Writing As A Form Of Therapy

A lot of what I write are messages to myself. Sometimes to cleanse the worst of days, but sometimes to remind myself that it's not all bad. That's where this one was born. I find if I dwell to much on the darkness, I miss those beautiful little rays of light poking through.

Cherish The Good

Cherish the good,

Survive the bad,

Remember the moments,

You already had,

That resonate warmth,

In the depths of your soul,

Protecting that joy,

Is your number one goal.

Cherish the good,

Survive the bad,

It won’t last forever,

These feelings of sad,

The darkness is fleeting,

The storm clouds will part,

So treasure the wonders,

You hold in your heart.

Cherish the good,

Survive the bad,

These thoughts of salvation,

Are what make me glad,

My freedom is coming,

Of that there’s no doubt,

So plan for a future,

That’s worthy of shout.

Cherish the good,

Survive the bad,

Don’t question the process,

You know you’re not mad,

Just caught in the grip,

Of an illness or two,

Be steadfast and brave,

And embrace being you.

Cherish the good,

Survive the bad,

You know there are days,

That are totally rad,

So brace for the torment,

Hold fast your defence,

The battle proves hard,

But your strength is immense.

Cherish the good,

Survive the bad,

Continue the prose,

You write in your pad,

Don’t ever lose hope,

Or the need to be heard,

Your freedom relies,

Upon each written word.

Cherish the good,

Survive the bad,

Ignore all the haters,

That claim it’s a fad,

The stigma is poison,

Their ignorance rife,

Just give them the bird,

And get on with your life.

© BB - 14 Nov 2020

Hi @bipolarbunny

I am very interested in creative processes. Mine over decades have had different qualitites at different periods of my life (much like my sexuality!) Since 2007 I have been what I would consider to be wildly prolific no matter what state I have been in. Even during nine months of sleeping 20 hours a day about 2009, those four hours of wakefulness in a day were mostly taken up with manically creating music (writing is the third string in my creative activities, after video-making and music-making).

This past 13 years of highly prolific activity was interrupted at the start of last year when I had a massive crash after a very big (hypomanic) year, during which I achieved unimagined things in the wider world with my creative work. At the crash end of that I was sleeping 20 hours a day for about three months this time, and have only been very slowly coming out of that ever since. This time around there was not a high level of creating in my waking hours, though I have done some things over the past 15 months and have begun to pick up pace with it again just recently.

In my early 20s when I discovered film-making, I went through many years of very low confidence about what I was doing. But I just kept pressing ahead even over years of excrutiating writers block. It was like beating my head against a brick wall a thousand times over. Every step in the process was painful, my creative voice constricted in a big way.

What inspired me to continue with this agonising early stage of things is a general love of the arts. Also I had a desperate need for some sense of achievement in my life in something that mattered to me, some worthy occupational purpose, and some meaning to my life. My tenacity through huge difficulties early on has really paid off though in my middle-aged years. What I have achieved since 2007 is very satisfying to me, a source of joy and strength.

Thank you, your words make me feel less alone too!🌸

@Mazarita Wow! Sounds like you have accomplished some amazing things with your creativity! That is so awesome!

Creativity has always been a very important aspect of my life too. The medium has changed over the years, but the ability to show who I am through what I do has always remained. I've dabbled in painting, drawing, photography, graphic design, music, to name a few, but I think my first love will always be poetry. I've just recently started drawing again and playing guitar. Over the years when I think back to the times I was most content, it was generally when I was immersed in representing who I was or how I felt through art. I have an honours degree in Visual Arts which is probably my greatest achievement because I did it at the time I was first diagnosed with bipolar. But for the most part my creativity has remained a private indulgence. I have tried making a profession from it in the past, but it just didn't work for me. I found it took a lot of the magic away. So I'm content now just to use it as therapy.
BB 🐰❤️

The Crash

The upswing is over,

The high has run dry,

I’m left with this feeling,

Of wanting to cry,

It pounds in my mind,

With one hell of a bash,

I know where I’m headed,

All welcome the crash.

The energy draining,

On rapid decline,

The mania waning,

An ominous sign,

The cavern is calling,

And quick as a flash,

My heartbeat is stalling,

All welcome the crash.

The concrete is pouring,

Straight into my veins,

I wallow in pity,

At bitter remains,

My head once electric,

With concepts en masse,

Has fallen in silence,

All welcome the crash.

My body convulsing,

With anxious malaise,

My heart taking shelter,

In perilous haze,

The passion so fleeting,

It’s gone in a flash,

The agony beating,

All welcome the crash.

