Not sure what to do !!!

Would Mum go to clinic if you asked her @Shaz51

@Former-Member, @outlander , @Ali11

mum was tricky as the lady from the memory clinic rang me about mum`s appointment i the afternoon --- tricky mum

Seniors moments vs not is always the concern @Shaz51 . Perhaps talking to her GP about what is happening. In my weekly phone call to my mum, she told me she was losing her marbles and to ask my sis about it, but then remembered that it was because she did not remember who someone was. (She turns 88 this week).

Good morning to you dear @Shaz51

So sorry to hear about your Mum. Its so hard isnt it? My Mum is much the same. I know she is confused and forgetful over everything these days. My Mum also can be told something several times and its not sinking in. She is forgetting how to use the microwave, the washing maching, the oven. But uses excuses to cover it up and to fend off questions about why she isnt doing any washing or cooking etc. So she is sneaky enough to know to try to cover up her inadequacies. And I dont believe her GP is aware of how bad things are for her at home. Again she covers things up and is not honest about how bad her memory and comprehension skills have become. My Mum is also cancelling appointments made for her by her GP or my brother.

My brother visited her a week or two ago and it happened to be at lunchtime, and she was cooking lunch for herself and my dad. My brother rang me from there and told me what she was cooking. I must say it sounded delicious and nourishing! She was frying up twiggy sticks (the little skinny sticks that you usually have on a nibbles platter) and serving them on a slice of very mouldy bread. Yuuuummmm! The thing is that she had plenty of fresh food in her fridge, but I think she just didnt know what to do with it. Oh dear ......... !!!!

So I understand what you are going through with your Mum, unfortunately it sounds very familiar. I am really desperate to get down to visit my Mum and Dad and try to put some measures in place to help out somehow. I just need hubby well enough, and that will require hospital time first. Which we are still waiting to hear that a bed is available.

But its hard knowing what can be done. Like your Mum, my parents are refusing all outside assistance. Every day I talk my Mum and speak about the merits of getting meals on wheels. Things which should resonate with her - economical, fresh, nutritious, someone to talk to, wont have to worry about cooking, less urgency to shop. And also about getting a nurse in to help with showers for herself and my Dad. At present Dad has a shower every few months at best. And Mum forgets when she has showered and when she hasnt. A nurse could also check on their medications, because despite the convenience and ease of Webster Packs, she gets it wrong all the time. She has half a dozen packs at home for each of them, all started and many clearly having been missed or others doubled up. Or a cleaner to help out with toilets bathrooms and some vaccuuming. But no ... she keeps saying they are coping just fine. Yeah ... sure! So frustrating.

I spoke to my psych about it when I saw her last week. She explained that I can talk to her GP about how things really are for her. Apparently family can speak to them about their concerns, but they are not permitted to tell you anything. But the conversation can be a one sided one, which is allowed. If I were there and able to talk to her GP, I would do so. But its difficult when I am all the way up here, some 7 hours away.

Clearly @Shaz51 , both your Mum and my Mum have a problem with deteriorating cognition. Clearly they would benefit from more assistance. But they are currently in denial. I think @Former-Member 's Mum is in a different situation entirely. She is aware that she may have a declining memory function, and it concerns her. Thats an indication that she does not really have a problem at all. At least for now, her self awareness is intact.

I dont know what to advice Shaz, I really dont. I truly wish I knew, because I could use that same advice.

Waves to @outlander @Bunniekins @Owlunar

Sherry 🌺🤗💕

Yep, my Mum is very different @Former-Member , is willing to accept help (was reluctant at first but appreciative once it started), food going off was one problem but solved with a person who helps with food audit (checks fridge and freezer for freshness), list on fridge door is updated and interval small shop done, with things added to list for when her regular fortnightly big shop is done. Mind is sharp but body failing.

Perhaps once transition team has finished @Shaz51 , your mum might realise what a help they are and be more amenable to accepting help.

So she is sneaky enough to know to try to cover up her inadequacies.-- same here @Former-Member , @Former-Member

mum does not tell me everything until later

I had arranged a few things to continue and mum says " I wish you did not do that "

@Former-Member, I finally got mum on "meals on wheels " because they come 3 times a week and you can still cook for the other four days

both your Mum and my Mum have a problem with deteriorating cognition. Clearly they would benefit from more assistance. But they are currently in denial.-- very true @Former-Member , but mum is happy if did everything

yes mum tells me things -- and I was there that day

I know what you mean , went there this morning and the plants have been movved , ammm who moved them -- Mum

we did a few jobs today

one hand she is soo indepentant BUT she wants me around to do everything

Hi @Former-Member

That is really tough stuff about your Mum and the question of what to do about it is not easy to answer but it's important something is done

But you are 7 hours away and have your own health problems - I think you have chronic pain syndrome - I'm pretty sure it's you and that is something that can only be managed but not cured and you are seeing a psychiatrist so you have your plate full already

Does your mother have a case worker - someone with some authority about the situation because she's losing to plot and things sound pretty unhealthy for her and your Dad and your brother is on the spot atm and where does he start? What can he do?

One thing I am pretty sure about is that if people want to stay in their own home then that's up to them but if your Mum is sneaky about things and changes or cancels appointments - things like that - then she does need the help she doesn't want.

In some ways I understand that but also I have spoken to my own doctor about my own future. I want to continue living in my own home but there are some things I want to maintain control over too - I want to keep my toxic sister out of my affairs - so if I feel as if things are not going well for me I want to know so I can maintain personal privacy

Just thinking about this I wonder if this is the main problem as people age - they want to maintain their privacy? - I am pretty sure that's true.

I really hate the thought of things falling apart - there comes a time when people need help - I have been having help at home for a long time and it can be intrusive having strangerss here but the thing is that although there is a turnover with helpers they are not strangers for long

I guess it takes time to realise that

Dec

Hello @Owlunar , @Former-Member , @Former-Member , @outlander , @Bunniekins , @Faith-and-Hope

mum`s transitition team is finishing up before we leave

Umm @Shaz51 does that mean your Mum will not have any outside assistance while you're away?

yes @Former-Member , so I am relying on my aunty and cousin who have said they will drop in everyday and also meals on wheels 3 days a week i am feeling uncertain xx