicted to. I’ve never been addicted to drugs either, but I have learnt that these are not drugs they are meds to help me be stable. I have for long felt the way you have, but I accept now that I need them and that I will go off them when the time comes. It’s not you or me who can’t be dealing with our anxiety, it’s our body reacting and our brains overthink and catastrophise. It’s ok. We need help. We are brave and ask for help. We get medication. We go to therapy. We go to hospital. I was on a long acting anxiety medication for years and needed to go off it in hospital too. It’s really hard, because all the physical symptoms come back so strong, but I’m so glad I was in there, as the nurses were able to help me understand what was happening and the doctors were there to make sure I was physically coping. For me it lightened the anxiety about the physical withdrawal. For anxiety there are so many good psychological programs and I hope you find a group in hospital and I hope you have found a psychologist to work with. Medication on its own for me, wouldn’t work and I was told medication always has to be in conjunction with therapy. Do you have a therapist?

ill try to look at your other thread another time. I have IBS and have gone through so much to try make it better, but it’s from my anxiety. I don’t know what impact medication has, and I try to stay well clear of dr google. Things confuse me too easily and nowadays I’m at the point where I just trust my care team. Whether it’s a physical, medication or therapy decision I discuss it with my care team, not with dr google (not sure if you use dr google, I just thought I put it out there) and make an informed decision.

Im glad you have the private health insurance now and I hope you can hang on until you can go to a private clinic.

Take care

hi @Doglover you're so welcome & I'm glad I can be of some help. I can't claim catasrophising & black & white thinking myself, a psychologist taught me those. Maybe you would find a psychologist helpful and they could teach you some strategies to manage your anxiety, there are lots of options. Are you organising a psychologist for yourself?

How's things with hubby? I think you mentioned he's looking for work? That would make things very difficult for him and for the two of you. Male pride is such a delicate thing that I've never understood and I think many men (though I don't like to generalise) have their self-esteem so tied up with employment, they really struggle when not working. If he's anything like my ex-boyfriend (and he may be totally different in character) he'll need a lot of encouragement and building up from you as the nurturer in his life. He also may be stressed trying to give you emotional support - I'm just guessing there & may be wrong but my brother recently had a psychosis and I found emotionally supporting him thru that exhausting & stressful (it actually triggered my psychotic symptoms). He may be doing his best to support you but not really know how. I thought of you on the weekend when I emailed my sister all about how my new job was going, I said how I was concerned I may not come across as normal due to my MI, that my meds seem to be working better, how my pdoc advised me and so on. Out of all the details I gave her, all she understood was being tired! That;s the only part of my state she could grasp as that's something she has experienced, she jus totally ignored all the info about my MI. I had to laugh, she's doing her best & that's all she can manage (although I will never get it).

I am a little bit concerned for you about having a Plan B. Is it possible you're putting all your eggs in one basket with your hospital plan? I say this only out of care for you and to support your best health so I hope it doesn't upset or offend you. I had to have a Plan B, C, D...etc. so even if your don't use it, it could be good to have alternative strategies for anxiety management lined up. Have you got a psychologist?

Hope you're ok & your doggy is well, thinking of you today You're doing a great job under very difficult circumstances & we're here supporting you xx

Hi @Doglover ,

My hospital stay was ok. I definitely needed it and I came out a lot better than when I went in. I didn't get any kind of follow up support or care which you may need. It would of been nice to have a bit more support after coming out. I have a psychologist through work which I organised myself. I was probably kept in longer than I wanted to be. Once I got to a point, I wanted to be outside as some of the people in there were in bad shape and I thought the level of care provided was having a negative impact on Me.

My time was probably made harder as my 'leave' was cancelled as I broke/forgot one of the rules that was imposed on Me. I didn't have any leave or 'time out' the first week which was hard. It's understandable you are scared about everything that is coming up. You are coping very well in my opinion.

Hope you are doing alright and had a nice weekend to.

