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I don’t know what to call this

Unknown userMember26 May 2019, 1:31 pm AEST

I don’t know what to call this

Hi,

I don’t know what to call this post as it’s MH related but also about gender identity (which is NOT a mental illness).

im feeling very low and alone. Yeah I have complex MH issues, trying to work though complex trauma. But I’ve also started questioning my gender identity. I’m married with kids and grandkids and in a conservative or rather homophobic, racist... community.

Ive lost people, my job etc when I became ill and I am confused about my gender identity but also so so scared to lose who I have left. I don’t think the people who supported me so far, will stay, and that makes me feel hopeless.

Ive always tried to show the strong face and hide my past. I don’t know if I should keep the facade up and deny the questions I have about my gender identity, I feel crushed when I think about it. I am so confused now and sick to be myself, I want to erase myself.

i would just like to know if there’s anybody else out there if feel so incredibly alone.

39 replies

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In response to: I don’t know what to call this

MDTSenior Contributor27 May 2019, 7:56 pm AEST

Re: I don’t know what to call this

Good on you @Former-Member
I'm glad you are a bit better today. I'm not too bad thanks. Just been staying warm lately. It's getting cold.
Went to gym today too

In response to: Re: I don’t know what to call this

Unknown userMember28 May 2019, 6:54 am AEST

Re: I don’t know what to call this

Hello @MDT @Ali11 @Teej

staying warm is definitely getting more and more difficult.

I'm feeling pretty spaced out this morning, but have to get out of the house.

Take care x

In response to: Re: I don’t know what to call this

BryanaCampSenior Contributor28 May 2019, 11:21 am AEST

Re: I don’t know what to call this

hi @Former-Member I'm glad you're feeling a bit better since you started the thread.

I was a bit shy to reply as I don't have experience in gender identity but just wanted to offer my general support with your struggles. I do have complex and debilitating mental health issues and a complex trauma background. I know how difficult and debilitating these factors alone can be, sometimes it's been a matter of dealing with constant symptoms and getting by day by day, sometimes it's felt like constantly being in crisis. I know that can take up a lot of therapy time and not leave any room to discuss deeper issues. I hope you like & trust your therapist, that can be hard to find.

It sounds like you have a loving family, with a partner, kids & grandkids. I'm sure they all love you regardless of your identity fluidity as love is constant. The only kind of identity change I've undergone is three career changes, and as a lot of society defines you by your job it was quite an upheaval each time in the way people perceived me. A lot of people wanted to know, "why, why why?" and that stressed me as I never felt like giving answers becuase i'd have to dig too deep into pain to explain my choices to change. But my family, especially my aunts, always stuck by me and didn't need any questions or answers. They always accepted me & cared for me in a constant way, they always saw me as their beloved neice not this or that vocation, as I changed careers.

It's easy to doubt people's loyalty when we're mentally unwell. I read a lot into people's reactions to me & often worry I'm not accepted or liked becasue my mother always told me, "people won't ever like you they just spend time with you to get what they want out of you". But that is just baggage from the past and mental illness paranoia when it crops up these days in my relationships.

I hope you will feel more secure in your supports with time.

Are there any local services or groups for gender identity that may help you?

In response to: Re: I don’t know what to call this

Ali11Senior Contributor28 May 2019, 7:22 pm AEST

Re: I don’t know what to call this

Beautiful post @BryanaCamp Glad you're feeling better as well @Former-Member, it has become cold quite quickly, hasn't it?

In response to: Re: I don’t know what to call this

Unknown userMember28 May 2019, 7:25 pm AEST

Re: I don’t know what to call this

@BryanaCamp @Ali11

I'm feeling too unwell tonight to write. I will write back another day. Sorry.

In response to: Re: I don’t know what to call this

Ali11Senior Contributor28 May 2019, 7:32 pm AEST

Re: I don’t know what to call this

No need to be sorry @Former-Member, do what feels right for you and take care of yourself. The forums aren't going anywhere and when you feel up to it you'll always be welcome here. Sending love

In response to: Re: I don’t know what to call this

BryanaCampSenior Contributor29 May 2019, 9:26 am AEST

Re: I don’t know what to call this

Take care of yourself @Former-Member

In response to: Re: I don’t know what to call this

Unknown userMember31 May 2019, 10:23 am AEST

Re: I don’t know what to call this

Hi @Gazza75

how are you?

In response to: Re: I don’t know what to call this

Gazza75Senior Contributor31 May 2019, 10:40 am AEST

Re: I don’t know what to call this

Hi @Former-Member , I'm doing really well thankyou for asking. It's a nice sunny day today and i've managed to sneak out and enjoy a bit of it. I'm at work right now so I don't always get the chance.

How are you?

In response to: Re: I don’t know what to call this

Unknown userMember31 May 2019, 5:29 pm AEST

Re: I don’t know what to call this

Hi @Gazza75

it's great that you got some time outside! I went out for a bit today, which is a step in the right direction. Have a nice weekend.

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