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Self-love and Self-Hatred

OwlunarSenior Contributor30 May 2019, 9:55 am AEST

Self-love and Self-Hatred

@oceangirl @BlueBay @Former-Member @Shaz51 @outlander @Ali11 @Former-Member @Appleblossom @Determined @Razzle @confusedbpd @Zoe7

I have done with the tagging so far so I will stop with this many and I hope others with join

I have been thinking about writing about this subject for some time and I have been encouraged to do so by the moderators but it's easier to think about than actually write but today Oceangirl posted this picture and it has prompted me to start

Everyone needs to read thisSo - here I go with one of my own stories of course

When I was a young teenager I started teaching Sunday School - and the lesson on a particular day was about self-love and I hadn't thought much about it at that age - who would? However I was surprised when my class of very young little girls were horrified at the thought that they needed or even could or should love themselves it has been something I have thought about ever since

I want to leave this open to an honest discussion without anyone feeling threatened in anyway but here's a point to begin

How can we really love other people if we do not or cannot love ourselves? God loves as we are and we do tend to love our children as they are - certainly we all need improvement but we can only start from where we are today

What the statement above says is so vitally important - that we love ourselves for what we are and stop hating ourselves for what we are not.

I know - I know - I know - this is easier said than done

Thanks again @oceangirl - I needed a little prompting

Dec

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In response to: Self-love and Self-Hatred

SkyView7Senior Contributor15 June 2019, 10:42 am AEST

Re: Self-love and Self-Hatred

Hi @Owlunar, @Maggie, @Former-Member, @Shaz51, @BlueBay. I've been in hospital for a few days which is why you haven't seen me contributing to this thread. I'm in recovery now so I can now pursue more interesting things.

I like people-pleasing. I like the rewards of affection and membership you get with people-pleasing, but I'm also strongly independent so it doesn't bother me if I can't please everyone all the time.

The problem I have with my 'voices' is the one of determining their origin. On the one hand they could be contained entirely within myself, where they have a purely chemical nature, in which case I've been in conflict with myself all these years. This seems to be what everyone would prefer to believe because they can then call it a mental illness.

But on the other hand I suspect that I'm naturally telepathic in which case I'm the victim of an elaborate deception where my mother has always been a willing participant in our conflict.

I prefer to believe that I'm naturally telepathic because the alternative disempowers me by forcing me to doubt the validity of my experiences. It also empowers traditional roles such as parental ones where my mother could feel she could abuse me to her heart's content because she could believe that no-one would ever know about it.

I acknowledge that she could have been angry with me for avoiding contact with the family and that her anger had to be externalised somehow, but some acknowledgement of my reception of her feelings would have meant a lot to me.

Glad to see this thread going in some interesting directions.

In response to: Re: Self-love and Self-Hatred

OwlunarSenior Contributor15 June 2019, 11:34 am AEST

Re: Self-love and Self-Hatred

Hi @SkyView7

Welcome home - I am sorry you have been in hospital for whatever reason and glad you are recovering - I did notice you weren't around and I am glad to see you again

Hi again SkyviewPeople pleasing is an interesting subject - I am pleased with the directions the thread is moving too and I thought about things more - including people-pleasing because it is necessary to fit in with other people to be accepted but also we can be ourselves too

I enjoyed being in a choir for many years - I sang what someone else chose and stood where I was required to stand and really enjoyed the interaction but I would not wear the silly ruff around my neck like a tucker inside my cassock - it irritated me and I remember for the duration of my time in that choir I was told to wear it but never did - the men didn't - only the women and children -

We can pick our battles I guess

I can't comment on the origin of your voices - it's possible for them to come from within or be your mother doing this because she didn't think anyone would ever know - but hey - people sometimes do

My grandfather grew 5 to 6 inches from the time he joined the army in 1915 until my grandmother lost the plot - I guess she thought that no one would ever know either - she never heard about the internet - there are tall men in my family but they come from my father's side - I have been giggling privately to myself about that ever since I found out

But from what you are writing it seems your mother abused you and if you are still hearing this after she died I guess it went very deep - telepathy or not - and that is sad to hear. You seem to be at peace with things but I guess you still struggle

But what you write about people-pleasing is true - we do find a place by doing it but we can still have our own thoughts - we can't please all of the people all of the time - personal pleasing has a role to play in our lives too - an important part

Dec

In response to: Re: Self-love and Self-Hatred

SkyView7Senior Contributor15 June 2019, 12:17 pm AEST

Re: Self-love and Self-Hatred

@Owlunar I would be a very happy person if people could accommodate the possibility of telepathic relations, but I expect that it would introduce other problems such as the threat to personal privacy so I also expect that it will never happen.

But what appeals to me most about telepathy is the possibility of developing a rapport with those outside the human family, with animals and creatures of all kinds, where humanity is a sentiment shared between beings who accept each other as equals. Sharing a common bond with the creatures I encounter, with spiders and flies and the birds in the garden, is what I love most about being a telepath and is what makes my lifelong solitude possible and tolerable.😊

In response to: Re: Self-love and Self-Hatred

OwlunarSenior Contributor15 June 2019, 1:02 pm AEST

Re: Self-love and Self-Hatred

@SkyView7 wrote:

bond with the creatures I encounter, with spiders and flies and the birds in the garden, is what I love most about being a telepath and is what makes my lifelong solitude possible and tolerable.😊

Hi @SkyView7

I think it's wonderful that your lifelong solitude has made possible and tolerable because you are a telepath - it's probably true that people would be uncomfortable about having their thoughts read by someone else but not animals

I had a beautiful cat for 15 years - she passed last November and I still miss her - I was totally convinced I knew what she was thinking and she knew what I was thinking. I live alone too and I could tell her anything and everything

We can always commune with the animals - they have a lot to share with us

Dec

In response to: Self-love and Self-Hatred

Shaz51Senior Contributor15 June 2019, 4:03 pm AEST

Re: Self-love and Self-Hatred

People can have an injection during puberty for rubella---- yes they did it a high school @Owlunar when we all turned 13 -- But not me as they said i was immuned to rubella

I think too is because I have been through so many operations and I have developed a lots of things through my life , it is like "what`s next", ohh well

but through my mum`s encouragement and pushing I have done soo much in my life

In response to: Re: Self-love and Self-Hatred

OwlunarSenior Contributor15 June 2019, 4:22 pm AEST

Re: Self-love and Self-Hatred

Yes - you have @Shaz51

I think you had your own business before you got married

Your Mum sounds absolutely fantastic -

Dec

In response to: Re: Self-love and Self-Hatred

Shaz51Senior Contributor15 June 2019, 4:27 pm AEST

Re: Self-love and Self-Hatred

had your own business before you got married and another business after marriage @Owlunar

my mind is going through all the things I have done , wow , not going to write them all done because I can hear my mum saying " now don`t make your head swell "