To hospital or not to hospital

Hi @Gazza75 , im glad u had a nice bday celebration on sunday.

Thank u for ur encouragement and suggestions. I so hope i can hold out to go into private hospital too. Not that im looking forward to it mind u, im petrified of what its going to be like, but dont hav a choice, iv gotta get off these meds. Thr not working like they did before anyway, hav bad anxiety all the time now even with the meds.

Mum loaned me her book, pens and pencils so im all kitted out for the mindfulness colouring in. Havnt done any yet but good to know its there.

Re aromatherapy, im super sensitive to that sort of thing so tend to steer clear, but will try weighted vest/blanket if they hav one in the hospital. My OT has mentioned it to me.

How is everything ur end @Gazza75 . I hope u r doing ok, or better than ok.

Take good care of urself.

Hi @DGoldman , thanks for checking in on me. Yeah its tough going this holding out business, every day is an immense struggle, still got a month to go! Dont know if il make it or not but am trying. Every day is pretty much torture, its just the degree of torture that sometimes varies, a little.

I am trying to take it one day at a time but not doing a very good job of it. My mind does a lot of 'predicting the future' and catastrophizing (2 unhealthy thinking styles), basically thinking the worst case scenario is totally going to happen. I find those thinking patterns rly hard to get out of, for a range of reasons.

I dont use aromatherapy, i am very sensitive to stuff like that. Dont do guided meditations either, but do do the 'mindfulness of the breath' skill that my OT taught me. Not sure how much it helps coz im on meds for sleep so thats probs whats getting me to sleep more than nething else. Do u take meds for sleep or try n rely on more natural means? I dont hav a choice at the mo, wldnt sleep without them!

Im sorry u hav the same thoughts as me re future, its not nice is it? I wish i cld offer some grt advice but i struggle with it so much myself. I guess we both just gotta hang in there and do our best to take one day at a time.

Thanks again for touching base @DGoldman . I wish u all the very best and warmest of wishes.

hi @Doglover thanks for your words of encouragement, it helps me feel strong, you're a very kind & understanding person. And thank you for thinking of me when you are dealing with so much within yourself.

I'm single so don't know much about marriages but I hear you on feeling lonely with your concerns. It is so hard to resolve a conflict when the other person just shuts it down, it's like hitting a massive brick wall. It's also hard not being able to talk openly about my mental health, my family just don't understand and isn't really interested. But please know you're not alone in your struggles, we're here for you hon. I won't be here today but wll be thinking of you & sending you good vibes. I'll be around more on the weekend.

It may be that your concerns about your marriage are being distorted through the lens of anxiety and depression. I hear you that you have concerns about your marriage and those concerns are real but they may be amplified at the moment by anxiety and maybe even depression - they make things seem catastrophic and black or white (either all bad or all good) and all the nuances & subtlties and all the goods & positives vanish. At least that's my experience. There are lots of strengths to your marriage and I'm sure your husband loves very much you as your an awesome person.

I'm sure there is something out there for you that will provide symptom relief. It took me about 10 years of trial and error to find the right thing (a psychiatrist) but I think it will be much quicker for you as you don't have psychotic symptoms (they really mess with participating in reality, including MI treatments!), have family supports, have a long history of being mentally well (so your body knows how to do that) & don't abuse alcohol like I used to.

Are you able to do some internet research on anxiety all kinds of treatments? Or is it too hard to concentrate right now?

Sitting with you today hon

Hi @Doglover , the hospital will have good and bad like most things in life. I don't think it's going to be as bad as your imaginiation is making it out to be. If you can eek out these last few weeks and go private it will be easier I think. I've only had the public experience so I'm no expert. I know its going to be tough on you and your husband.

I've found myself thinking about my experiences and I hadn't really considered that I had anxiety, but, it was definitely there. I just buried it under manic thoughts and psychotic behaviour. After meds, the main way I dealt with my anxiety was through colouring in, it really does take a lot of time once you get started. I find the blanket really works. I'm not sure why, but, it does.

Everything is going alright for Me. Looking forward to a break from work. I should be catching up with my brother which will be nice. I spoke to him last night, but, haven't seen him in a few weeks. Might see the nephews to 🙂

Take care

Hi @Doglover

i can understand how frightening it is. I was petrified of going to hospital the first time. My psychiatrist eventually arranged to show me around the hospital so I would see what it’s like. I had vivid pictures of closed sections in the 90s - and they looked very similar to ‘one flew over the coockoo nest. Then it took me another few weeks before I eventually had a mental breakdown and was admitted. I was very ill and have lost most of the memories from that initial stay, but I wasn’t drugged up or uncomfortable, they made me feel safe and cared for. I was there for 5 weeks. I have been back many times since, when I get unstable there is a point when my psych tells me, my insight is gone and recommends to go back to hospital. It’s about trust and being brave especially the first time, to seek help, to get better. There are also after care programs from vinnies, lifeline or other organisations to help you get back on your feet after hospital.

