Another BlueBoard Refugee

I am always around for you my dear @GingerWhinger. Just call my name and I will always be there - I never break an oath.

I have missed you too - ironically I was just thinking of you the other day wondering how you were going. And then this inspiring post. That is so wonderful that the ECT has worked so well for you - so encouraging! I relate to the major upset only too well, not good, but something you have overcome and emerged from stronger for it.

Yes, the ECT and ongoing professional treatment has helped but a lot of this achievement in stability is your own inner strength too Ginger; hope is rewarding - you have what it takes to overcome what is thrown at you and you always will. Hold onto this always as it will see you through.

Sorry to read that the post discharge was non existant - have your GROW friends stood by you, do you still attend the group? This type of support is worth its weight in gold I have found in the past. And if these friends have stood by you through your darkest moments - friendship doesn't get better than that. And it's rock solid for life. As is my friendship I offer to you. Keep posting Ginger - so very happy for you. Sending lots of love your way - OTE xx

I am glad that the ECT seems to be helping @GingerWhinger

It might not be too intrusive if you dont have to repeat it at close intervals. Apparently it had changed so much since the old days.

Glad your old BB peeps have found you.

Hello,

Kinda got my noggin on. I had an interpersonal difficulty that activated a lot of ptsd for me, so I had to take time out, own my own feelings and work through them, self-validating what had happened in the past and seeing the current situation independent from what has happened to me, in my life before - no small feat - those patterns, and how deeply our brains are hardwired!

That I was able to work through my irrationality related to the current situation with the friendship intact was a great sign of progress. I do not kid myself that I have achieved some state of high evolution but I will give myself where credit is due - and there is an intrinsic joy in learning more about relating and giving the ptsd less control.

I'll write more tomorrow...

Hey Ginger! Long time no speak... sorry, I've been too flat out to be visiting my online friends lately. Exams coming up very shortly and starting to feel the fear! I have been thinking about you and wondering how you were getting on.

I'm so happy for you that ECT is proving to be so positive, especially after your early misgivings. I'm delighted to hear that you haven't suffered memory deficits... for an intelligent and articulate person that would have been a blow. I'm so proud of you for your personal empowerment and persistence. You have continued forward on your journey towards health in spite of seemingly insurmountable obstacles and setbacks, and you are now enjoying the rewards of your hard work and determination. Go you!!

I know there will continue to be ups and downs as you move forward from here, but I hope that in the down times you can remember what you have done now and remember that breakthrough came for you in the midst of hopelessness and despair, and that what you have done before you can do again. Plant this victory in your mind as a marker like Moses did for the Hebrews after crossing the Jordan when he instructed them to set up twelve stones, one for each tribe, as a permanent reminder for future generations of their deliverance that day. When it is darkest, remember what has been achieved and what can be possible again.

All the best to you, and I look forward to hearing about your continuing progress.

That's wonderful news @GingerWhinger that you were able to salvage the friendship - and at such a vulnerable time. Just shows the strength and resilience of your inner spirit - yes, progress indeed. I am so pleased you are feeling better - sending you a big warm e-hug.

Good luck with your exams @BeeGee - don't fear my friend as you will do well. You have heart and soul and will succeed in all you do. Sending lots of love to you both ❤️

OTE - how is the house hunting going?

Hello dear @BeeGee

The house hunting has been put on hold for awhile as my husband had to undergo extensive surgery on his shoulder and his PSA reading for prostate cancer is on the rise again - so he will also have to start more intensive cancer treatment soon. So our dreams are on hold for now but I have no doubt will be realised in the near future.

We won't be moving too far from where we are now as we have decided we don't want to leave our friends and charity work behind - both mean too much to us and I need my good friends whom I have grown closer too. And we love our work which is so rewarding and where we have met some very special people through.

I still have my sights on a particular enclave of ocean cliff tops residences nearby where I will finally realise my dreams. Just a few hiccups along the way that we will overcome with patience and love. I believe the right home for us will come onto the market when the time is right - the one that is meant to be 😊

How have you been @BeeGee? I have been thinking about you. I could imagine how tired you must be feeling but I have no doubt it will be all worth it in the end. Have you experienced any relief from your depression? Once the pressure eases the cloud should start to disperse for you. You will be a great doctor as you are not only intelligent and educated/skilled but you genuinely care about people - a steadfast recipe for healing. Very special indeed. Have you decided whether you will undertake further studies in the field of psychiatry? A whole new beginning is opening up for you - it's quite exciting!!

Damn. Sorry to hear Mr OTE is so unwell - sending him my best wishes for the best treatment outcomes and a speedy return to health.

Here's hoping too that your dream home turns up on the market at the right time when you are ready to buy. It's good that you have the luxury of time to buy when it suits you rather than being dictated to by circumstances. The last time we bought we were doing the usual dance of selling and buying at the same time, and having to choose from what was available and vaguely suitable when we sold.

No further progress on the depression front. I have been trying a range of supplements and feel like I got some moderate benefit from acetyl L-carnitine - at least I felt worse when I stopped it even though I wasn't sure of the benefits while on it. My last supplement trial was with SAMe (s-adenosylmethionine) but it gave me terrible gut pain and I had to stop after a week. I'm now back to the start of the medigoround and am trying SSRIs I haven't tried before - mainly from the perspective of doing a more thorough trial of that class before I take myself off to a psychiatrist next year for a more thorough evaluation. I know he/she would want to see that that avenue was exhausted first before trying more exotic agents. I'm still keen to explore dopamine-boosting options but that will definitely require a psych - too risky territory for a GP. I've decided I just won't have the headspace to pursue that option this year, so will wait until I graduate and my own time is truly my own instead of being owned by the books.

I am making a big effort to get more sleep lately and that has been helpful. I know I do worse when I am tired - emotionally, intellectually, relationally and with depressive symptoms. It does mean some nights I just don't get to the desk at all, but I'm trying to keep the big picture view and do just enough to get me through while giving my body the time it needs to recoup overnight. I'm mostly managing to get at least 7 hours sleep - sometimes 8, and sleep-ins on the weekend. Of course, I have to contend then with guilty/inadequacy feelings of not getting enough work done... sigh. Sometimes I just wish I could live in someone else's head. I'm coming down with a cold at the moment which is just awesome leading up to exams.

I have decided to pursue the Rural Generalist pathway with specialist Mental Health training... so that would make me a rural GP with psych skills. I have received a place on the program for next year (yay!) and will start my internship in a medium size satellite hospital in March. It will be quite the commute from my house (1 - 1.5 hours each way depending on traffic) but the next closest hospital willing to offer me a March start was over 1000kms away... so this is much better! I will try to find some boarding closer to the hospital so I can split my time between home and being closer to save on travel, especially on early/late shifts. I think the RGP option is a good fit for me and offers me the variety of practice I want (I think any narrow specialty would pall quite quickly for me) with the ability to contribute to mental health in an environment that is chronically underserviced but with great need. It will mean moving house out of the city and leaving friends behind, but that could turn out to be a good thing. At the end of the day I have no lock-in so if it doesn't suit me I can always come back.

Right. No more procrastinating for me - time to hit the books. Love to you and hubby, I hope you both keep well.