Take care

Hi @Former-Member ,

Thanks again for ur post and for being so willing to share. Yes my fear of hospitals and fear of not getting better and what im going to hav to go thru to get off these medications is not helping my anxiety one bit! So r u on short term anxiety meds and addicted to them? Coz they want me off the short term meds asap. It was torture when i tried several times so thats why they want to put me in hospital. But do they giv u anything to alleviate the torture when ur in hospital, or do they just let u go thru the agony? Im rly hoping not! It sounds like in ur case u just had to go thru the torture of it. Im not sure that i cld knowing how bad it was each time i tried. Its funny (sort of), ur on several anxiety meds and they cant even find 1 to suit me, other than the short termers. Im seeing pdoc on wednesday, i think hes going to try me on another medication and see how i go, not sure which one, hes got 2 possibilities in mind.

Thanks for the encouraging way u hav of looking at things. I do somehow feel defective and like its my fault that im like this. Its cruel rly, i wldnt treat someone else going thru the same struggles i am the way i treat myself. You hav a very balanced way of looking at things. I cld do with looking at things more the way u do. Im going to try. And ur right, my brain totally overthinks and catastrophises! Its the worst!

Yes my pdoc is very strong on all the other supports outside of medication. I hav an OT that i see generally once a week or sonetimes fortnight. Her job is to provide me with skills like mindfulness and stuff. I also go to group therapy. I only just started going to a psychologist - had 3 sessions but rly wasnt very happy with him - he was very wishy washy. He was recommended to me by a family member but i just dont think he was the right one for me. Another lady was recommended to me by a friend so i contacted her today and have booked in with her. 1st avail apptmnt not for 3 weeks so am hoping for a cancellation.

If i go into one of the private hospitals, they generally hav therapy groups running for most of the day so thats rly good. I believe u work with ur psychiatrist to determine the best group/s for u to attend.

I cant say im at the place where i trust my care team like u do, i wish i did, but i agree with u re dr google. Previously, for many months, i wld spend hours and hours googling all sorts of stuff. I cant say i dont do it at all now, but only occasionally. I used to do it prolifically and ur right, it rly doesnt help and usually just confuses matters!

I rly hope i can hang on to go to private clinic too! Im not looking forward to it either way, but the private clinic has lots more programs during the day that i think wld b beneficial.

You sound like ur in a rly good place in regard to ur attitude to ur MI. Good on u. Im sure it hasnt bn an easy road getting there. But now u r able to help.ppl like me and i rly appreciate it. All ur thoughts, sharing, advice has bn rly helpful. I rly appreciate ur insights. Thank u for taking the time.

Best wishes to u @Former-Member .

Doglover

Hi @Doglover

happy to help you and please ask questions along the way and let me know how you go. I like helping people, but stay away from triggering posts, there are many for me, so I don't read much on the forum - I saw your comment in the Friday Feast thing and had a look at your post.

I don't know if it helps you, but for me changing my language is helpful for working on my self-stigma - it took me years to confront my self-stigma, and I am still in the process. I don't say loony bin (mental health clinic) anymore. I don't call myself crazy (mental illness that is being treated)... Drugs are medication. Short term medication can cause tolerance, therefore increase in meds required or tapering off, which causes withdrawal symptoms. Like I said before, we are not drug addicts. People who test blood sugar and inject insulin, are not drug addicts. I'm pretty sure they can't live without their meds too.

In hospital they did help me with other meds to go off the short term anxiety meds, but I had a complete meds change, so I was going off more than one. Even after the meds change I still am on short term anxiety meds. I've changed meds a few times, antidepressants (they're supposed to help with anxiety), antipsychotics, sleep medication (also addictive, but I don't take them every night), blood pressure medication, mood stabilisers. Everyone is different and I don't think there is one psychiatrist out there who wouldn't wish for a conclusive test, like blood test, to tell them what meds we need individually, instead of putting us through the process of finding the right medical combination.

I'm glad you have an OT and keep looking for a psychologist you like. Another frustrating process for me, but it was worth it.

