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Writing As A Form Of Therapy

Writing As A Form Of Therapy

Hi all,

I have found throughout the course of my life that writing has been a constant companion to me. It has provided me with a way to vent my frustrations, to grapple with the eternal verities of life that confound and delight me, to explore ideas and concepts, and to try to put into words the often chaotic moods and thoughts that result from having a mind that's a little bit odd...

I have written lots of poems, especially in the last 3 or 4 years, dealing with depression and bipolar. They help me to process and understand some of the things that are happening in this twisted little noodle of mine. As such, writing has become one of my main forms of therapy.

One of the best things that I find about writing is that it can act as a kind of mood diary. I can read things that I had previously written, and it will quite often map out where I was at during the time of writing. The words I spread across the page act as signposts of my progress, too. As my self knowledge increases and my life journey progresses, I find that it affects how I write and what I write...

Often, we do not see the thousands of tiny little changes to our selves that our life experiences cause over the years. It can be very helpful to re-read old writings, in order to see how far we have come, what we have improved, where we have fallen back into old harmful habits, and the things that we have learned.

The language that we use in our writings and in our thoughts and in our speech is very important. It can reveal a lot about our selves, our states of mind, and our moods...

That language, it can become a self-fulfilling prophecy. I believe that we attract certain kinds of people around us, and create (or at least influence) life situations based on our choice of language. It helps define who we are as a person.

Negative thinking, self-deprecation, self-hatred, these sorts of dangerous life traps are often revealed in our choice of words. So too are the positive things. It all starts with a glass. How we describe the glass and the quantity and quality of its contents, that's where language comes into it, and it can shape our very lives and the lives of those around us.

Writing... it is my solace and my main tool of self-analysis. It is my favourite form of therapy...

2932 replies

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In response to: Writing As A Form Of Therapy

Re: Writing As A Form Of Therapy

Am I being arrogant?
Rude, obstinantly failing another plan
Or am I overcoming difficulties,
are my troubles over or at least temporarily at a stand?

Is treachery aparant?
Trouble and tension lending a willing hand
Is it too much for me to wake,
and take in the beauty of change in a different land?

I am not vagrant
My home stands solidly upon my own land
Could these disputes in my head
be a possible way to help me understand?

I have sufficient
everything I need to carry out my plan
Except for nerobiological stability
and security in my 'I can'.

In response to: Writing As A Form Of Therapy

Re: Writing As A Form Of Therapy

To live in the moment you must let each moment die...

In response to: Writing As A Form Of Therapy

Poem - A Circle in the Mirror is Still a Circle

A Circle in the Mirror is Still a Circle

The lines on my face are a measure of all I have learned,
The scars on my soul are a treasure from how life has burned,
The straight line meeting itself is the full circle turned;
In a hall full of mirrors, there's nowhere left to hide,
Eyes open, eyes closed, it's up to me to decide,
In returning to life, I reflect on all that by necessity has died.

I've stopped trying to be something I'm not,
Or something that I'll never be again;
Reaching for the unreachable started the rot,
A habit and culture driving me insane.

I am at peace with being in pieces,
I am whole despite this bottomless inner hole,
I no longer mind having lost my mind;
This is the path where inner conflict ceases,
This process of soothing my self-ravaged soul,
This journey of opening eyes that for so long were blind.

In response to: Poem - A Circle in the Mirror is Still a Circle

Poem - Romeo Sits Down to Break His Fast

Giggle... inspired by Romeo and Juliet...

Original:

But soft, what light through yonder window breaks?
It is the east, and Juliet is the sun.
Arise, fair sun, and k.ill the envious moon,
Who is already sick and pale with grief
That thou, her maid, art far more fair than she.
Romeo And Juliet Act 2, scene 2, 2-6

--------------------------------------------------------

Romeo Sits Down to Break His Fast

Boiled soft, what egg through yonder window breaks?
It is to eat, and duly it is for fun.
Arise, fair yolk, and spill onto waiting spoon,
Who is already sick and pale with hunger beyond belief
That thou, clumsy maid, hath dropped fair egg meant for me.

In response to: Writing As A Form Of Therapy

Re: Writing As A Form Of Therapy

@Silenus you need to have your works published. You are outstanding and I love how your poetry speaks to me. From an appreciative fan

In response to: Re: Writing As A Form Of Therapy

Re: Writing As A Form Of Therapy

Wow @Sans911. What a wonderful thing to say. Thank you so very much for your kind words.

