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Exo's Exposé

Exo's Exposé

Looking for somewhere to hide in the Forum, no offense to anyone, I'm just kinda used to my own space - it feels safer to me. I often feel like I'm 'butting in' on other threads, I want to say something but it isn't 'in-line' with the current flow of conversation.

It rained here yesterday, dogs & cats weren't falling from the sky, but the grounds wet, there's puddles in my driveway & it's soooooooo sooooooo much cooler 😄 Guru Google even promises more!! After this weird wet stuff stopped dropping from above, I took the dogs for their walk, I do this almost every afternoon, but after a storm with close lightning strikes, my main purpose is to check the fence is still upright everywhere. I'm happy to announce it was all in tip-top shape 🙂 I noticed new puddle spots all the way around, I was sad that some trees had to be pushed over for the fence line, but the dip of their absence looks quite beautiful with a drop of moisture shimmering within. When I had completed the usual circuit I by-passed returning into the house-yard & wandered through to the dam. I think I may have been a little rain-drunk, I was hoping to see water in it, there wasn't any. I even went & stood in the very center of it's base, I think I was expecting to sink in mud - I didn't; but the cracks are gone . . . & they were huge. So if the Guru comes through with it's promise, there may yet be a puddle for my Staffy to play in 😉

I've decided to leave my camping trip to the beach for another week, rain wouldn't stop me - it rarely rains 24 hrs a day, but storms have - they often have devastingly strong winds that can break off & pick up reasonably heavy objects, that become dangerous ammunition. I've been emailing with the owners of this place, I'll still be in the off-peak season if I leave it another week - though I worry being so close to the Easter holiday, there's a more likely chance of more people. I keep telling myself I've just got to 'get over' that, that that would be all part of the experience - but I know I'm lying to myself. I picked this spot mainly because of the dog-friendly off-lead beach, but also because on the satelite view of Google maps I could see that there's no towns around it. It's one of the most isolated camping parks I've seen {that's within 5 hours of home, well - maybe just a little more}. It also admits it has old amenities, I saw negitive feedback about the place for those reasons - I think if you want to go to a resort . . . that's where you go - not to a place that describes itself as a rustic, old fashioned bush camping park 😉

Missing you Mazy Loads of love & support @Mazarita

1141 replies

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In response to: Exo's Exposé

Re: Exo's Exposé

Hello again dear @Exoplanet

This is such an overwhelming situation for anyone to go through.

I am concerned that you are dealing with all of this on your own.

Your last post strongly talks about your rights.

Health practitioners have an ethical responsibility towards their patients. Given this I just wanted to check the following to assist you to take back some control over your decisions in an humane manner.

I hope that the questions do not further upset or offend you in any way.

As you already have a medical relationship with your doctor...would making a double appointment with the doctor to discuss where you are at now with your thoughts and fears help?

Your doctor can also provide you with a wealth of information for support at this early stage and ongoing if you so wish.

Is there currently a medical power of attorney in place where you have signed a form appointing a particular person to make decisions about your care and health?

If this is not the case you can discuss this with your doctor that you need your medical file to be noted that no information is given to anyone without consulting you.

Any future referrals to health practitioners to include this authorisation by yourself.

I wanted so much to keep this brief as there is so much to deal with.

Please know that you have ongoing people on the forums who care and are listening each in their own way.

All respecting your dignity and wishes.

Thinking of you @Exoplanet

Sending you thoughts of love

Sophia

In response to: Re: Exo's Exposé

Re: Exo's Exposé

lots of hugs my @Exoplanet

In response to: Re: Exo's Exposé

Re: Exo's Exposé

@Exoplanet

In response to: Re: Exo's Exposé

Re: Exo's Exposé

I think the yo-yo has begun. Am I willing to undergo the suffering of recovering from surgery, something that is harder for smokers & I am a heavy one - knowing that it may not be successful . . . for my Daughter. I'd say what she's doing, although I don't think it's a conscious act, is emotional blackmail. She's said things like l don't want to lose my Mother, I don't want to watch my Mother end, I hope I don't do this to my children; she's referred to my situation as suicide, said I'm just giving up. I know she's reacting to shock, but it feels like she's not acknowledging that I am too, I've had a shock too. I know my actions affect others as others actions have affected me. Am I resentful of theirs decisions not to visit me, not to stay in close contact with me - well I think those actions definitely have influenced the way I'm processing this information & yes I think it's why I'm angry with their responses of what they want & their pushing for me to make their decisions & their seeming refusal to even contemplate what I might want whilst I'm living this stage of my life.