Take care

Hi @BryanaCamp , thank u so much again for ur encouraging post.

How is work going? And how r u coping with it? How many hours r u working? Iv bn thinking of u.

Yes my OT taught me about catastrophisong and black n white thinking too - but somehow the way u put it rly brought it home. I started seeing a psychologist under the mhcp, went to him for 3 sessions and even tho he came highly recommended i just didnt feel like he suited me. I hav decided to change and yesterday made an apptmnt with a different psychologist, but 3 weeks wait for 1st apptment - am on cancellation list tho.

Hubby is ok. He seems to hav bn a bit better with me over the last few days so it wld b nice to think mayb thrs bn a change there. Im a bit scared of hubby getting a job bcoz im not sure how il cope, but we need the money. Im hoping hel b able to just find a part time job that way he wont b gone all day every day. My hubby has been working in a ministry capacity and iv bn the main breadwinner, but with me only getting 75% of my income, and increased expenses due to need for health insurance, psychologist etc, we need more money coming in. Im hoping he can work part time and continue the ministry work because he has a real calling there, but will just hav to see what hapns. He hasnt actually applied for nething yet, im not pushing him, but did ask him last night where he was at with it all. Hopefully hel start making some calls soon. Wev gotta try n source his cv from somewhr too bcoz our conputer died and it was on there so not sure how we will go about that. If he can get a job thru one of his contacts he may not need a cv which wld b good!

Hubby is definitely finding it stressful trying to support me and rly not knowing how. Hes bn a bit more supportive and compassionate of late, but can also get very annoyed/frustrated/distant and even angry. But hes doing his best.

Im sorry about ur brothers psychotic episode and the impact it had on u. Im sorry about ur sister too - great that u can laugh about it!

No offence taking re having plan B etc, i appreciate ur care. I see my ot regularly, i am in a therapy group, am waiting to see new psychologist, none of these things r rly making an impact tho. Iv mentioned about my concern re ingredients in meds not agreeing with me - thats why i think im not getting better, but of course no ones having a bar of that. It concerns me coming off the short term anxiety meds when the anxiety isnt even under control with them let alone without them. So i dont know what they r going to b able to achieve in hospital. Need a long term anxiety med that works, but im not convinced whr going to find one coz of my concerns re ingredients. Hav gone into more detail about that on another thread so wont here. If there is anything u think im missing in my plan/support network, please feel free to say.

Our pups is good now im pleased to say. Hubby has taken her to our block in the country today - a daddy and doggy day. She will love it. She goes wild down there - so much freedom for her.

Anyway, enough from me. Thanks again for ur encouragement @BryanaCamp . I really hope that u r doing well and that the job is working out rly well for u. Its a huge step and i really admire ur courage.

Thinking of u. Xxx

💜 Doglover

Hi @Gazza75 ,

Thanks for ur post and sharing about ur hospital stay. Im glad it served a good purpose and that u came out better than u were when u went in. Shame about the lack of follow up tho. Do u hav the supports that u need now? Shame that u accidentally broke a rule and got ur leave cancelled! Il b weary of that.

Thanks for ur encouragement @Gazza75 . Not looking forward to withdrawals from short term anxiety meds, pretty scared about that and how bad its going to b. Just hav to hope that the hospital can giv me something to minimise the withdrawal effects. Dont know if they do that or not.

I hope u r doing well and r stable @Gazza75 and able to enjoy life.

Thank u for ur support.

Doglover ☺

Hi @Doglover , I could do with more support to be honest. I guess I'm trying to find some of that here and it helps. My mistake was driving, I had to get my car registered. FYI on that one. I know your worried about the meds, understandable. I am doing well, been stable for 13 months or so now. Thanks for asking. I enjoy life as much as I can, my main problem is the ammount of weight I've gained. Compared to others, its not much to worry about in the grand scheme of things.

Are you coping a little better lately? you seem to be, but, its hard to tell. Fingers crossed.

