That's fantastic @eth - thanks for going to so much trouble to post such a long and intricate article - I am so glad you did
But one thing - 6 months seems an realistically short time to overcome serious grief - with my grandparents - whom I saw often in life - it was a difficult time to sort life out for a short time but life went on -
With my parents it was harder - and they were elderly - I had to see a therapist after my mother died
My son - took years to grieve him and I think I am still doing it - and reading the article was insightful because with him I didn't have a lot of the behaviours listed here -
I never wanted him to come back - as hard as it was to accept he was suffering and chose to go - it took a long time to really see that and understand. Tough one
I did however "ruminate" about his death - and the circumstances - but then I was proactive in having conditions improved where he died - I had an article about his death published - unnamed because of a juvenile death in custody - and was occupied myself for years with these issues - after 10 years I felt that I had done enough.
But what I was experiencing was obviously complex and after my last triggered event I asked myself why I would hit the wall about it when in so many ways the early years of my grief had been expressed creatively and I wasn't searching for him or pining for him - and then I shifted my thoughts further than his death and examined my parent's behaviour about his life and death - that their rejection of both of us was the main issue - that is what was causing so much sorrow when I was triggered.
The way they treated both of us was appalling and my father did acknowledge this before he died - and I was vindicated - and I had forgiven both my parents for what they did and failed to do - so that is past - and focusing on that instead of the death has been helpful and I guess that I will find out if that worked when I get to the next trigger
Another thing I considered was my car accident - so soon before he died - and that I had to wait for some months to have the surgery to repair my shoulder. That was a complication
And I have wondered often since what it must be like if a person loses a child when they are driving a car when their child/children are killed in an accident. The thought is horrifying but my son died in an unrelated event - yes - difficult
Difficult to pull all the strings together -
It's just a thought but when grief lasts for years and feels unrealistic to the person grieving would it be helpful to consider other issues surrounding the whole situation - esp for a "traumatic loss" - worth thinking about - worth writing about.
Another thing - in the early years I strongly resented anyone trying to pull me out of my grief - I felt I had the right to grieve - I still feel this for everyone - we have the right to grieve
Since the beginning I have not wanted him to come back but still - when I am out - for all these years - I still sometimes see a young mixed-race aboriginal person who looks very much like him.
Life does go on when someone we love dies - we grow older and we learn - we can share a wealth of what we know to other people - eventually we shall die ourselves - this is the natural order of life.
I wish all others who grieve my best thoughts
Dec