I've always known that freedom is just a word, that it isn't real. Every persons reality is different, it changes with every individuals perception of what is true, false, good, bad, right, wrong, etc. I don't feel that I'm being given the right to decide whether I want to continue living the natural stages of my life, or whether I want medical intervention that will give me a percentage chance of surviving for 5 years - that is how they estimate the life expectancy of someone with cancer.

I am aware that breasts are not vital organs & that is why doctors want to remove the affected area as quickly as possible, as it gives a higher percentage chance that the cancer may not spread. I'm also aware that a person can undergo every treatment available & it may not be successful. I'm aware that leaving a rapid growth in any area of the body may lead to that area becoming very painful. I've already considered that at some stage I may want the breast removed for this reason - then it would be my decision. I'm aware that at that point, for some reason, it may not be operative, I accept that. I'm aware that the longer I leave medical intervention the higher the possibility of it becoming untreatable, I accept that. I'm a heavy smoker, a reformed alcohol abuser & one of my titles is anorexia, I had poor nutrition for decades, earlier in my life. I'm aware I have not lived healthily.

I don't think, not just my Daughter or Sister, but the population in general, understands or accepts the battle, fight, struggle, that a person with particular individual thought processes undergoes every day. I have been fighting, I have not given up, it's been over half a century! I'm tired.

In response to: Re: Exo's Exposé

Re: Exo's Exposé

@Exoplanet I believe everyone has the right to choose how they live (or not) their own lives ...and why this decision is still very much up in the air for you I am sure you will consider everything before you decide how to proceed. It is likely that both ypu and your daughter are very much in shock still and I can see why your daughter is saying the things she is - but that is not what you need right now - you need people in your corner to allow you to work through this in your own time and in your own way. It is the hardest decision you will ever have to make but it needs to be your decision taking in all possibilities and outcomes. Here listening Hon and walking beside you with all of this

In response to: Re: Exo's Exposé

Re: Exo's Exposé

Hey @Exoplanet I totally echo everything @Zoe7 has said here. Could not put it any more eloquently or add to it. Ultimately it's your life. Thinking of you lots xx

There is a document called an "Advance Health Directive" that you can do while you are in control of everything and thinking for yourself. In it you specify things like what you want done in various medical eventuations and even who you don't want to have a say, whether or not you want anyone else's consent on your behalf. I think you could get it, or find out where to get it from, through your Dr. You also nominate who you want to have a copy of it and who you don't want to. My mother has one and I hold a copy of it. I think it might be really worth looking into for you.

As far as I know there's also some sort of Power of Attorney document you can do yourself while you are still independent that specifies who can and can't take over if the time comes when they try. Not actually sure about this or where to get it from, but again your Dr might know, or possibly a solicitor.

Hoping this information is helpful to you.

Sending love xx

In response to: Re: Exo's Exposé

Re: Exo's Exposé

Hearing you too @Exoplanet .... 💜🌹

In response to: Re: Exo's Exposé

Re: Exo's Exposé

@Exoplanet

No words. Hearing you.

30 is too young to die

In response to: Re: Exo's Exposé

Re: Exo's Exposé

@Exoplanet

In response to: Re: Exo's Exposé

Re: Exo's Exposé

@Exoplanet

let the emotions come

they are a part of you and you do not have to justify them to anyone.

you have had a very difficult journey through your life that I have read in your post.

Anorexia in itself is a very complex illness and yes misunderstood in the past...there is more awareness around this now..

the other alcoholism often follows mental health struggles in particular where there is not enough support or family understanding.. smoking goes hand in hand with alcoholism..

I worked in an area briefly with former homeless people, alcoholics, drug addicts.

some incredible minds and former highly successful people..

do not judge yourself for those times of your life..

you are now facing so many mixed emotions, memories, triggers,

always with you every day even when I am not on line

you have many people holding you up here..

trust in you

💜

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