I write what I write in order to try and make sense of this crazy mind of mine,
Truth be told, it's part passion part compulsion, these words forming line by line;
The fact that someone else gets meaning and worth from it is a gift beyond measure,
To know that one is not alone in this life is indeed something to treasure.

Haha... I've actually self-published a book of poetry and a book of philosophical musings, back in 2015. It was the realisation and culmination of a decades-long dream of mine to be a published writer.

The books plopped into the global pond that is the Internet, and sank without a trace. I sold a grand total of 3 print copies of each book to family members, none of whom have read them. That made me sad for a while, but then I realised what my reasons had been for writing those books...

I didn't write those books to become a famous author or to sell books... I wrote those books to get the words out of my head, and to try to make sense of my own life journey, my moods, my thoughts, my beliefs and my values... the title of this thread that I started says it all... Writing As A Form Of Therapy...

So... mission accomplished, despite the lacklustre sales... hahaha...

I have almost finished a second book of poetry for self-publishing, and am working on a bunch of other things. My writing is really a very great pleasure and creative outlet in my life, especially after I joined a local writers group a few months back. That was the first time that I had ever engaged with other writers, and for them to appreciate my writing was quite as big an honour as the honour you have bestowed on me with your kind reply. Thank you again.

I have been busily writing... I have lots of projects on the go at the moment... a fantasy trilogy (I've written a couple of hundred pages, and almost as many pages of planning notes), a soon-to-be-world-record-breaking story written in a form of constrained writing called Pilish (I've got 3,400-odd words to go to break the world record of 10,000 words), a steampunk novel that's a bit of a genre mash in the first person detective style, an epic fantasy poem that's about 30 pages long so far, and a bunch of other stuff as well...

The hardest part is finding the time, as I am working full time at the moment doing boring old technical writing of risk analysis business cases, user manuals and work instructions... hahaha... at least I get paid for that part of my writing... giggle...

Once again, thank you @Sans911. It's lovely to meet you. Hugs and happy vibes beaming to you. 🙂

In response to: Re: Writing As A Form Of Therapy

Re: Writing As A Form Of Therapy

It is a fine line...

When you have mental health issues, there is a line that you very often have to look at, and decide whether or not to cross.

The line is all about whether or not you try to apply logic and reason to your current mental state or issue. Sometimes, applying reason is the thing that makes the problem go away. Other times, applying reason is the thing that drives you even further into madness.

I have two kinds of mental health issues. One exists firmly in the realm of reason. The other does not.

When something definite triggers me, then I can start to apply the tools from my Logic Toolbox. I can poke and prod and analyse and get to the root of the cause. I can apply whatever technique seems most appropriate (CBT, etc.).

When there is absolutely no rhyme or reason to whatever I am feeling or experiencing or thinking, then applying logic or reason to it is very counterproductive. The more I try to apply reason to it, the more frustrated I become. I start to feel that I am not doing it right, or am not good enough, and that it is my fault that I am not able to find the root cause of my current issues. This then starts a spiral either downwards or out of control, and further exacerbates the problem.

So, there is the line. Do I apply reason and logic, or do I just simply accept what I am going through and ride it out?

In the early days of my mental health journey, when it was all about growing in awareness and trying to understand what made me tick and tock, mostly it was about reason and logic. What was I actually feeling? What had caused me to feel this way? What things from my past had led to this? What patterns were I repeating? What steps could I take to challenge my current thoughts or mental state? What "more helpful" thing could I replace my current malformed coping mechanisms with?

That sounds like textbook CBT to me, and it's great for taking those baby steps when there is a definite root cause to one's issues.

After a while (in my case, about 5 or 6 years), if you are lucky and successful enough in your own personal wellness strategies, you get to a point where you have managed to identify a decent number of your more harmful triggers and bad life patterns. You may even have dug into your childhood memories and experiences and had a few "A-ha!" moments that help to make much sense of what is going on in your present time.

Once I got to that point, I was able to build my resilience and my strength to the point where I could deal with most of the things that my oddball head and heart threw my way - all of the thoughts and emotions that used to send me spiralling out of control were merely things of great interest to be observed and learned from. They lost much of their power to affect me negatively.

And yet, still there exists the other side of the line... those times when my mental state has absolutely nothing to do with my current circumstances... no triggers... no patterns... just bat-poo crazy hitting me from out of the blue like a bolt of lightning...

