Hey @eth thanks for reaching out to me, I really appreciate it. To be honest I find myself spreading thinly in all sorts of areas. Like I've pushed myself too much. I have to though or I am going to run into all sorts of problems in the long run and be much worse off than I am now.
I find it difficult to be honest with my psychiatrist ever since he threatened to hospitalise me in a State psychiatric hospital (long term like years). I realise now he was only trying to make light of my situation, but I was genuinely frightened and bothered about it, as it came up about a decade ago when it was decided against my will that some time at a State psychiatric hospital might be good for me. When he broached the subject (albiet jokingly) during my last admission, my anxiety went sky high. I've been too heavily traumatised by the public health system in the past and this time it crossed over to the private system, it felt like there was no escape and all the trauma came flooding back to haunt me.
I've discovered though the power of exercise and mental health. Getting those endorphins flowing so to speak... through the exercise physiologist funded by the NDIS. I basically begged for funding and none was allocated for it in 'improved daily living', but with some juggling, I can 'afford' it (I only see my psychologist every 3 weeks anyway and that's the only thing I was spending nearly eight grand on).
I've had small wins of late too so it's not all gloom and doom (my life)... I am seven weeks from the end of my course, and if I stay well enough, I will finish in time for October's graduation ceremony. I actually got a "love you" from my Father (which floored me to the point of tears), I've managed to make some new friends (and keep them so far), I've been challenged (and won) by a previous history of substance abuse (basically I had to help the Mrs write an essay on what used to be my drug of choice and I'll admit I had cravings for it).
For the first day in a long time, I can safely say I don't feel suicidal. That's huge for me!
My psychiatrist is questioning my schizophrenia/schizoffective diagnosis and is considering also borderline personality disorder as well schizophrenia. I didn't think the two could possibly coexist, but it could explain some things. I did catch up with an old friend in hospital last time and she has indeed those two diagnoses. A year ago, my psychiatrist would have vehemently denied BPD and Me, but the fact I brought it up has him thinking. I'd be keen to know yours and others thoughts on the subject?
