Experiences of Grief

Hi @eth

Sometimes there are no right words - in fact - when it comes to grief there is so little that can be said to communicate our feelings - I understand

But hugs yes - if a person gives a bear hug they can take a bear hug - in my family most people give ritual hugs and kisses when we turn up and when we leave - but forget the bear hug - they don't like it

Except for my sister in law - now she and I always share a bear hug and at family funerals they are the best hugs of all and better than all possibe words

I'm sending a bear-hug Eth -

Dec

Those right words are tucked in here somewhere

After a while most people are old enough to have experiences some grief. Learning to call it simply rather than always getting caught up in the story.

@Macca00 this is the thread I mentioned. Tagging @Owlunar here because I feel she would be a really good support to you.

Hi @Appleblossom @Owlunar I've just seen your last couple of posts here - didn't get notified of them at the time. Just introducing @Macca00 who is new to the forums and having a difficult time with a recent bereavement.

Hugs all around xx Eth

Hi @Macca00

I read some of your story and your loss on the thread you started - I understand - and I can ley you know that you are not alone in your grief - it's really hard work and so hard to understand a suicide - unfortunately the person who takes their own life takes their reasons with them which adds to our loss.

My son took his own life 33 years ago now and it is still hard to get through the anniversary as I just have again in the last couple of weeks - I can only imagine what it was that triggered the last attempt - the successful attempt - and it could have been something I said - but what I said was the truth and he needed to hear it - and he was only a confused teenager - and so unhappy

I could have wasted all these years feeling guilty but I have not - he had got himself into the mess he was in but yes - it is hard to work through this and you have only just started. And I gather this was an older person - old enough to be a father - which makes it harder to understand.

My cousin was a family man when he took his life 10 years ago and that has been one of those that is harder to understand - in my case - harder to forgive - but he decided to die and there is no doubt about it - how many people have suffered - it is even harder when children are involved - what can we say? what can we do?

It takes time Macca - we need not feel guilty that it was something we did or didn't say or did or didn't do because a suicide is a choice made by the person who does it - and it is tragic - we can blame ourselves but early in my loss a chaplain at the university where I was studying told me something important that I have kept believing in all these years - the more guilt we feel the less we are responsible - the less we need to feel the blame - the people who are at fault in these situations don't feel guilty and maybe they should -

And this is such a confusing time for you - your loss is so new. First you need to give yourself time to grieve - to feel your loss and express this in whatever way you choose - or what works for you. It's a dark and lonely time. It does pass but there is no short cut - only living through - it's so huge there's not way around

All the best Macca - I hear you and know it's really tough - a really lonely time - and shadowy

Dec

Thanks for the Into @eth

Thank you for your message @Owlunar

I am sorry to hear about your son and cousin, That must have been incredibly hard to deal with.

Im on my way to my first counciling session and I’m hoping it goes well, I’ll give it my best shot anyways.

i thank you for your message, I got a lot out of it.

Hi again @Macca00

All the best with your first counselling session - I hope you are able to get a lot of help and understanding there

This forum is a peer support forum - we are here to support each other and a vital part of that is finding that we are not alone - that other people suffer from the same issues - and it can be incredibly painful but in time we can gain strength and eventualy pass on what we have learned ourselves in the process

I am glad you got a lot out of my message - I have learned wisdom through the years and it is a wonderful thing and worth learning - great to be able to share it

Dec