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New diagnosis

New diagnosis

Hi all

My husband has had a diagnsis of major dpression only weeks ago, i have been trying to get him to some kind of help for about a year. Luckily he finally agreed to go to counselling with me & the psychologist picked it up. Took me another month to get him into a GP's office, where hes now being treated for a sleeping disorder with anti depressants.

I feel we really need to get him to a proper psych assessment & I'm giving him a referral form for an assessment to take to his next weekly GP appointment. Even if is a second opinion & the psychiatrist totally agrees with everything. The counsellor & myself think that Bipolar II is still on the table & the GP has only seen him in depression, not up & hasn't even talked to me. hes crashed a car which i found outwas not insured 7 then went & bought another that we dont need while it was in the shop.

As things are getting clearer slowly I have looked back in a dairy where I was so confused I started keeping a diary of his behaviour before i asked him to leave for a weekend after I found out he'd gone out of the marraige for "someone who listens". I have found that back in May he did talk of being in a bad place & not knowing how he didn't go to our local bridge & just jump off.

Now hes been refusing to come back, which to be homest is not a bad thing in the short term as I don't have to deal with his anger, blame & on medication rapid mood swings. I almost think his up is worse than his down. At the moment he has a down for a few hours in the middle of the day & has to walk around the block to get thru what is about a couple of hours feeling like that.

We are still in counselling once a week & he is turning up. i had to get medicated myself once i asked him to leave & that will go to Xmas. I'm getting stronger & negotiating his behaviour to come home (I ned to hear him tell the other woman that he wont see or communicate with her out of the office as hes said its over more than once).I've gone from crying 4 times a week due to his behaviour & anger and having to take sleeping medication to getting upset on the weekends & turning to do something for me.

We date on the weekends but at the moment most weekends something "goes wrong" & he doesn't turn up for the whole or part of that time.

Is there any way to get him to a psych assessment without a GP referral? I have told him that i feel we are in a bad or unsafe place I will need to make the call to our nearest emergency department which has a psychiatric emerency centre too but i wont do that unless I really need to & if hes not with me with the phone off i might not know.

Everything is a daily rollercoaster, i feel as tho I'm hanging on by my fingernails & jsut as I decide I can't hold on any more we take a tiny step forward!

83 replies

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In response to: New diagnosis

Re: New diagnosis

I think you might be on the right track - I'm not sure how to put it in words. Why does he call me controlling & that I don't listen,when I basically do everything he's quite controlling, now that I have gone thru it with the psycologist.

In response to: New diagnosis

Re: New diagnosis

I know his friends think I'm the best thing that happened to him & his rage has been much less since I have been around. I didn't know he had rage before we married 4 yrs.

In response to: Re: New diagnosis

Re: New diagnosis

It's up to you to accept the his defensive cries.
How can you grow from his silliness ? Ide personally can think of calling you controlling too as a defence if I was doing what he's done.
I'm amazed by your strength.

What did Jack Nicholson do in that film. He kept on and will keep on making mistakes......

In response to: Re: New diagnosis

Re: New diagnosis

Please stay humble.
But maybe you can pop in your lunch box little incidences where you can remember / see you have had a good influence on him.

For instance, if I remember from that film.......from the admiration of Helen Hunt, Jack Nicholson, tries to make himself into a more decent man. He also opens his eyes and sees the world in a different way and accepts Greg .............. As his friend. What can you think?
Did you know it's the woman who leads the relationship.

How can you keep moving and be a better person in your dilemmas ?

In response to: Re: New diagnosis

Re: New diagnosis

Thanks for the great idea justanother 47yr, instead of putting the comfort in my lunch box I've put in a txt to himself (this could be a great idea in getting him to trust history when hes not sure what to believe - thank you xxx)! We certainly have some behaviour and conflict avoidance to deal with, fortunately we have a great psychologist. I can hang in there until he is much better & see what we can do with those, after that i'll decide what i'm prepared to live with. I feel his journey is going to be a lifetime one, whereas he currently speaks about a 6-12 month journey.

In response to: Re: New diagnosis

Re: New diagnosis

I personally felt very insecure when I began sending you texts. So very happy iyou understood where I was coming from.
I always think that when having problems remember the good times.
I don't know though.

It feels like you had temporarily forgotten your role in the relationship.....anyone would though. This is okay. .
You sound warm and caring

And I'm always interested in hearing how your managing it.

In response to: Re: New diagnosis

Re: New diagnosis

Thanks for the compliments! My first role is to get him, diagnosed by an expert not Gp & the right drug at the right dose. Finding it hard to settle petal until we get at least the first achieved! Altho I'm better than i was!

In response to: New diagnosis

Re: New diagnosis

Your acceptance quote is soooo timely. After a few relatively normal weeks (after 10 years of hell) it has started all over again. I can;t believe it, but i'll just keep reminding myself of the quote - which was what enticed me onto this page. Thank you.

In response to: Re: New diagnosis

Re: New diagnosis

hi Mrs C,
how are you?

In response to: Re: New diagnosis

Re: New diagnosis

Actually we had a break thru @ counselling last night, he realises hes been ill for many years & "gets" what I mean about being under treatment of an expert - you wouldn't let your GP treat your cancer. hes now heard the words mood stabiliser & can see that his mood is not stable. He has also heard he doesn't have to accept where he is as as good as it can get. His email me to me this morning said. Thank you for taking this terrible journey & seeing it through. i had no idea i had been affected for so long. I hear what you are saying. he also called to say hello. I need a 12 hour sleep & now he can start his journey.
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