Howdy,
Those who know me from Blueboard know that I'm usually a little more regular in my posts than this.
I have found that for me ECT certainly reset my brain and the changes in my brain ripples out to changes in behaviour and therefore changes in my life.
In my 46 years every therapy and treatment I have dedicated myself to has largely failed. I therefore have not encountered the challenges that rapid improvement can bring with it. I will state empathically that even with the challenges of rapid improvement, I am grateful for the rapid improvement. It doesn't mean that every day is a good day but it does mean that for the first time in my life I can have days of peace, clarity and happy. Having been born with depression, is like being born psychiatrically blind and it is now like I have days where I can "see".
Because I have worked so hard on the psychological components on the depression, it was like once the psychiatric cause (in my case) was effectively treated, I could have that rapid improvement because I'd done many years of ground work for less depressive thinking to take effect. However, like most things in life, it is not that black and white. PTSD is my major illness. Trauma from infancy does change the brains structure, it does cause brain damage but it of course has that psychological component that still needs consistent work. The ketamine doctor hopes that ketamine will somewhat help break down and prevent that immediate trigger response to some degree.
I actually had severe memory loss in the first four weeks of discharge and no post discharge support whatsoever. My private health insurer set up impossible hoops for me to jump through for my claims to be covered. I had tried to sort it out three times and had total amnesia of each attempt. The service providers were lovely and told me we had had this conversation before. They could understand that I had no family and no carer. They told me to ring the Ombudsman and the Ombudsman had the insurer paying my claims within three days no more questions asked. That level of amnesia was quite a concern though. I seem to be remembering everything four weeks post the last treatment though.
I'm very disappointed with the lack of post discharge support. I feel like I could get so much more out of the treatment I've been given if I had that post-treatment support. ECT has reset my brain. Although my illnesses work in the same way, the way I see my life has changed. I have different desires, you could even call it motiviation, but still without sufficient health to chip away at many of those goals. That said, I have broken down and chipped away at some things in the past 5 weeks but it has taken every bit of determination I have in me for the simplest of tasks.
I have bought a mop bucket. I have bought a mouse trap. I have banked a cheque. These tasks although regarded "simple" have been each been broken into smaller steps that have taken every bit of strength and persistence I possessed. They are however, things that would not have got done prior to ECT.
I take your point BG about what has been achieved and is possible.
I would like to make an outpatients appointment with the psychiatrist I had in hospital, as a way of trying to maximise treatment and try to further some of the goals I have, as well as consolidate the gains I have made.
I've spent 46 years of my life in the wilderness. While every day can't be a good day, I want to treasure and maximise the amount of health available to me in my twilight years.