Trying to apply reason and logic to that is not at all helpful. Instead, I just have to grit my teeth and last it out. Accept and experience it... be mindful... be the watcher within... meditate... or go and hide somewhere safe until it blows over (sometimes that's all you can do to survive it)...

There is an art to knowing when to do what. It comes from experience and a growing self awareness.

As far as my mental health goes, I don't think that I am getting better. However, I do think that I am getting better at it.

When I look back to my position of relative ignorance 10-odd years ago, oh my... so many bad life choices... so much harmful behaviour... so much collateral damage both to myself and to those around me...

I still stuff up, make mistakes, turn left instead of right, make the wrong choices, fly off the handle, fall into a screaming heap... hahaha... hey, that's life after all, and it's totally normal and natural...

But in the process of doing all of that, I have learned to make fewer mistakes, especially fewer of the really big bad mistakes that have lots of nasty consequences. I hope to improve even more in the years to come, as I walk the line between sane and loopy...

In response to: Re: Writing As A Form Of Therapy

Re: Writing As A Form Of Therapy

This bit follow Proclivity.

New love and danger

Even with just the very first stage of lock down, a place the size of Sydney had become a maze of blocked tunnels. The filtration had completed, it was discovered that over fifty percent of living energy forms were of the devolved consciousness of Rhynios descendants. Sixty five percent of all existing tunnels and Core Scrapers had to be locked-down, Earth initiated the first stage of manipulating her magma veins to be incorporated with hi-tech thermal electric devices. The heat of the magma would generate the electricity needed to power the ‘Graphene Shields’.

Graphene is a wonder material. It's the thinnest electronic material ever invented, consisting of a layer of carbon atoms just a single atom thick -- the atoms are arranged in a hexagonal pattern. It weighs almost nothing, coming in at only 0.77 grams for a square meter. But it's no lightweight. Graphene is 100 times stronger than steel of the same thickness. It conducts both heat and electricity better than copper, and has outstanding optical and mechanical properties.

Each shield was virtually impenetrable and each ‘block’ was a thousand shields thick. Every atom had the ability of drawing the heat from the magma and propelling it like a bullet, as it could propel the electricity the heat created. All atoms combined to form an optical device that could ‘see’ in every direction, this would enable Red and the Global protection societies, to view both inside and out of all blocked areas.

Finally, although feeling as if she were in a surreal realm, Niqua was waiting for Red at the Port safety shelter. He was due to arrive! Her breath had been stolen, the air around her shone with a bright light, she was sure she was about to pass out – and then, like a vision within a dream, she saw a familiar form; These broad shoulders stood out from everyone else, she recognized every strand of the shoulder length, wavy, midnight hair, that peeped out of his heat shield cape.

Her freezing fear melted, she pushed her way through the crowd, to reach the rail that greeted incoming travelers as they entered the shelter. She was experiencing a delusional determination to be the first to see the falling of his heat-cape hood; the first to see his face back on land. She had spent an inordinate amount of time plating golden ribbons through her dreadlocks that morning, she had even fussed with make-up and agonized over ‘what to wear’!

She had chosen a burnt orange long sleeved shirt and pants suit, loose flowing and silk. With citrine and amber beading forming a Sun pattern on her chest, and the same beads forming flame patterns climbing up from her wrists and ankles. For a hide-away hermit she had definitely created a look that would stand out in a crowd! As the immensely thick lead-laden door slid open, a blinding light shone through; catching every facet of every bead on Niquas outfit and turning her into a glittering ray of sunlight!

Even before Red pulled down his hood, he turned his head in her direction. Had he also recognized a familiar form, within his own sparkling mist of imagination? The lead door shut, the fire-like glitter faded – but Reds eyes gleamed like emeralds. He stood stock-still and speechless, holding up the line of disgruntled service men and passengers. It felt like an entity outside her own body called out his name, when he responded with her own it was not intoned with question, but sublime surprise and ultimate joy.

Niqua had overcome her fear to reach the rail, Red, a bold brave bulk of man, simply pushed sideways through the one directional mobile mob to reach her. Although there were the inevitable grumbles and groans from the exhausted crowd, the majority willingly parted the way, with a smile of the instinctive knowledge that new love was blossoming. No rail, no matter how strong, was going to stop these two souls from touching.

