Writing As A Form Of Therapy

Poised On The Edge

I’m poised on the edge

of a bottomless pit,

Debating the perils

of launching a fit,

At the ones who would chamber

a venomous blow,

I’m poised on the edge

and there’s nowhere to go.

I’m poised on the edge

of a chasm that’s nigh,

I know I will fall,

but I’m hoping I’ll fly,

Like a phoenix arising

through ashes and flame,

I’m poised on the edge

and I’m covered in shame.

I’m poised on the edge

of a stricken abyss,

My heart is now racing,

my thoughts are amiss,

I’ve travelled forever

this hazardous course,

I’m poised on the edge

and I’m out of remorse.

I’m poised on the edge

of a wretched black hole,

That sucks all the life

from this troublesome soul,

My heart is so weary,

my emotions are grim,

I’m poised on the edge

and there’s little within.

I’m poised on the edge

of a perilous bluff,

My veins are on fire,

enough is enough,

I stagger, I stumble,

I topple, I crawl,

I’m poised on the edge,

trying hard not to fall.

I’m poised on the edge

of a dangerous ridge,

The right of my passage,

a rickety bridge,

Between hope and despondency,

heaven and hell,

I’m poised on the edge,

it’s a menacing spell.

I’m poised on the edge

of a treacherous ledge,

To jump is no option,

to die is no pledge,

I reek with self pity,

a half empty cup,

I’m poised on the edge,

but I’ll never give up.

© BB - 21 Sep 2020

Anger is taking over

I'm so angry

I want to rip into things

my head is telling me things

my thoughts are strange

is this me

I don't know anymore

I need to go

I just want to be left alone

shoukd just go to hospital

why can't doctors believe me

I'm not good

I'm tired

I'm angry

I'm jealous

I'm vulnerable

I'm in pain

I'm hurting

Just popping in to encourage you to reach out for extra support if what you're experiencing starts to feel too overwhelming @BlueBay.There's Lifeline (13 11 14), Suicide Callback Service (1300 659 467) or Beyond Blue (1300 22 42 36). Wishing you strength and courage.

Much love and support @BlueBay ❤️

BB 🐰❤️

can't contact any of them right now

@TideisTurning

Wow, @bipolarbunny. Your writing is outstanding! Goosebumps when reading The Mania Horse. We have some common elements in our backgrounds, it seems: my dad a horseman, our almost obsessive creativity. I recognise so many things in your experiences of bipolar. I usually read freeform poetry but love the rhyming in yours. Wow again.

Thank you so much @Mazarita I'm really humbled that you enjoy my writing so much. You can thank my tdoc for getting me back into it. Nearly every session I tell him something new or I have a breakthrough, he responds with, "Oh there's gotta be a poem in that!" And there usually is. It's interesting how they seem to just flow out of me when I'm feeling ill, but when I'm feeling well they are not as prolific and have a completely different feel to them. Do you find that with your creativity?
BB 🐰❤️

This is wonderful @bipolarbunny Such a talent you have. Have you thought about putting all your poems in a book.

March the 30th is WORLD BIPOLAR DAY what a great poem for SANE to have on their Home page.

@Former-Member Thank you so much for your kind words. It's funny my tdoc keeps suggesting to me to publish a book, but at the moment I'm not quite there yet. I do have a blog which they all live on, but for anonymity reasons I can't post the link here (breach of guidelines) even though the blog itself is relatively anonymous. I'm more than happy to share them in the forum and if SANE wants to use them, that's fine by me too. They have been of great help to me.

It really feels awesome that other people can identify with them. Definitely makes me feel less alone.
BB 🐰❤️

In the past I always seemed to fall into the trap of sharing my journey with the wrong type of people and opening myself up to judgement, ridicule, stigma and/or those who have all the "answers & advice" for me even though they have no experience at all with mental illness. I find it frustrating to put it mildly. So with that frustration in mind, this poem was born.

Why Do I Bother

Why do I bother confiding at all,

It’s not like it changes a thing,

Nobody gets why I rise and I fall,

I’m feeling punch drunk in the ring,

Society’s normal is all but a ruse,

Conforming perpetuates stress,

I am who I am, if you can’t handle truth,

You do not belong in my mess.

So do not lay folly, to be there for me,

When darkness descends on my worth,

I know you mean well, but your efforts are trite,

I’m falling through hell on this earth,

I do not pretend to know how you feel,

For I am as helpless as you,

So don’t try to walk a mile in my place,

My life doesn’t fit in your shoe.

As hard as it is, to not understand,

Imagine the pretence for me,

Surrounded by people, advice dripping forth,

On issues they can’t even see,

Frustrated, negated, I cannot express,

How lonely it is in my world,

Struggles all tailored completely for me,

With pockets of torment unfurled.

And yet I protest, I’ve been here before,

A watered down version of truth,

How are you doing? I’m doing just fine,

Such pleasantries ache in the tooth,

Just once I would like to be able to hide,

From people who mean me the best,

Cause where is their wisdom at stupid o’clock,

When depression is crushing my chest.

I cannot move on if I cannot be me,

My soul is too wounded to care,

I’m stuck in regret while the world passes by,

“Be Happy”, is too much to bear,

I stick to the shadows where safety exists,

I’d rather be bland than be bling,

Why do I bother confiding at all,

It’s not like it changes a thing.

© BB - 24 Jan 2021