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Exo's Exposé

Exo's Exposé

Looking for somewhere to hide in the Forum, no offense to anyone, I'm just kinda used to my own space - it feels safer to me. I often feel like I'm 'butting in' on other threads, I want to say something but it isn't 'in-line' with the current flow of conversation.

It rained here yesterday, dogs & cats weren't falling from the sky, but the grounds wet, there's puddles in my driveway & it's soooooooo sooooooo much cooler 😄 Guru Google even promises more!! After this weird wet stuff stopped dropping from above, I took the dogs for their walk, I do this almost every afternoon, but after a storm with close lightning strikes, my main purpose is to check the fence is still upright everywhere. I'm happy to announce it was all in tip-top shape 🙂 I noticed new puddle spots all the way around, I was sad that some trees had to be pushed over for the fence line, but the dip of their absence looks quite beautiful with a drop of moisture shimmering within. When I had completed the usual circuit I by-passed returning into the house-yard & wandered through to the dam. I think I may have been a little rain-drunk, I was hoping to see water in it, there wasn't any. I even went & stood in the very center of it's base, I think I was expecting to sink in mud - I didn't; but the cracks are gone . . . & they were huge. So if the Guru comes through with it's promise, there may yet be a puddle for my Staffy to play in 😉

I've decided to leave my camping trip to the beach for another week, rain wouldn't stop me - it rarely rains 24 hrs a day, but storms have - they often have devastingly strong winds that can break off & pick up reasonably heavy objects, that become dangerous ammunition. I've been emailing with the owners of this place, I'll still be in the off-peak season if I leave it another week - though I worry being so close to the Easter holiday, there's a more likely chance of more people. I keep telling myself I've just got to 'get over' that, that that would be all part of the experience - but I know I'm lying to myself. I picked this spot mainly because of the dog-friendly off-lead beach, but also because on the satelite view of Google maps I could see that there's no towns around it. It's one of the most isolated camping parks I've seen {that's within 5 hours of home, well - maybe just a little more}. It also admits it has old amenities, I saw negitive feedback about the place for those reasons - I think if you want to go to a resort . . . that's where you go - not to a place that describes itself as a rustic, old fashioned bush camping park 😉

Missing you Mazy Loads of love & support @Mazarita

1141 replies

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In response to: Exo's Exposé

Re: Exo's Exposé

A different response @Exoplanet

Is there anything that I can do for you?

A silly question given that this is virtual perhaps.

However, I would like to read your thoughts on how I might better support you through this if you would like that.

I will do my best within time frames that I can be at my computer.

I will definitely make an effort due to your health.

Sophia1

sending you warm energy waves

In response to: Re: Exo's Exposé

Re: Exo's Exposé

Hi @Exoplanet

Thinking of you. If you’re up for a check-in I know I am not the only one who will appreciate hearing from you no matter what is or isn’t happening …… ❤️

In response to: Re: Exo's Exposé

Re: Exo's Exposé

Hello @Exoplanet

Sending you warm wishes and caring thoughts.

I cannot take away your pain as other's cannot take away mine.

Each of our pain different.

I can let you know that even when I do not write to you there is a special place for you in my thoughts.

My memory is not reliable at all.

sometimes I forget names.

I will always remember the connections that we have shared.

Sending you love

Sophia1

In response to: Re: Exo's Exposé

Re: Exo's Exposé

Hello Everyone, @Sophia1 @Faith-and-Hope @Shaz51 @Appleblossom

A special 'Hello' to Sophia, I feel a bit bad that you've reached out so much with your support & I haven't even gotten on the Sane site to check it. But I know I don't have to feel bad, I know you & everyone that supports & posts here, understands. Sometimes you want to communicate all the time, other times you don't. I just feel pretty tired, my thoughts, my body, everything just feels pretty tired. I'm still pretty crook, still thinking 'when is this comfort care gonna kick in?'. But then I'm still being diagnosed, I'll make an appt Monday {I forgot last time I was in town}, which means it might be up to a week before I can actually get one; to find out what's in the letter that the specialist sent & start trying to start some paperwork. I have a transport subsidy scheme, also my super to try & access & then there's the VAD stuff to start learning about.

Sophia, your doing the most wonderful to help already, you're thinking of me. Just getting on the site & finding supports & posts is some of the best medicine I can get! Having someone realize I've got a lot going on in my head {because they know what that feels like}, that my thought & emotional process is fried & still thinking of me, is precious ❤️

Love to you all ❤️

In response to: Re: Exo's Exposé

Re: Exo's Exposé

New Years hugs to you @Exoplanet ….. ❤️

Good yo hear you making some plans in your immediate circumstances ….. great baby steps there ❣️ Taking time out from the forums is self-care too, and you are right, we do understand here. It’s all part of the territory, and part of the territory to know that you’re thought of, and sitting down over a cup of tea is never alone in forumland ….. we are in each others thoughts and sitting by the side of someone, somewhere in spirit.

xxx 🌷

In response to: Re: Exo's Exposé

Re: Exo's Exposé

@Exoplanet I enjoyed your stories about your dogs, the fencing and your trips. I think you are a very brave woman. Estrangements are difficult. I know it in my case as well. You do have the right to live your best quality of life with all the resources possible, in your way. Keep checking in when you want to.