Your welcome for support, think nothing of it. Have a good day and take care.

hi @Doglover you're doing awesome, it really is a difficult wait for you at the moment with symptoms distressing you constantly and the unknown hanging over you regarding what may happen in hospital. I would be scared too. I'd be unable to think of anything else. But I'm confident that things can improve for you and that there is a treatment that will help with your symptoms.

I agree it's important to keep looking for the right psychologist & to discontinue with one if it doesn't feel right. Good on you. It's such an intimate & full-on relationship you want someone you really feel comfy with & admire/respect & have confidence in. I'm really glad you're looking after yourself & trying a new lady. Well done. Fingers crossed there'll be a cancellation & you can see her soon as you don't need more waiting. I'm glad you've got an OT & support group to help out. I know it feels alienating & frustrating & unfair when no-one on your support group seems to share your experience or understand your suffering. I always felt like I was the most traumatised & unwell person in the room and that no-one had symptoms like me. It's hard but I kept going & gave me something to do, it served its purpose for that time. Those supports may be more useful to you when your anxiety improves & it's great you've got them in place now.

I'm glad hubby has been a bit more compassionate & supportive towards you, just a little bit of understanding goes a long way in my experience. You're both doing really well in unexpected & challenging circumstances. It does make sense for your hubby to get a bit of work to help financially & I think it's well worth it to get private health insurance. That's a bummer about is CV, technology can be so cruel!

Work is good thanks. I've got my 8th consecutive day of training today so am feeling a bit of information overload! Today is my last day of training, thank goodness, then I'll begin trial shifts which I'm looking forward to. Hopefully I'll remember all my training & be able to serve customers not too slowly! The staff are all really supportive & understanding so that's great, thanks for asking.

I'm glad your doggy is well, a romp in the country sounds like doggy heaven! Hope she gives good cuddles too. Take care of yourself today hon, I'll be thinking of you & sending you good vibes. you're doing awesome xx

Hi again @Former-Member , thanks again for ur helpful post and ur willingness for me to ask u questions as needed, much appreciated! It must be hard staying away from triggering posts if there are lots of them for u.

What u wrote about changing our language around mental illness is rly good and very helpful. Self stigma is a big thing and i often use some of those words and phrases about myself and my situation that only serves to reaffirm that self stigma. I have taken on board what u wrote about that and will change the way i refer to these things.

Im scared at how torturous its going to b to get of these meds. Was it rly hard? Torturous? The meds they gave u to help, did they help a lot or just a little? How long were u going thru that process for? Were u better by the time u came out?

So u r still on short term anxiety meds now? I wish they wld let me stay on mine but thr is a definite plan to get me off. I wldnt hav thought they wld keep u on those meds. Still i guess if they r needed and nothing else is doing the trick thrs not much they can do. R u on them daily or as needed?

Im currently on an AP as a sedative, 2 short term anxiety meds and last night they started me on a med thats being used off label but is supposed to be good for anxiety and supposedly has a similar action to the short term anxiety meds wre talking about but without the addictive properties. The problem is that i am super sensitive to medications (and i believe the inactive ingredients in the medications) so i react to most meds theyv tried. Too soon to tell with the new one. I had a dna test done by request of my pdoc - it tests how ur body processes psychotropic drugs and provides info as to which ones ur body processes normally and which it doesnt, using a traffic light system. The problem is, of all the drugs they tested, only 1 returned green light, all the rest were red or orange. The one that returned green they had alrdy tried and it didnnt agree with me (tho i suspect that was bcoz of the other ingredients, not the drug itself), so im left in a position where we hav very little options. Its a bit scary rly coz i just dont know how thr going to get me better.

Did u find it difficult finding a psychologist u were happy with? I hav decided not to continue with the one i was seeing - just not comfortable with him. I am starting with a new lady with first apptment today. I guess it will b mostly info gathering today.

I hope u are doing well and stable @Former-Member . I rly appreciate all the time u hav taken to converse with me and help me. Thank u and take care of u.

Doglover 🐶