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New diagnosis

New diagnosis

Hi all

My husband has had a diagnsis of major dpression only weeks ago, i have been trying to get him to some kind of help for about a year. Luckily he finally agreed to go to counselling with me & the psychologist picked it up. Took me another month to get him into a GP's office, where hes now being treated for a sleeping disorder with anti depressants.

I feel we really need to get him to a proper psych assessment & I'm giving him a referral form for an assessment to take to his next weekly GP appointment. Even if is a second opinion & the psychiatrist totally agrees with everything. The counsellor & myself think that Bipolar II is still on the table & the GP has only seen him in depression, not up & hasn't even talked to me. hes crashed a car which i found outwas not insured 7 then went & bought another that we dont need while it was in the shop.

As things are getting clearer slowly I have looked back in a dairy where I was so confused I started keeping a diary of his behaviour before i asked him to leave for a weekend after I found out he'd gone out of the marraige for "someone who listens". I have found that back in May he did talk of being in a bad place & not knowing how he didn't go to our local bridge & just jump off.

Now hes been refusing to come back, which to be homest is not a bad thing in the short term as I don't have to deal with his anger, blame & on medication rapid mood swings. I almost think his up is worse than his down. At the moment he has a down for a few hours in the middle of the day & has to walk around the block to get thru what is about a couple of hours feeling like that.

We are still in counselling once a week & he is turning up. i had to get medicated myself once i asked him to leave & that will go to Xmas. I'm getting stronger & negotiating his behaviour to come home (I ned to hear him tell the other woman that he wont see or communicate with her out of the office as hes said its over more than once).I've gone from crying 4 times a week due to his behaviour & anger and having to take sleeping medication to getting upset on the weekends & turning to do something for me.

We date on the weekends but at the moment most weekends something "goes wrong" & he doesn't turn up for the whole or part of that time.

Is there any way to get him to a psych assessment without a GP referral? I have told him that i feel we are in a bad or unsafe place I will need to make the call to our nearest emergency department which has a psychiatric emerency centre too but i wont do that unless I really need to & if hes not with me with the phone off i might not know.

Everything is a daily rollercoaster, i feel as tho I'm hanging on by my fingernails & jsut as I decide I can't hold on any more we take a tiny step forward!

83 replies

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In response to: New diagnosis

Re: New diagnosis

Good on you Mrs C for getting some extensions on bills! And taking self care seriously, a walk can be a great de-stress action. I like @zipper's suggestions too.
Have you called his counsellor about the financial stress you are under?
It sounds as though a financial counsellor might be really worth speaking to. In olden says, Citizens Advice Bureau used to know where to direct people. Would Centerlink ora commu city centre have links into a financial counsellor? Judt to explore options of dealing with banks, bills, etc...

In response to: New diagnosis

Re: New diagnosis

I am so pleased Mrs C that you have support from your family

I am sure your siblings will have only your best interests at heart and give you some honest advice !!

have a wonderful time

take care

ZZ

In response to: Re: New diagnosis

Re: New diagnosis

Happy Thursday! We have a joint counselor at the moment & she is well aware of the financial situation, he has walked out of counselling before so we will tread gently on this one,I trust her to lead & she has now been around long enough to see a cycle of paying quarterly tax and the aftermath. I am working in the background to get some expert advice on how we can get out of this cycle for both our health as it now directly affects mine as well. Baby baby steps!
I found this today - it helped me.

Daily Word Vitamin for Thursday October 16th, 2014: RESILIENCE

If we're seeking to feel freer to express who we really are and live an authentic emotionally colourful life rather than become a beige people pleaser, we'll need to work on our emotional muscle of RESILIENCE.

How? ...

The best way I've found is instead of tormenting ourselves with the futile "why's" when challenging and shitty situations arise; we work our hearts muscle of RESILIENCE better when we ask ourselves "how" we can make changes that will intercept this ever happening again.

I remind myself often when I need to ask myself H.O.W I'm gonna overcome an emotional obstacle ... that this words letters actually answer my question themselves ...

H is for Honestly
O stands for Open-mindedly
and ...
W reminds me to make the necessary changes in myself Willingly.

How do we handle upsetting, inconvenient, emotionally immature people maturely? We take our behaviour up a notch, not stoop to petty paybacks or passive aggressive punishment and respond with the grace of an adult not the grief of a child. We conduct ourselves Honestly, Open-mindedly and Willingly, that's how!

We all accept in adult life that "shit happens" sometimes we can work out "why" it happens and sometimes we can't.

When we focus on "how" we're gonna get through it with our self respect in tact, we can actually create sustainable change.

In order to keep building our hearts RESILIENCE we need to not fear change, but change our fear.

So as we recharge our hearts today, let's check in with ourselves to see if we need to work our RESILIENCE muscle perhaps a little more?

How well do we dust ourselves off and get back to our feet, with our dignity in tact when life has tripped us up with a disappointment?

Is our emotional "down time" improving slowly but surely?

Let's also remember as we take time to rate our emotional fitness that the only person we need to compare our hearts RESILIENCE to is with is the person we were yesterday, last week, las month or last time this shit happened in our lives. Did we react with the immaturity of an upset child, or respond with the grace and maturity of an adult?

I just had to conclude today's Word Vitamin with a visual of one of my most favourite female characters of RESILIENCE, the gorgeously voluptuous Joan from Mad Men!

Love her or hate her, nonetheless what a RESILIENT feast of femininity she is ... enjoy.

In response to: Re: New diagnosis

Re: New diagnosis

Anne Deveson had a book published about 15 years ago titled RESILIENCE. It's great. Perfect for carers to read.

In response to: Re: New diagnosis

Re: New diagnosis

Joint session tonight,I could have quite easily got angry for the first time ever, I feel as tho I don't deserve to be treated like this for so long,counselor told me to hold it in as he was actually in the room.
He & the counselor will be working on why he is so angry & blaming me for his illness & then I will be invited back.
We need to find a safe way to talk to each other now.

In response to: Re: New diagnosis

Re: New diagnosis

@Former-Member you previously write about resilience, may she visit you and share her beauty

In response to: New diagnosis

Re: New diagnosis

Thank you for reminding me about that. Unfortunately the extension for the electricity bill has now come & gone & my beautiful man is shutting down our communication to protect himself from me (I don't know details)!

In response to: Re: New diagnosis

Re: New diagnosis

Gosh, so much to juggle @Former-Member

I understand that you're seeing a counsellor at the moment. Have you tried a financial counsellor? They have specific expertise to support people through managing stressful financial situations like these. The Salvation Army provides financial counseling, which provides advice on how to manage legal action regarding debts, and they can provide no-interest loans too.

I loved your post about resilience. Hope you are finding strength to get through these tiring and stressful times.

CB

In response to: Re: New diagnosis

Re: New diagnosis

Thanks CB I'm starting to head down this track,I'm not in a position of no money at all so I don't want to take services away from anyone worse off than myself,the advice I could do with tho.

In response to: Re: New diagnosis

Re: New diagnosis

Anne Devenson is my hero. She was interviewed on Channel 24 last year....

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