A week of insanity came to a fevered pitch as they clung to each other over the rail, instead of feeling faint, Niqua had never felt so conscious! The realization hit her like a sledge hammer – she was so in love with this man. Unlike Niqua, Red had known within himself for many months now, but had seen no signs that his feelings were reciprocated. With his emotional courage boosted, his actions were automatic.

He released his grip just enough to kiss her, and when he felt his hunger for love returned, he kissed deeper. An emotional dam had burst, to the whooping cheer of the crowd around them. But not even new love can halt the policies and procedures of disembarking for long; a security officer tapped Red on the shoulder, and with red flushed cheeks, told him that unfortunately, he’d have to move along!

With Red forced to move on, Niquas courage faded and she reverted to her frozen, looney state. Shakalee had been patiently waiting a few rows back, she moved forward then and continued her guiding duties. Before too long the guru guide was bidding both Niqua and Red ‘Good-luck and Good-bye’, as she handed Red a mud-map to Niquas pre-booked Core room. Amongst the ooze of new love, Red hardly notices the changes in the tunnels they took to return to the room.

As they enter the room, as if guided by some super-conscious notion, Niqua moves immediately to the wine bottle and pops the cork. They both drink far too quickly to savour the vintage of the brew, and the magic of the potion works just as quick! They tumble in a twist of passionate limbs and souls, kissing and touching with veracious velocity. . . and the scene fades to a mystical sparkling of sweat on naked skin.

It is 3am in the morning, neither Red nor Niqua have really slept, they are exhausted. Chocolate for breakfast, they’ll need a burst of energy to get the gruelling return journey started. When Niqua arrived her mind had been a complete muddle, she had not realized that it had taken Shakalee three-quarters of an hour to guide her to her room. The Sydney to Broken Hill tunnel train would depart at 4.30am, but both of them were extremely anxious to return to their home Core.

Trudging through the tunnels had the effect of emotionally putting their feet back on the ground. Niqua relayed the surface travel trauma of Broken Hill, and her fears of what Doctor‘C’ had told her. Luckily Red was well travelled, as the route to the train tunnels had been blocked and hastily diverted in many places. They had to sprint through the Port safety shelter to reach their specific train on time.

Once on board they were able to relax, snuggling in their booth, finally they both slept. Red was first to awaken, to a feeling of impending danger. He had noticed the changes in the Sydney tunnels during the trip to the train; nearly three quarters of the place had been blocked! With the brief information Niqua had given him, he realized how fine the line of successful return really was. He knew the travel across the surface of Broken Hill would be the clincher.

For an hour he gazed at the new love nestling in the crook of his shoulder, marvelling at the freely given approval of being able to drape his arm about her. And then she woke, her eyes beamed the fear of upcoming danger into his soul. His muscles tensed instinctively, he would shield and protect her – he would get her home! Despite the intense anxiety of the moment, he smiled down at her; the beam was broken and replaced by the sparkle of love.

They had successfully slept eight of the thirteen hours to Broken Hill, only five hours to go. Red began telling a few tales of his own, he had been across the entire continent of Australia and on a submarine trip to New Zealand; though it was only on the return trip from New Zealand that certain changes had been noticed. Niqua knew that that was because, it was during that trip that the ‘shut-down’ had begun.

Red stopped speaking mid-sentence, as he felt a squirming movement above his left breast! In his own unique way Adelo was showing his approval of the new union, his ‘bedroom pocket’ had gotten too hot whilst pressed between them both. So he had moved into Red’s top-left shirt pocket, at least until Niqua was properly awake; with a flick of his tail he now effortlessly bounced back to his own ‘home-base’.

They all shared a meal and freshened-up within the on-train facilities. Before their minds were truly ready for it, the announcer was going through the new procedures for disembarking. “The attendants are currently handing out concentrated iodine fluid and tablets. Please ensure you consume the entirety of these substances before disembarking the train. It is imperative that you move immediately to your designated safe-shelter or Surface-van, and follow all instructions received upon your arrival.”

This was going to be the last surfacing of their lives, for entirely Human reasons they wanted to enjoy it. But that was not to be. Before they even reached the exit, as if the external atmosphere had grown strong and bold enough to reach in and attack; Niqua succumb to the nauseating unconscious state, caused by the super-heated radiation of the surface. As he had not yet faced one of the land-posters displaying the procedure involved in such events, Red pretended not to know and gently lifted Niqua over his shoulder.

