The Fear of Dying Alone

Hi @Hope4me

I'm not sure that I agree that I do portray that all the time. I've receieved a lot of feedback that I am an interesting person. I've seen men who have worse anger issues that have have no trouble finding relationships. That is what I am referring to. There are some men I know that practically have no hobbies at all and just work all the time. Yet they are in relationships, that's what I don't get whatsoever.

I understand that. But I am getting to the point where I probably won't ever experience all that hard work because I continually put myself out there and try to be as confident as I can. But all that happens is that I get pushed around, shoved to the ground, and just flat out rejected because some people just get put off by the fact that "one of my favourite bands is Hüsker Dü" or "I study history". I say that confidently because I love both of those things. But I live in a generation that couldn't care less about something that happened 5 minutes ago let alone decades ago.

I'm sorry if I sound all over the joint but I also saw today of a man pushing around his girlfriend and trying to act all superior to her. These men should stop being rewarded with relationships because good guys like us keep getting marginalised because we may have interests that are left of centre.

I am just freaking sick of seeing it. That's what I mean when I say "What do I have to do to show to a woman that I am actually a decent and interesting human being?" Because too many awful men are being rewarded just because they "appear" confident when in actuality they just have as much emotional problems as I do.

There is a song about this called "Macho Insecurity" by The Dead Kennedy's. It really does articulate how I feel with these bad excuses for men.

Hey @Hope4me

I hope I’m not making you feel anxious or anything.

I’m sorry if I am. I’m just so confused right now 😞

It's ok @Former-Member, don't worry.

I can't say too much tonight, just know I've read your posts and will get back to you tomorrow. Try and take things easy till then ✌

Hope 👵

Hi there @Former-Member just touching in to see how you're travelling, where are you sitting with all of this now?

Are you able to e-mail our crew at team@saneforums.org? We just want to check we have your correct e-mail on hand in case you need to be linked into some extra support

Hi @Former-Member

I think it's fair to say the last couple of days have been the worst days of my life. Having the police come over on Sunday night, and last night I actually had an argument with my mother where she told me some home truths that have been ringing in my hears for the last 24 hours.

Today has been better. I went to uni today to get a group assignment done, which we did. Now I am just trying to stay on top for the other assignments that are due next week.

I guess I really need to start working on my anger and my inability to see people in relationships. I have decided I am going to focus more on gratitude over what I have in my life now, rather than what I don't have. I am also going to practice mindful activities as well just to make sure that I can start to control my anger and use it more productively. There is nothing neccessarily wrong with anger, I am just not using the energy well enough.

I will send you a different email now. Sorry I forgot to do it the other day.

Thanks for checking in. I really really appreciate it 👊😊

Heya @Former-Member sounds like a tough few days, but also incredible some of these reflections. You are right, anger is not an inherently bad emotion. In fact it's always a secondary emotion, there's almost always a reason for it, an underlying cause. Sometimes it can help to find outlets for anger, have you considered any options? I know for me going for a run or heading to boxing is quite helpful, but some prefer yoga etc. Gratitude is powerful too, please know you are not alone re: relationships, it is a universal challenge that one We thank you for sharing, this community will sit with you without judgement 🙂

Thanks for the e-mail too, it helps us when you're feeling unsafe to make sure you're linked to the right supports.

Hey @Former-Member

It has been but I need to start taking some ownership with this stuff now. I don’t want to feel sad like this anymore. I want to be happy and enjoy life.

Its funny that you should mention that because I am planning to get back into boxing tomorrow night! It’s been a few years since I’ve done it but I’m keen to go back.

Thanks for the support, particularly as my feelings have been all over the joint the past couple of days

Hi @Former-Member

OMG! It's so great to know you're feeling this way. Acceptance and moving forward as you obviously are, is a major step in recovery. Kudos and well done!!!

Yes, home truths tend to 'get in' don't they? I've had a few wake-up calls over the years. My little sis told me she felt intimidated by me about 20 years ago. I cried for 3 hours because I love her dearly and never wanted to hurt or scare her. That's when I began looking at myself and changing the way I communicated with people. It's been a work in progress, but the benefits are worthwhile I can assure you.

Unfortunately R, I'm spending a lot of time finally getting my business off the ground. I won't be logging in much, but will endeavour to respond when I can. I think you're in a positive mindset which helps me feel a little less worried than I might be.

You take care of yourself and keep pushing forward with uni. You can do eeeet!!! 😜

Till next time;

Hope 👵

Hey @Hope4me

Thanks for the support, it means a lot 😊

I’ve been thinking a bit more about my situation. My attitude towards being a straight edge is not strictly speaking because it’s about not drinking alcohol or doing drugs but it’s about expressing my individuality. I am different not for the sake of being different but rather I know what I enjoy and what I find meaningful. Mainstream culture doesn’t have that. It’s quite boring and superficial and I don’t know why anyone would want to engage in it.

Can i I ask what your business is? That’s pretty cool you’ve got something like that up and running. Must have taken a lot of effort to get it going 😊

I’m currently trying to socialise more and push myself. I still have those doubts about my self worth and would I mean anything to a potential girlfriend but I live in hope and that’s all you can sometimes do.

Hi again @Former-Member 🖐

Firstly, you're welcome.

I'm really loving your new sense of self. It's a pleasure reading about your feelings and the changes you're making in your life. Well done!!!

I hope your weekend went well. Mine was quiet, but hey, that's me and it's what I like. I'm considered different to my family/friends who are always busy with full days. I guess I used to be that way, but now it's a blessing to have peace and quiet. (since my breakdown)

That's the thing R; being independently different as an individual is admired, but often not 'said'. My sis and I spent a lovely night together talking over coffee which rarely happened. During our discussions she mentioned how jealous she'd been of me. To say I was shocked is an understatement; she floored me!

She was the pretty one; the charismatic one, whereas I on the other hand was a plain Jane. I admitted the jealousy I'd felt since we were little and we both talked about how sad it was we never spoke of it to each other.

She went on to say my individuality and will to follow my own path, mistakes included, was something she'd always wanted but could never find within herself; she wasn't brave enough. I travelled and followed my career here in Oz and in NZ where my spirit took me to places, people and situations she'd only dreamed about.

So even though your differences might seem to isolate you, the fact is, they set you apart; you are a rare spice Renegade. Comparing yourself to others and their experiences is futile for this reason.

My business is in a specialised field of counseling. Again, I'm different to other generalised practitioners. That doesn't mean I limit opportunities for clients either, it just means I need to put myself out there in the right areas so they can find me. And yes, it is exciting. I just need to get a handle on my insecurities and create new routines for it to flourish.

I do hope you can appreciate the concept I'm referring to. I know myself and what I want to achieve which is pretty damned amazing when you think about it; don't you agree? Many people live their whole lives searching for who they are; you and I are the lucky ones. 🌈✌😊

It's actually been quite therapeutic writing this post. The Universe can be surprisingly efficient at providing the right opportunity for our needs.

Until next time, take care;

Kind thoughts;

Hope xo 👵