I cant answer your question whether to go or not, but I can tell you that I will go when I struggle to keep myself safe or when I have a mental breakdown.

good luck x

Hello lovely Bryana, thank u so much for ur very kind post. I could say all of those same things about u.

There was a lot of wisdom in ur post.

It is very hard when the people that rly should be supporting u just shut down as u say, and u cant share ur struggles and cant look to them for compassion and support. Altho ur not married, u know exactly what its like. It can be heartbreaking at times. I long for compassion and understanding from my husband but apart from occasional.glimpses, its just not there. And he doesnt want to understand. Hes doing the old head in the sand thing, so im left feelimg alone even tho im married. Its a tough place to be, as it must b for u not getting the support from ur family.

I do think ur spot on tho about my thoughts to do with my marriage. Yes the issues are real, but ur bang on the money that im also seeing it thru the lens of anxiety and depression. And the catastrophic thinking - oh my gosh thats a bad one for me. Not just about my marriage but about everything. I totally agree with u about the black and white thinking - all good or all bad (in my case all bad of course). U r so right! I cant believe how well.u have described exactly what i do and how im thinking and feeling. Im going to keep the notification of ur post in my emails so i can refer back to it bcoz u rly hav hit the nail on the head. My husband does love me very much but i need to realise that he just does not hav the skills to b able to b there for me in the way i would like him to be. It wld b nice if he was willing to acquire those skills but that is not the case st this point in time. I need to make sure i hav other supports around me that do know how to show compassion and understanding, and not put demands on him that hes simply not capable of fulfillimg. Thats just going to cause more problems.

I do hope they find the right help for me soon. They r talking about putting me in hospital as (iv probs alrdy mentioned this) iv bn on short term anti anxiety meds for a long time bcoz they hav not bn able to find nething that works so now im addicted to them. I am absolutely dreading it as i hav tried coming off them several times just at home and its bn absolute torture, they hav had to get me to go back to my previous dose. But mayb doing it in hospital they may also b able to sort my medications out so there is something that can help me long term bcoz im still struggling evety day even with the short term anxiety meds, and while depression wasnt a problem at the start, it is now. So i think they just need to hav a rly good look at everything and try n sort something out that is better than the current scenario. I hate being so depressed and not being able to find joy and fun in anything when i used to be such a happy, fun loving, spontaneous person. My husband loved that in me and i know he misses it very much as i do.

Anyway, i must stop rabbiting on as it will b too much for u to reply to!

I hope u hav a restful weekend and are able to recoup from what has rly been a very momentous week in ur life!

Thank u for ur love and understanding, your support, and the incredible wisdom u showed in this post.

Thank you @BryanaCamp .

Love and hugs 💖

Hi @Gazza75 ,

Sorry to take so long to reply.

I hope ur right re hospital. I am rly scared of both being in the hospital and getting off these meds and how bad its going to be - hopefully it wont b as bad as i think.

You may hav alrdy answered this but when u went to hospital was it ok? Did it do for u what u needed it to do? Were u better off for it when u came out? Sorry if uv alrdy answered these questions - iv got a head like a sieve at the moment.

Thanks for the tip re colouring in.

Im glad everything is going alright for u Gazza. Hope u hav a lovely weekend seeing ur brother and nephews, that should b really nice. Enjoy.

Hi @Former-Member , i missed ur post ystrday somewhow so im glad i stumbled across it today. I really appreciate the time u hav taken to share ur experience. Hav ur hospital stays been public or private. Was boredom a problem for u? I hav seen around the hospital i wld potentially b going into and it freaks me out even more! But it sounds like u wld say that ur hospital stays hav bn needful and beneficial and accomplished things that may not hav bn able to b accomplished on the outside. Its nice that they made u feel safe and cared for - i didnt see any of that at the hospital that went to but didnt end up staying at. Do u mind me asking what u suffer with?

I rly want to do what u said - trust and be brave, to seek help to get better - but im so scared that i wont get better. Wev bn trying things for 8 months and nothings working and im scared that if i go in there and nothing still works that i wont b able to get out again! I know thats probably an irrational fear but just one of the many fears that plagues me.

It shld giv me some confidence knowing that u hav enuf confidence in the system that u wldnt hesitate to go in again if u felt things were out of whack.

