I don’t know what to call this

Hey @Former-Member,

It sounds like today was incredibly tough. I can hear that what you read about chronic suicidal thoughts really resonated with you, and how your overwhelm might take you to suicidal thoughts. It sounds like you're thinking about what this means for you, which is so valuable.

It sounds like you want to discuss this with forum members, but I also wanted to send you an email to check in. Keep an eye on your inbox

Tortoiseshell

Sending love @Former-Member Sorry to hear you're feeling low. Every time we hit rock bottom is a chance to propel ourselves back up. Talking will help, it's in sharing our story that we get to examine it ourselves and sometimes we realise things have more weight in our thoughts than they should. Hope you're feeling better, and tomorrow is a new day.

Hi @Ali11 @Teej @MDT @Gazza75

thanks for your messages last night.

i had a remarkable day, a very unusual unique day. it will either be a turning point in my recovery, or not. Time will tell. I might stay off the forum for a bit because I’m in a peculiar mood and think it will be best.

Take care my friends

Take care @Former-Member, we will be here if you decide to return.

Hello @MDT @Ali11 @Teej @Gazza75

How are you all doing?

when I wrote my last post I had contemplated suicide and had everything ready, but didn’t attempt. I lived in shock and denial for a week or so and have talked to my care team since. My psychiatrist said I dissociated as I have little recollection of the day until I decided not to go ahead. Like I said a very weird day.

im distracting a lot since then and am feeling numb almost every day. I try to do things that are good for me. I’ve had some angry phases. I struggle a lot with flashbacks about the abuse. But mainly I try to distract and deflect. I’m being told I have to accept that it happened to me but it is as if I don’t belong to that person. And I don’t want to feel the feelings. I’m scared all the time. I’m scared to fall into pieces if I stop distracting. It’s tough.

Hi @Former-Member , thanks for letting us know how you are going. It sounds like your batlting through this as best you can. What kind of things have you been doing to distract yourself? Maybe we can help a little there. 🙂

Given what you've been through, I can only imagine how tough it would be. Wish I could be more helpful, but, your not alone and can talk about how you feel. It takes a lot of courage to be so open and honest and you should be proud of yourself for that.

I am living through another day of drudgery at work. I've been contemplating trying to get some down time from work, I feel like I need a week or two off, but, I don't have the holidays left to take them. I could take leave without pay but they make you use all your holidays up first. Feel like I can't win on that front as I'd like to have some holidays up my sleave. I used nearly all my sick and annual leave over the last year due to my mental health issues. I should of taken more time off.

Wishing you well.

Hi @Former-Member, doing okay here. We're glad you didn't attempt, and sending love for how you're feeling at the moment. Glad your care team are there for you as well