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Feeling really flat

QueenieSenior Contributor11 June 2019, 8:05 pm AEST

Feeling really flat

I think the novelty of being released from hospital has passed and now I feel really flat. This is exacerbated probably in the knowledge that I cannot do what I want to do in life. All I wanted was to be a social worker, assisting those who are vulnerable because of mh issues. Reality has hit me and I know, even if I continue to study, I will never work again. My psychiatrist was right, my support worker was right and my wife was right. Feeling pretty crap knowing there’s nothing I can do to get rid of my illness. Usually this knowledge would be enough to push me into depression, but while I have this flat feeling, it’s not depression either.

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In response to: Feeling really flat

QueenieSenior Contributor16 June 2019, 6:57 pm AEST

Re: Feeling really flat

sigh....

I saw something in the news online about some really triggering. Now I feel so anxious I can hardly breathe.

Why does this always happen just when I am starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel?

In response to: Re: Feeling really flat

CheerBearSenior Contributor16 June 2019, 7:06 pm AEST

Re: Feeling really flat

Hugs @Queenie. I'm guessing you might be super sensitive to triggers and stress right now (not saying that what you saw wasn't really triggering).

It sucks when you get hit with it when you're just starting to feel a little better.

Hope it settles down soon.

In response to: Re: Feeling really flat

QueenieSenior Contributor16 June 2019, 8:10 pm AEST

Re: Feeling really flat

Thank you @CheerBear , I can finally breathe again with shaking.

You're probably right, I am super sensitive at the moment, despite being a highly sensitive person anyway. I learned all about HSPs in hospital recently.

In response to: Re: Feeling really flat

CheerBearSenior Contributor16 June 2019, 8:23 pm AEST

Re: Feeling really flat

Good to hear you have been able to calm a bit @Queenie.

I don't know much about HSP (though I'm about to have a read). Was learning about it helpful?

In response to: Feeling really flat

QueenieSenior Contributor27 June 2019, 12:14 pm AEST

Re: Feeling really flat

I feel awful. Because I was in hospital, I failed my final two assignments.

on the verge of giving up.

i have no business trying to succeed in anything... I suck.

In response to: Re: Feeling really flat

CheerBearSenior Contributor27 June 2019, 12:37 pm AEST

Re: Feeling really flat

Oh @Queenie 🙁 That would be a big blow. I'm sorry.

In response to: Re: Feeling really flat

QueenieSenior Contributor27 June 2019, 12:43 pm AEST

Re: Feeling really flat

@outlander thanks for congratulating me on my final assignments, but I don't deserve it. I failed. I have one more chance, but considering the theory of person centred planning is about as clear as mud because I was in the hospital when the class was run, I missed out on vital information. I just feel so low because I've been trying for the last 5 months to get this information out of my teachers/tutors and they are of the opinion it is my fault I missed out on it in the first place (despite having a medical certificate). I have failed my course unless I can get it all correct in the second attempt, but I don't hold out much hope of that happening because given all the text books in the world, I just don't understand what they are talking about because I wasn't there for class discussions.

I'm bawling my eyes out right now and just want to drink to forget (and I'm well aware that alcohol is a depressant, but hey at least it isn't illegal like something else I'd rather do right now).

I hate myself, I hate my illness, I hate my life and all these stupid breakdowns and psychotic episodes.

In response to: Re: Feeling really flat

QueenieSenior Contributor27 June 2019, 12:46 pm AEST

Re: Feeling really flat

It's an enormous blow @CheerBear . I realise now that I will never get anywhere in life because of this god forsaken illness! I may as well give up while I'm not ahead.

In response to: Re: Feeling really flat

CheerBearSenior Contributor27 June 2019, 12:55 pm AEST

Re: Feeling really flat

I'm hearing you @Queenie. Being kind of punished, or at least feeling a bit like that maybe, because you were in hospital would be really hard. Sometimes my mind gets so scrambled up trying to understand how places who teach MH and social work courses can seem to lack understanding and support when it comes to students who experience it 😏 I had huge issues with my uni doing the same kind of thing.

I know right now it feels like you'll never get anywhere and I know that is such a hard place to be in. I also know you've been here before and that things can and do change (you've shown us this heaps). I don't want to minimise or dismiss how you're feeling right now though because right now I get that it might be hard to see or feel that.

With you ❤

In response to: Re: Feeling really flat

QueenieSenior Contributor27 June 2019, 1:39 pm AEST

Re: Feeling really flat

The punishment continues... now the Mrs just wants to go around hurting my feelings all day. I can’t see how someone can say I love you but I hate you in the same breath. I wanted to go out so I don’t have to listen to it, but she’ll throw a fit if I do. So I’m holed up in the bedroom crying yet again. I have nowhere to go even if I did leave for a while. I have no money and no friends anywhere near me.

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