He did not sprint, but he definitely broke the pace of walking. Passengers were dropping like flies all around him. Many of their capes flew open as they did so, within seconds there was nothing but bones to cover. Their flesh did not flame and burn, it was more a mirage, the area around their bodies shimmered and was distorted to sight – a few fleeting seconds of this and they became bleached white bones, touched by the ash of their heat-shield capes.

Red could not think of helping them, he could not think at all. It was fated luck for Niqua and himself, that the Broken-Hill surface van was situated directly outside the tunnel exit door. The simple act of stumbling led Red, carrying Niqua, straight into it! A reinforced, lead-laden door slid open, and he fell in. These vans had been up-graded in the near two weeks since Niqua had last used one.

These upgrades were essential, thousands of passengers had died when they dared travel over the surface. The doors had been designed to open automatically upon touch, with the added security of being able to be locked from the inside. There had also been additional radiation protection added to the entire shielding of both wagons and Camel-shields. Carbon Graphite infused Graphene had been hastily developed and employed in a last-ditch effort for surface safety.

It was not fated luck that shut the doors, that was also an automatic setting. Red had already fallen unconscious, and it was little Adelo that triggered the door lock. The Camels were trained to begin the return journey after four minutes of waiting, but there was something wrong. The Camel team was supposed to be changed over, they were not expected to repeat the gruelling surface trip twice in a row. But no-one had come.

So the hardy beasts began the slug of the hour long return trip, having only rested for four minutes. They had not drunk nor eaten, and they had never attempted a second trip. But these were creatures of Cyanos line, filtered and true. They were working on a super-conscious instinct, this was the last hope for theirs and their passenger’s survival. The end of surface bound existence was near and the race for core-level shelter had begun.

When Red awoke, it was to the insistent beeping and rapid flashing of red lights. Niqua moaned softly, vomited, and opened her eyes. Adelo, as if waiting for his cue, began throwing himself at a leap, towards the door handle of a little cabinet marked ‘radiation prevention’. Red gathered enough wits about him to notice the radiation indicator level was at 78 percent and rising.

In response to: Re: Writing As A Form Of Therapy

Re: Writing As A Form Of Therapy

Good morning, @Silenus. I just happened to find this post of yours and relate to what you say. Especially the parts about being overcome by various manifestations of mental illness, without apparent reason. I remember a time when I used to really try to get to the bottom of every problem. I was determined to 'find the solutions'. But I could conjure so many different reasons for troubled feelings, they almost cancelled each other out, or drove me further into the problems. I too think, perhaps especially with bipolar, there are just lots of times when our brain chemicals are out of whack for no reason. For me, with medication, these times are less intense than they used to be, but still intense enough to spell trouble.

Lately, for example, I have been getting extremely bored and panicked at feeling that way so much. I probably do have too little to do with the minutes and hours of my daily life at present. On the other hand, if I fill my life up too much I usually fall down like a house of cards with the stress of demands. I find it very hard to strike a balance between these things in an ongoing way. In rational reality, I am very lucky to have an artistic passion that has been a personal lifeline through my decades of illness so far. However, it doesn't fill up all my time. I walk on the beach as often as I can, engage with groups and activities in a semi-regular way. I visit and am visited by friends. But at present at least, it is still leaving lots of hours every day when I really have nothing to do.

My companion (C) is a Taoist. He says to be filled, we allow ourselves to be empty. I like the sound of it, and it relaxed me in my bored panic on waking this morning to hear it. In this light, my times of boredom and times of engagement appear like the waves of the ocean, flowing in and out, empty, full, high tide and low.

For me, this was the most striking sentence in your post this morning, and rang very true:

"As far as my mental health goes, I don't think that I am getting better. However, I do think that I am getting better at it."

Yes, I have got better overall at mental health too. But, like you, I don't think the underlying condition has changed much at all. Perhaps that is the nature of bipolar (thought to have strong biological underpinnings), and some other mental health problems as well.

Good travels to you, @Silenus, and to anyone else reading.

Edit: hi, @Former-Member, just saw your post after posting mine. Lovely to meet you here this morning. Sending love.

In response to: Re: Writing As A Form Of Therapy

Re: Writing As A Form Of Therapy

Hi @Former-Member. I hope you don't mind, but I've trawled back through the past 20 or so pages of this thread and gathered together all of the segments from your Being Earth story. Wow! 40 A4 pages so far. You've been busy.

I'm going to read it all tonight. Having a nice quiet night with the fire roaring to keep the cold outside at bay.

Hugs and happy vibes beaming your way. 🙂

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