Connect with people who understand what you are going through, seek advice and surround yourself with support. We're free, anonymous, and professionally moderated 24/7.
Unknown userMember
Living and loving someone with MI presents relationship challenges and often others cannot see why we chose to stay with our partners.
Being mindful of not intruding on others stories I thought having a thread where we can share tips and encourage one another would be of value.
In response to: Partners who chose to stay for the long haul
bearNecessitiesCasual Contributor
Thank you @Former-Member for all that information.
It was certainly useful.
In response to: Re: Partners who chose to stay for the long haul
Unknown userMember
When we are in it for the long haul it is sustainable when we have healthy habits and "refuel" regularly. However, even us old hands can have lapses where we ignore the signs and find we are running on empty.
Can I gently encourage each of us to check our gauges and see if we need to take a fuel stop.
In response to: Re: Partners who chose to stay for the long haul
Unknown userMember
So true @Former-Member .
Checked the fuel guage ... and yep ... its run dry.
Sherry
In response to: Re: Partners who chose to stay for the long haul
Unknown userMember
@Former-Member sending gentle thoughts your way.
I have found that it is not only an understanding what type of fuel is needed, more importantly
there needs to be a willingness to go out of our way to visit the petrol station.
In response to: Re: Partners who chose to stay for the long haul
Unknown userMember
Sometimes for us to be willing to visit the service station to refuel is that we need to get angry and this gives us the impetus we need to make changes that will contribute to our own well-being.
In response to: Re: Partners who chose to stay for the long haul
Unknown userMember
Yes ... granted that there needs to be acknowledgement that fuel is needed. ✅ @Former-Member
I'm not sure exactly what I need, or how much I can accommodate or willing /able to accept. And even though I need to visit that fuel station, the actuality of getting there, is much less achievable than the realisation of need.
My psych and I discussed some of these things yesterday when I saw her. All a part of the Carer Burnout things she touched lightly on last time I saw her. I have to learn to delegate or relinquish responsibility to others on occasion, and not feel I have to do everything myself. Thats really hard to do.
I do agree about volunteering being a good self care thing. I have been volunteering in an aged care facility for what will be 10 years soon. Even when I was working 4 days a week, I still did my volunteering on my one day off. It is good to be doing something for others, things which you can see is appreciated and valued. At home, caring for our loved ones, you dont always get that. So often we tend to feel that our work and our care goes unappreciated and undervalued. It means we push ourselves that little bit more to overcompensate for our own perceived inadequacies, and pushing us further towards the burnout phase. My volunteering of late has been spasmodic, especially while hubby has been so unwell. I did manage to get there yesterday though ... which was good. The old lady I visit is always delighted to see me. She has moderate dementia and never remembers anything, or anyone. But she always remembers me and my name. The staff often comment on that, which is very unusual for her. The poor old dear has had the same table in the dining room for about 2 years now, and never has the slightest idea of where her table is. Same with her room. But otherwise, she's a bright and interesting old girl. And its so nice to see her so delighted to see me each week I manage to get there. Its good for the soul.
@Shaz51 @bearNecessities @Faith-and-Hope and anyone else reading along.
Sherry
In response to: Re: Partners who chose to stay for the long haul
Unknown userMember
@Former-Member
Trust as you explore these things with your psych that refueling options will become clearer to you.
In response to: Re: Partners who chose to stay for the long haul
DeterminedSenior Contributor
Hi @Former-Member @Former-Member
I like Sherry's comment
'And even though I need to visit that fuel station, the actuality of getting there, is much less achievable than the realisation of need'.
I have often likened this to pushing the car to the service station to fuel up.
Not impossible with some help but may take a while 😊
A work in progress here with som rest stops along the way but this discussion along with a gentle nudge from my GP recently has brought it back to the forefront of my thought process so thankyou.
In response to: Re: Partners who chose to stay for the long haul
Unknown userMember
Sometimes we need to trek to the service station with container in hand, other times we might be able to SOS roadside service, at other times we may be fortunate and someone will see our need and bring us out some fuel ... @Determined @Former-Member
In response to: Re: Partners who chose to stay for the long haul
Unknown userMember
Hellooo @Newbie
Just want to let you know there are some of us on this forum who have chosen to stay and know the rollercoaster of emotions that we have as we support our loved ones as they struggle with their mental health. We know the grief and losses that come with the territory. For some of us there is a definite 'before' and 'after'.
For Mr Darcy & I, we made it through an extremely rough time and have come out the other side, our relationship intact. He too was grateful that I stuck by in the worst of times. Life is different to what it was, Mr D still finding the road back from an attempt difficult, but there is much to be thankful for.😀
Help us push aside the stigma and discrimination surrounding complex mental health and change the way people talk about, and care for, mental illness.
SANE acknowledges the Traditional Owners of Country throughout Australia and recognises the continuing connection to lands, waters and communities. We pay our respect to Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander cultures; and to Elders past and present.
SANE values diversity. We are committed to providing a safe, culturally appropriate, and inclusive service for all people, regardless of their ethnicity, faith, disability, sexuality, or gender identity.
Help us push aside the stigma and discrimination surrounding complex mental health and change the way people talk about, and care for, mental illness.
SANE acknowledges the Traditional Owners of Country throughout Australia and recognises the continuing connection to lands, waters and communities. We pay our respect to Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander cultures; and to Elders past and present.
SANE values diversity. We are committed to providing a safe, culturally appropriate, and inclusive service for all people, regardless of their ethnicity, faith, disability, sexuality, or gender identity.
You’ll soon be able to use one secure login to access all SANE services.
For added security, members are now required to log in with their email address and password - member names are no longer supported for logging in.
If you had a Forums account before 19 May 2026 and haven’t set up your new login yet, you'll be prompted to set up your new secure login when you sign-in.
Fields marked * are required
