Connect with people who understand what you are going through, seek advice and surround yourself with support. We're free, anonymous, and professionally moderated 24/7.

47,612Members
1,358,869Posts
1,400,000Visitors

I don’t know what to call this

Unknown userMember26 May 2019, 1:31 pm AEST

I don’t know what to call this

Hi,

I don’t know what to call this post as it’s MH related but also about gender identity (which is NOT a mental illness).

im feeling very low and alone. Yeah I have complex MH issues, trying to work though complex trauma. But I’ve also started questioning my gender identity. I’m married with kids and grandkids and in a conservative or rather homophobic, racist... community.

Ive lost people, my job etc when I became ill and I am confused about my gender identity but also so so scared to lose who I have left. I don’t think the people who supported me so far, will stay, and that makes me feel hopeless.

Ive always tried to show the strong face and hide my past. I don’t know if I should keep the facade up and deny the questions I have about my gender identity, I feel crushed when I think about it. I am so confused now and sick to be myself, I want to erase myself.

i would just like to know if there’s anybody else out there if feel so incredibly alone.

39 replies

21 - 30 of 39

1 2 3 4

In response to: I don’t know what to call this

Unknown userMember01 June 2019, 7:42 pm AEST

Re: I don’t know what to call this

Hi @Teej @MDT @Ali11 @BryanaCamp @Gazza75

How are you all?

Im feeling a bit more settled because I was actually able to work on a task today and finish it, which is a huge thing for me. I always feel and see that I’m running behind in everything and it seems a never ending story. I wonder how did I manage everything when I was working and doing a million other things...

In response to: Re: I don’t know what to call this

MDTSenior Contributor01 June 2019, 7:55 pm AEST

Re: I don’t know what to call this

Small things count @Former-Member
They also build our sense of achievement and that helps us realise we can do things. Good on you my friend 🙂

In response to: Re: I don’t know what to call this

Ali11Senior Contributor01 June 2019, 8:17 pm AEST

Re: I don’t know what to call this

Doing good @Former-Member, thanks. Very much relate to what you said about feeling like you're running behind in everything. For some of us who are people pleasers and say yes to everything, the list can get daunting really quickly. Accomplishing things often gives us motivation to accomplish more. Every small win is a win, no matter what that may be, so feeling happy for you finishing that task today

In response to: Re: I don’t know what to call this

BryanaCampSenior Contributor02 June 2019, 9:37 am AEST

Re: I don’t know what to call this

well done on your accomplishment @Former-Member .

I feel good if I manage to do a load of dishes or wash my hair, it's an accomplishment.

Hope you're travelling ok this weekend?

In response to: Re: I don’t know what to call this

Gazza75Senior Contributor03 June 2019, 10:55 am AEST

Re: I don’t know what to call this

Hi @Former-Member , I'm doing pretty well thanks. A fairly nice and relaxing weekend. I never seem to get much done between working 9-5 full time, which is a bit frustrating. I'm glad you have been a bit more settled. I can relate to feeling like everything is behind schedule or where I'd like it to be.

In response to: Re: I don’t know what to call this

Unknown userMember03 June 2019, 3:39 pm AEST

Re: I don’t know what to call this

Sometimes I just can’t see the way forward.

In response to: Re: I don’t know what to call this

Unknown userMember05 June 2019, 8:43 pm AEST

Re: I don’t know what to call this

hello, how are you all?

i’ve hit rock bottom so many times that I don’t know if I ever actually did. Today was one of those days. I don’t know why I stay alive. I tried talking but feel it doesn’t matter. Today I’ve read on the internet something about chronic suicidal thoughts, what I understand it’s a feeling, like when I feel extremely overwhelmed = suicidal thoughts? So if I don’t act on a thought, I’ll be fine. What if I plan on a thought - it’s still just a thought, so I’m fine.

Somehow it did make sense to me as I do feel suicidal when very overwhelmed, but it also scares me?

I don’t know. A thoughts just a thought.

In response to: Re: I don’t know what to call this

Unknown userMember05 June 2019, 8:54 pm AEST

Re: I don’t know what to call this

Always forget tagging

@Gazza75

@BryanaCamp

@Ali11

@MDT

@Teej

@Shaz51

In response to: Re: I don’t know what to call this

MDTSenior Contributor05 June 2019, 8:58 pm AEST

Re: I don’t know what to call this

A thought is a thought @Former-Member

I find I get similar thoughts when I am over whelmed.
But always remind yourself that there is help when you need it. The internet is filled with crap these days

In response to: Re: I don’t know what to call this

TeejSenior Contributor05 June 2019, 9:04 pm AEST

Re: I don’t know what to call this

I think I’m the same with hitting rock bottom way more than once @Former-Member . There have been many points of what felt like the very bottom. I experience the same extremely overwhelmed = si. I’m not so good with the plan on a thought though. I then want the plan not the thought. I’m doing better with the overwhelm just lately. There have been many moments of the extremely overwhelmed = suicidal thoughts but the urge to act on them is less than the urge to work through it if that makes sense. It has taken a very long time to get to this point.

I think in its its essence a thought is just a thought, we just have to know the limits of knowing that it’s a thought 💜🤗

i hope you are doing ok.

21 - 30 of 39

1 2 3 4