Anyway, Thanks again for posting @Former-Member . I rly appreciate u sharing and helping me thru this difficult time and decision.

Thanks again.

And i hope u r well now.

Best wishes

Doglover 💚

Hi @Doglover

I am glad it helped a bit. I have complex PTSD and Bipolar 2. What are you struggling with?

When I first talked to my GP about mental health issues, I thought it would be a quick fix, 6 months max. This is years ago now and depending on your condition, I don't think 8 months is a long time. Don't get me wrong, I have been progressing throughout the past few years, but I am not through therapy yet, nor stable at times.

I have private hospital cover. Do you have private hospital cover? I don't know much about the public sector. If you don't have private cover, look into private hospital only insurances, psychiatric waiting times are about 2 months, so it's a relatively short time until you can access the private system.

Hospital for me is part of the treatment program, and it keeps me safe, when I can't keep myself safe. I learn new skills and have 24/7 support. I also had admissions for meds changes. They won't lock you away forever, it's not a prison sentence. In the private sector you can discharge yourself, unless your psychiatrist has concerns about your safety or the safety of others. I think it is the same in the public system.It's a long process to schedule (keep someone against their will) someone, and there are reviews by independent psychiatrists every other day I think. So it's not like you go there and one person says you won't leave until they say so. You and your rights are protected. You still have rights when you are admitted to a psychiatric hospital or mental health clinic. There are rules you have to follow, but you still have rights.

The hospital you have looked at, did you ask questions about what the daily routine is and how they would help you get better? I know this is very intimidating when you're not well. Do you have a support person? Or write your questions down and ask them when you see your doctor next.

Stay safe

Hi @Former-Member ,

I rly appreciate ur helpful and informative reply.

Im struggling with severe anxiety which doesnt seem to b helped by medications. Its crazy, it just shldnt be this hard to sort out. Becoz they havnt bn able to find nething to help the anxiety, im still on short term anti anxiety meds and hav bn for 8 months and my body is now addicted to them. Its so upsetting, iv never touched drugs in my life before this, and now im addicted. I hav tried gradually weaning off under pdoc's supervision but went through absolute torture, and i only reduced 1 of the 2 meds i was on by 25% and it was just sheer torture. In the end he told me to put it back up and they r going to hav to put me in hospital to get off them. Which i am absolutely petrified of in part bcoz of how torturous it was doing it slowly and they will do it quiker in there, in part bcoz im still not on something other than those meds that controls the anxiety, and everything theyv tried so far iv reacted badly to. So i rly am freaking out tbh.

Im the same as u re how i thought treating the anxiety wld go - i thought it wld just be go on a med, wait for a few weeks to kick in, and things will get back to normal but it has been 8 months of every single day being torture! It just sux and i dont know what to do anymore. I just dont hav any confidence that im going to get better and that scares me so much.

Its good that u hav private hospital cover. I didnt, but took it out 1 month ago when it became apparent that a hospital stay was likely. I still hav another month to wait, and every day is torture. Not that im exactly chaffing at the bit to go into hospital, but basically thats what we r waiting for - my health insurance to kick in.

Im glad hospital has bn such a good support for u at those necessary times, and that its bn a valuable part of ur treatment. I wish i had the same confidence for me. I guess the first admission wld hav bn rly scary, but now u know what to expect, and u know its an esential.part of ur treatment, i guess not so much now. I am petrified of hospitals full stop, but especially mental hospitals. My mum has bn admitted multiple times when i was a teenager/young adult and it affected me badly.

Thanks for ur encouragement re not being locked away forever. I guess i was just thinking, if they cant get me better then how can they let me out. Also scared if they cant get ne better they will kick me back over to the public system. Just so scared of so many things atm, my mind just runs away with me, all the fear thoughts of worst case scenario.

The public hospital i wld b going to if i cldnt wait for private hav very few programs during the day and were unable to answer my questions about how they wld help me get better, or how they cld better support me by me being in hospital rather than an outpatient. So for me i think the best thing is try n hang out til insurance kicks in, but even then im still petrified of going into a hospital and scared that they are not going to b able to help me. Iv got another thread that talks about my food and chemical sensitivities and my fear that its actually ingredienits in the medications that r making me worse ( which of course the med professionals all just think im mad) and that just compounds the fear that they wont b able to get me better.

Any way, iv chewed ur ear off long enough. I rly appreciate ur support and all that u hav shared. I would welcone hearing from u again if u can. I know my post is a long one. Sorry about that!

My very best wishes to u. Take care. And thank u for taking the time to read this long post!