Just sleep through the madness,

A voice inside screams,

Relinquish the vision,

Of unanswered dreams,

You know you’re not worthy,

Your goals are but trash,

Say hi to self sabotage,

All welcome the crash.

No heroes to call on,

No love or support,

Just me and my pen,

And a witty retort,

My soul deeply wounded,

A treacherous gash,

The loneliness gnawing,

All welcome the crash.

The downswing is over,

The plummet has ceased,

At least for a moment,

I welcome some peace,

But still I am waiting,

For spectrums to thrash,

When the pendulum vibrates,

All welcome the crash.

© BB - 18 Oct 2020

Zombie Brain

I cannot think clearly,

I’m still half asleep,

It’s one in the arvo,

I’m balled in a heap,

I want to drive forward,

I’m stuck in reverse,

My head full of concrete,

The zombie brain curse.

The neurones are firing,

But shoot the wrong way,

I’m desperately trying,

To have my own say,

But fog mists about,

Like a thick winter brew,

No cells are complying,

The zombie brain stew.

My body is frozen,

I can’t move an inch,

I’m caught between coma,

And muscles that flinch,

The apathy’s grating,

My nerves are amiss,

Too late for complaining,

The zombie brain kiss.

It’s five in the arvo,

My head starts to clear,

By now I’m exhausted,

From trying to steer,

My mind in directions,

That bring about hope,

It’s all superficial,

The zombie brain dope.

It’s now seven thirty,

And I’m wide awake,

What a shame it’s now time,

In my meds to partake,

Just an hour or two,

I will sleep like the dead,

And arise in the morning,

With zombie brain head.

© BB - 02 Nov 2020

Hey @bipolarbunny

"I have tried making a profession from it in the past, but it just didn't work for me. I found it took a lot of the magic away."

Same here. Also I break down under the severe pressure I put on myself any time money is involved (same with every regular job I've had). I've made very little from creativity over decades of trying, gave up any attempt at that about 2003. But I have a bit of an 'artistic' career in a way that is marginal to wider culture (no pay in it but a smallish audience interest).

These days I believe artistic culture is better when free, including to those who cannot afford to buy access. Because of the internet, I include here people in less affluent nations around the world as well. I'm into sharing culture.

"...an honours degree in Visual Arts..."

Awesome! Amazing achievement, so much harder with bipolar. Marvellous.

I was an excellent student all the way through high school (though high absentee) but couldn't cope with the giant social/institutional structure of university, dropped out four times due to mental illness there. Longest I managed was a year, and failed. Still, I feel my creative work has developed some unique qualities from having been largely self-taught.

So great you are playing guitar again. I keep meaning to do the same but still it's gathering dust. Sometime later I think. Other things more important for now. I was doing some video editing tonight. Enjoying it.

My poetry has been completely private most of my life, except here on the forum. Most of my poems have been written and edited in the moment when here in this thread.

Happy World Bipolar Day to all of the beautiful souls who are touched by the fire!

To my new friends in the forums, this poem was written especially for you! Love BB xx

World Bipolar Day

Today is World Bipolar Day,

I find that I have lots to say,

To have a day, that’s just for us,

Does help subdue the struggle bus.

Today is World Bipolar Day,

And when my life’s in disarray,

I count the moments I do face,

That keep me in a warm embrace.

Today is World Bipolar Day,

And I have friends who light the way,

The SANE forums are heaven sent,

They soothe my soul when I am spent.

Today is World Bipolar Day,

And you may ask for what I pray,

It’s no surprise, I pray for peace,

And ignorance to finally cease.

Today is World Bipolar Day,

And there are demons still to flay,

But I will not relinquish hope,

Nor lose my grip upon that rope.

Today is World Bipolar Day,

The stigma tossed into the fray,

I’m proud to hold my head up high,

I’ve broken wings, but still I fly.

Today is World Bipolar Day,

I truly hope you find your way,

Into the warmth, into the light,

Where souls are shining, oh so bright.

Today is World Bipolar Day,

And I will have the final say,

For we are brave and we are strong,

And loved is where we so belong.

And if you doubt that inner voice,

That dreams a life of better choice,

Remember darkness fades away,

So Happy World Bipolar Day.

© BB - 30th March 2021

@Mazarita @Bunniekins @Shaz51 @HenryX @Appleblossom @Jynx @TideisTurning @Snowie @Former-Member @Dimity @Meowmy @Daisydreamer @Olga @frog @Former-Member

Hope you all have a wonderful day! Sorry if I have forgotten anyone. Please tag anyone else you can think off. Love BB 🐰❤️