Can’t take this hurt anymore

@oceangirl My son and his partner are not married, she is 18 he is 19. They went out for about a year, she broke it off and after a few months they got back together, so about 3 years on and off. She is very controlling, as is her mother and they have all the day at the moment. If my son rocks the boat then they’ll just throw him out and he will never get to see his child, they will make it impossible.

My husband and I have been in marriage counselling for over a year now, two steps forward, 1 step back, sometimes we’re right back where we started. I’m past the point if even giving a shit about my marriage, nothings ever going to change there.

It feels all so overwhelming for you right now @Razzle and that does not surprise me with what you are dealing with. It is really great that you have a session coming up as you really need that extra help to be able to talk out some of what you are going through. It might be good also for you husband to know exctly how much this is all affecting you and hopefully he can get on the same page and support you more - you really need that Hon.

Very happy for you to chat here with me if that helps you get some of it out of your head @Razzle

Thanks @Zoe7 My husband knows exactly how I feel, I’m not totally sure he cares. It took me almost 25 years to finally open my eyes, but being in my corner and being supportive is not something he’s capable of

That is really sad for you @Razzle You expect your partner to be there for you when you are going through so much pain - so sorry that he isn't capable of that

Do you have friends you can talk to about all this Hon?

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Surely, your son could ring when he goes out by himself.

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I agree. This might be a really good option for the communication piece.

I had an expereince where a family member's communcations were being controlled and monitored by their partner. We got fed up with that arrangement very quickly and managed to stop it from continuing. It hasn't fixed the dynamic, but it put a limit on it at least.

@Zoe7 I don’t really have many or any friends. I’m from a small country town, with small country town mentality. I lost my 9yo son in a car accident 13years ago and as a result I also lost all my friends. I wasn’t even in the car, and the accident was caused by the other driver, but I became the social leper - like losing a child could be contagious. It took about 7 or 8 years before people started coming back into my life, but the damage was done, they’re acquaintances not friends.

My family don’t know about my CSA, or marriage troubles and I don’t want them to know. I’m on my own here

Such a challenging situation to be in @Razzle! Sending you love. You've got plenty of support in the forums here when you need it

@Sitting_Quietly We’re trying to change the communication side of things. My son goes to uni but with Easter and Anzac Day he has been stuck at home with them and gets no privacy. Now that he’ll get a few days away during the day we will try contacting him again. It won’t change our situation because the mother and grandmother have complete control of all that

Yeah I get where you are coming from with family not knowing @Razzle My family do not know about my past trauma either and I don't want them to know - not because I am ashamed of it (gone way past that point) but because I know the impavt it would have on them all. It does mean I keep them at arms length though and don't share a lt with them. My sister and I have become closer over the last year or so but still there is that distance where I wont discuss what it actually going on with me.

I have no idea how you got through losing your son - that is extremely hard ...devastating @Razzle I don;t have children but know how hard it was losing one of my fur babies so I can only imagine how much harder it is to lose a child. Then to also lose your friends - those that you thought you could rely on to help you through that must have been traumatic for you also. Sometimes people just don't know how to deal with things so big but you certainly find out who your true friends are when something so monumental happens to you.

I can see why having your son now at such a distance is so hard for you - in a way you feel like you are losing another child - even though he is still with you he is being kept at a distance ...and throw in there not being able to have contact with your grandchild - soooo hard

@Zoe7 I do feel like I have lost this son too, I actually feel like I am grieving him. In a way I have lost him, because after all this mess what we get back won’t be the person we had before.