New to bipolar

Hi @Silenus

thank you for sharing so much about yourself, your hurt and your way to where you are now. I feel with you about the bullying and parents that are not "available" due to whatever reason. I understand your vendetta mask.

If I have to think of one word that has been taken from me - it was my innocence. My life was full of wonder, I was a very mindful child and even young adult. I connected deeply and felt strongly. I am not ready to share my story and I have not shared it yet with my psych. I am not ready to open pandora's box. There is a series of traumatic events that have chipped away at my innocence and I am still scared of the consequences when opening up - the consequences in my own head. It is so difficult to explain and at the moment I decided to just learn to trust my care team. I understand now that step 1 in trauma recovery is feeling safe and trusting the person who is helping you. And I have to wait for my mood to stabilise a little, as my brain does weird things to me when I get upset.

I thank you for giving me hope that there is a future.

I learned about my illness by being forced into a psychiatric ward, with police escort.

I had been exibiting erratic behavior and my parents believed I was coming unhinged so they called my psychiatrist and they came to my house the next day. I didnt want to go. But they would have used force if necessary. I was absolutely pissed when i got there and was a unpleasent to say the least for my first stay there. But i got a diagnosis of Bipolar. Put on a mood stabilizer and discharged in about a week and a half.

As soon as I was discharged, I ditched the meds. Went back to the way I was living and six months later, had another forced psychiatric visit to the local hospital.

This cycle continued for awhile, many years in fact.

I flatly refused to believe there was anything wrong with me, it was the rest of the world that had a problem not me. But time and time again I found myself stuck in the hospital.

Eventually, I accepted the fact I have a problem, but it took more than 5 years to get there and multiple hospital visits.

I lost alot. My job, my fiancee, most of my friendships, my self esteem..

I had to go on antidepressents in order to not be bed bound for the majority of the day.

I even thought about suicide, more than once.

But it gets better or I think i just readjusted my life to its new conditions.

It could be alot worse and with medication, most of the time I am my regular old self again.

My best piece of advice I can give you, is work with your doctors, listen to them, take the medications they give you, don't waste the years I did fighting the acceptance part of my diagnosis.

Hi Taylor77,

I understand what you are saying and I agree with most of it. I would like to offer my persoective which is not necessarily right. The perspective of a fellow sufferer. The psychosis I experienced was related to me taking drugs, over 35 years ago but, fortunately, I discontinued the drugs before it could become a permanent problem. However, I do have experience of it.

Yes, it is important to recognise that we are somehow different from so called normal people and that our moods and symptoms do need to be attended to. That we need to work on our problems.

As far as listening to the doctors all of the time, I do not know if I agree with that. I had to find the "right doctors" to listen too. GPs prescribing drugs can be a danger because they are not well trained in the area of mental disorders. A good psychiatrist can be good but not all. And of course psychologists, while they do not prescribe drugs, they are good at contributing to an understanding of symptoms and what disorder it may be for the best course of action.

They say that early intervention is the best but being dragged to a psychiatric hospital by the police is not nice, it can be very traumatic and it can add to the problems. Have a look at the Open DIalogue Method of Finalnd and what they do with yong people who experience first time psychosis.

Medication? Yes, some need it for life while others can learn to live without it. It all depends. I see medication as a pair of cratches: some need them to walk while others need them for a while and then learn to walk without them. I am the latter.

I too was hospitalised a few times in my younger years, and I too have tried most of the medication on the market. Today I am medication free, but I continue to go to therapy and with therapy I have learned how to stay well, how to ensure that I sleep when I am hypo, and that I exercise and eat good food for my condition.

Yes, there is food for bipolar, the right food that helps us. Will try to post something on Bipolar Nutrition.

Just my perspective I offered here and not necessarily right, the perspective of a fellow sufferer. But your advice is very good Tylor77, in my humble opinion, and your message very valuable: don't take your symptoms and moods lightly, if not controlled they can be a real problem for yourself and others.

Thanks @theaveragejoe

Glad to hear your managing without meds. That gives me hope.

Yeah, your right about being careful with the doctors. I suppose I came across as blind obedience like...

Its good to be here.

Bipolar Nutrition you say? That does sound interesting...

Hi @Former-Member. Just dropping by with a hug and a hope that all is well with you. 🙂