Partners who chose to stay for the long haul

'Stuck in a rut and not open to doing things in a different way'

That defiantly applies to me @Former-Member

me too @Determined

hello @Former-Member , @Newbie , @Former-Member , @Sophie1

I suspect being stubborn is often a necessary quality of care giving @Shaz51

Kind of how I apply @Former-Member s thoughts to myself anyway. And where something has worked before trying something new can be intimidating. Well for me anyway.

ohhh yes @Determined

@Newbie @Shaz51

I am reminded of one of the carer statements that a Brad Hoefs created in a US mental health support group he started which says:

"At times I don’t understand my loved one and can allow them to either wallow in their excuses, or push them too hard. Therefore I choose to learn healthy, appropriate ways to contribute to my loved one’s recovery."

It can take time to know when to hold them accountable for their promise ie saying "Sweetheart, you promised me a picnic today, the car is packed, let's go" (yes, it can be frustrating, but we often have to do the work to make it happen).

Encouraging communication by saying something like:

Saying "Oh Sweetie, I wish you had mentioned that idea earlier, if you mention these things when they come to mind our time is often flexible enough to accommodate it"

Nothing in particular frustrating me Shazzle Dazzle.

Change can be scary @Determined

Therefore I choose to learn healthy, appropriate ways to contribute to my loved one’s recovery." --- very true @Former-Member and I think this is why Mr shaz is a WAYYYY better than he was 12 years ago

Nothing in particular frustrating me Shazzle Dazzle.--- that`s good my @Former-Member from your Shazzle Dazzle

Yes @Shaz51 how we react can make so much difference to our partners and studies have shown how important in recovery it is to our loved ones but I think we can underestimate the benefit to ourselves.

@Newbie

Acknowledgeding the negative emotions is really important.

Often being angry about something is the springboard that propels us to make change. Perhaps things are still too painful, but it can be helpful to understand why we hold onto bitterness which can be soul destroying and to realise we are so much more than it. Once we let go of it, we wonder why we held onto it with an iron grip.

Trust can take time to be restored and setting healthy boundaries necessary.

Working out what can be reasonably expected also takes time but it is not unreasonable to let our partners know what we need too. I know Mr Darcy needs direct information, subtle hints are useless.