Gently Bently Apple

In response to: Re: Exo's Exposé

Re: Exo's Exposé

Dear @Exoplanet

I check on you when I can

.

I am not on the forums much at moment as with you.

I saw your last post and read the beautiful message that you left for me.

I too feel the same it is the effort that someone makes in writing to a person regardless of their own life crises.

so it is my turn to thank you from the bottom of my heart for what would have been a draining exercise for you.

Your letter means so much to me also and helps me in return.

This is a beautiful experience to hold onto isn’t it.

You have so much to deal with.
I hope that you can have an advocate supporting you with such tiring paperwork and bureaucracy.
There used to be disability advocates. Mental health comes under that category.



You know what you can manage

my warrior friend.

I tried to find a beautiful garden setting for us to sit in.

(Do you remover some of our virtual letter writing stories.

You wrote so beautifully.)

and computer would not let me attach pictures of gardens.
. I think that they are all pininterest.

My mind won’t cope with more

Will try my hardest to leave notes as a reminder to let you know how valued you are


Never feel guilty about not getting back to me

I trust you.

I know that your heart is in the right place

love from your friend Sophia1

In response to: Re: Exo's Exposé

Re: Exo's Exposé

I thought I'd known the feeling of being alone, but here I am dying, sick as, but there's no-
one that will come to my home to help or give me support. I'll have to do my own palliative
care {I am already} & I want to stay at home, so I'll have to suffer. I already know I want
VAD. . . what is there for me to want to suffer through the dying process for? My beautiful
puppies, that I basically can't even walk anymore . . . the fear of getting so sick I can't
even get up & feed them? What do people think, I should suffer though it for the loneliness &
the simple sake of suffering - I've had enough suffering before any of this started, now I'm
faced with the knowledge that this suffering will continue getting worse. I've been sick for
6 months already, continuously getting worse & I'm sick of it already! I think it's just
started & I don't feel like I'm getting cared for by the Doctor, a doctor whom it takes a
week, from when I go in to make an appt to where I can actually get one! A Doctor that I've
just found out, does another town - I don't even know what days he's in mine! I think being
rural, not in a town or near any big ones, you have a different end - not so cared for, not
so much about your comfort or what you want, more like you're an inconvenience.

In response to: Re: Exo's Exposé

Re: Exo's Exposé

@Exoplanet, I know nothing I say will fix how you're feeling. It sounds so isolating, and it's no wonder given the doctors haven't been supportive so far.

What does support look like for you during this time?

If you'd like some social connection, I know the Share a cuppa? thread is usually quite busy with some familiar faces. Or our counselling drop-in line can be good to speak to also.

Sitting with you tonight ❤️

In response to: Re: Exo's Exposé

Re: Exo's Exposé

Dear @Exoplanet

You have so much to deal with.

Your darling puppies are still there with you.

Of course you have concerns about them they are your family aren't they.

They have remained loving and faithful as most pets do.

They sense that you are unwell and are very aware how much you love them and that you are doing your best.

I will share with you that I have a grumpy cat who is 11 and his love is what I now refer to as cupboard love. If I am not the one feeding him twice a day, he is not very attentive towards me at all.

Even though there is no consistency in who feeds him. He sulks I am sure of it.

I hope that brought the beginnings of a smile.

Rural services are renowned for falling behind needs. They are supposed to be remedying the issue.

I think accommodation is a major issue.

This is no excuse though.

Is there an option to change your doctor? Or are they all not taking on new clients?

Given your situation you have every right to ask to see someone else if you feel up to doing so. That is if there is someone else. You did mention that he services another town as well.

Has the Cancer Society offered any suggestions re rural support?

I just want to let you know that I am hearing you loudly and clearly.

You have every right to feel disheartened and fed up with the health system.

If it helps you vent. Vent away on here.

You are expressing some of the pent up emotion that must be released.

This might in turn give you some relief even if only minor.

Every little bit counts.

Sending you a gentle, warm hug.

I will make you a cup of hot chocolate if you like.

Would you like a marshmallow on the side or plonked in it so that you can watch it melt?

I wish that I could come up with some solutions for you.

I can continue to check in on you when I can.

If I am not here I am busy dealing with real life so please, please know it is not that I do not care.

Until next time.

Keep on venting.

I talk to myself all of the time.

Love Sophia1

Always your friend

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