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Topic Tuesday // Working through feelings of guilt // Tues 23 Apr, 7pm AEDT

Unknown userMember29 Mar 2019, 1:42 pm AEDT

Topic Tuesday // Working through feelings of guilt // Tues 23 Apr, 7pm AEDT

Feeling angry about the injustice of your loved one’s illness, frustrated at the lack of sleep, the accountability of another person's welfare. Perhaps even anger directed at your loved one for becoming unwell in the first place, these are not uncommon feelings when we are managing the ups and downs of life as a carer. In fact they are more common than we realise It's time to reinvent the way we view ourselves as carer's, to discuss the manifestation of carer's guilt in a safe and gentle space.

Join us here on Tuesday April 23rd as our Community Manager @Former-Member facilitate's a discussion around working through guilt as a carer.

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Topic Tuesday runs from 7pm - 9pm AEST monthly. Each month we focus on a different topic, with the session facilitated by a Community Manager or Moderator. Sometimes Topic Tuesday will feature a special guest, who is an expert in the topic.

The first post of the thread (this one) will give you an idea of what the topic is and what will be covered.

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Throughout the session, the facilitator will put questions out for you to answer, usually asking for your own experience on the topic. To contribute to the session, just hit the 'reply' button and share your thoughts. No answers are right or wrong and everyone is welcome to get involved.

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In response to: Topic Tuesday // Working through feelings of guilt // Tues 23 Apr, 7pm AEDT

Unknown userMember23 Apr 2019, 7:55 pm AEST

Re: Topic Tuesday // Working through feelings of guilt // Tues 23 Apr, 7pm AEDT

Couldn't have said it better myself @Shaz51 🙂

In response to: Re: Topic Tuesday // Working through feelings of guilt // Tues 23 Apr, 7pm AEDT

Unknown userMember23 Apr 2019, 7:58 pm AEST

Re: Topic Tuesday // Working through feelings of guilt // Tues 23 Apr, 7pm AEDT

Thanks for your insight so far @Carmello @Shaz51 @au_gust @Allanah

The reality is we are all human, we all have shortcomings, and it is not uncommon our guilt is related to our own expectation of self. Moving onto discussion point 3... Name one strategy that you can implement to offset the notion of guilt.

For me I like to acknowledge the feeling, accept it and sit with it. Then explore the context of it. Was the feeling warranted? Does the reality of the situation align with the heavy feeling I have been feeding? Etc 🙂

In response to: Topic Tuesday // Working through feelings of guilt // Tues 23 Apr, 7pm AEDT

JoSenior Contributor23 Apr 2019, 8:02 pm AEST

Re: Topic Tuesday // Working through feelings of guilt // Tues 23 Apr, 7pm AEDT

If the loved one for whom you care is a son or daughter, as a parent we sometimes blame ourselves and suffer guilt, thinking we should have done certain things differently during their childhood. For example, going out to work and leaving them in the care of babysitters, ignoring early signs of mental instability, not giving them enough attention when going through bad stages ourselves such as post natal depression, marriage breakdown, drinking alcohol, family arguments etc. These are difficult issues to deal with upon reflection but it's very important to go easy on ourselves and accept that examples such as these are all part of 'life' and 'being human'.

In response to: Re: Topic Tuesday // Working through feelings of guilt // Tues 23 Apr, 7pm AEDT

AllanahCasual Contributor23 Apr 2019, 8:02 pm AEST

Re: Topic Tuesday // Working through feelings of guilt // Tues 23 Apr, 7pm AEDT

I usually like to go and talk to someone about how I'm feeling. It creates some distance from just feeling it all on your own. And helps to get another persons perspective

In response to: Re: Topic Tuesday // Working through feelings of guilt // Tues 23 Apr, 7pm AEDT

Shaz51Senior Contributor23 Apr 2019, 8:03 pm AEST

Re: Topic Tuesday // Working through feelings of guilt // Tues 23 Apr, 7pm AEDT

hello @Determined , @CheerBear

ammmm @Former-Member

In response to: Topic Tuesday // Working through feelings of guilt // Tues 23 Apr, 7pm AEDT

JoSenior Contributor23 Apr 2019, 8:03 pm AEST

Re: Topic Tuesday // Working through feelings of guilt // Tues 23 Apr, 7pm AEDT

If the loved one for whom we care is a son or daughter, as a parent we sometimes blame ourselves and suffer guilt, thinking we should have done certain things differently during their childhood. For example, going out to work and leaving them in the care of babysitters, ignoring early signs of mental instability, not giving them enough attention when going through bad stages ourselves such as post natal depression, marriage breakdown, family arguments etc. These are difficult issues to deal with upon reflection but it's very important to go easy on ourselves and accept that examples such as these are all part of 'life' and 'being human'.

In response to: Re: Topic Tuesday // Working through feelings of guilt // Tues 23 Apr, 7pm AEDT

Shaz51Senior Contributor23 Apr 2019, 8:06 pm AEST

Re: Topic Tuesday // Working through feelings of guilt // Tues 23 Apr, 7pm AEDT

ohhhhhhhh helllloooo @Jo

that is a good tip @Allanah because I know in my own thinking , my mind will go over and over it for ages @Former-Member

In response to: Re: Topic Tuesday // Working through feelings of guilt // Tues 23 Apr, 7pm AEDT

au_gustCasual Contributor23 Apr 2019, 8:06 pm AEST

Re: Topic Tuesday // Working through feelings of guilt // Tues 23 Apr, 7pm AEDT

Yes, acknowledgement. It's important for me to recognise the feelings and make the link back. Then what usually follows is an internal conversation between guilty me and rational me! I try to consider what advice I would give to someone in the same situation, because that advice is rational, gentle and kind.

In response to: Re: Topic Tuesday // Working through feelings of guilt // Tues 23 Apr, 7pm AEDT

Unknown userMember23 Apr 2019, 8:06 pm AEST

Re: Topic Tuesday // Working through feelings of guilt // Tues 23 Apr, 7pm AEDT

Thanks so much for sharing @Jo . Really a lot of truth in there, you are very self aware and self reflective.

"These are difficult issues to deal with upon reflection but it's very important to go easy on ourselves and accept that examples such as these are all part of 'life' and 'being human'."

Being human - 100% yes.

In response to: Re: Topic Tuesday // Working through feelings of guilt // Tues 23 Apr, 7pm AEDT

Unknown userMember23 Apr 2019, 8:08 pm AEST

Re: Topic Tuesday // Working through feelings of guilt // Tues 23 Apr, 7pm AEDT

@Allanah Perspective is incredible isn't it. Also sometimes people slightly external have fresh eyes and may even have a new strategy or resource we have not considered! I think that's why this forum is such a valuable place as we have hundreds & hundreds of fresh eyes

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