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why can't I cope longer?

Unknown userMember09 Jan 2019, 10:22 pm AEDT

why can't I cope longer?

Something's not right alright... Not sure why I'm falling to pieces atm and short of listening ears. Hope someone here can put up with me.

I'm walking in circles at home... well, not literally, just can't seem to stay focused or finish anything... if I can even remember what it is I got out of the chair to do half the time...

And snappy with people, everywhere, rude even (which is so out of character for me), the slightest hint of being 'had' or criticised or misunderstood... oh boy, I just can't keep it in atm. The internal pressure cooker wants to explode & I don't know how to stop it.

I'm at the crossroads in life, moving and deciding if to bother starting again, or just quit on life / die.

And what's scary about that lately, is the thought of it doesn't make me scared anymore - like its just what I'm supposed to do. Do you think God would factor in a premature departure (suicide / depression?) like he accepts other illnesses that separate spirit & body?

Its just those kinds of dark thoughts, but not like crisis level or that, just trying to find my way, or other alternatives, something to look fwd to.... to keep me here. I can't see a future worth living & don't feel the internal resources keep fighting.

Don't tell me to run off & get antidepressants... I'm on them. Or psychotherapy - that's in progress... I think maybe I just want to be heard. Not changedchanged (disapproved of)... just cared about... Is that too much to ask from life? Oh I know God loves me and all that, but I still live on earth...

Do you know what I'm trying to say?Does anyone ever feel this way? I just feel so totally spent - the end of the line... ... ...

My two church supports are away at the moment, not that I lean on them heavy, I'm just conscious there gone...

Ha! Horrible feeling like the only close people in ya life need to take a holiday away from you, well, maybe some of the others I notice they have to deal with more, none the less - feeling abandoned 😞

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In response to: why can't I cope longer?

Unknown userMember16 Feb 2019, 10:37 pm AEDT

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Hi beautiful friends. How's sleep & work @Zoe7 ? Would it help if I told you mouse was playing possum and ran off unnoticed?

@Appleblossom , I love that you have such a colourful life and care so well for your son. You'd adults withdraw ing is always concerning. Parenting is not for the faint hearted.

How are you going @BryanaCamp , @Former-Member @mufasa

My friends are distant, and family are invisible. Really hard to find my place in the world. Think I'll end up living in my car. Applied for public housing but its a 5-10yr wait for this area 😕 how stupid is that! Don't really want to live away from supports services in a country town. Just so confused.

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Zoe7Senior Contributor17 Feb 2019, 10:29 am AEDT

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Hi @Former-Member Slept most of the weekend so far. Work is going well but it is tiring - so glad I am only working 4 days - could not manage 5 days - still managing to go to DBT and appointments but that may need to finish soon too - not sure I can continue to do that and work too. Going to discuss it with my pdoc closer to the end of this current module.

That is such a ridiculous wait for public housing - so sorry that you are in this position @Former-Member It is no wonder you are feeling confused - you need the support and can only get that where you are but that may mean you living in your car - that is super hard

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

AppleblossomSenior Contributor17 Feb 2019, 8:30 pm AEDT

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Oooohhhh @Former-Member That is a long wait.

A car in the autumn before it gets cold might be alright to save a little up so that you could pay a bond or something.

Sorry that your options are so limited atm. Hope things improve. They might be able to find a place sooner but are trying to manage expectations ... I dont know. Hugs Now and whenever you need them.

I really like the colour in your pic. The red and yellow and blotches ... yeah I bet most hearts get a few blotches over time .... Never mind ... they are still human beating hearts.

Take Care

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Unknown userMember18 Feb 2019, 8:30 pm AEDT

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Thanks for your empathy & encouragement @Appleblossom & @Zoe7. Nobody in real life seems to 'get it' how scared I am, to be alone without a home, roaming... I'm almost done packing and filled my tiny 1×2m storage locker. Bit sick of it but its also a good time to declutter, which slows me down but better for later.
Made some cool fish paddy for dinner. Stuffed it with coleslaw & spice. So needed that good feed
Hope we all have a good week. xox

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Zoe7Senior Contributor18 Feb 2019, 8:36 pm AEDT

Re: why can't I cope longer?

It is extremely scary the thought of being homeless and having to sleep in your car @Former-Member and you have your fur baby to look after as well I really hope something comes up for you soon and you can both have somewhere to call home. It is not the ideal way to declutter and I wish that it wasn't the case for you. I have everything crossed that you will find somewhere @Former-Member

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Unknown userMember18 Feb 2019, 8:51 pm AEDT

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Thanks @Zoe7 🙂

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

AppleblossomSenior Contributor18 Feb 2019, 9:34 pm AEDT

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Sounds like a healthy yum meal @Former-Member

Wish things were better.

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Unknown userMember24 Feb 2019, 10:38 pm AEDT

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Thanks @Zoe. And @Aopleblossom. Have you, or known anyone whose lived in their car?

I'm flat today, back pain doesn't help.
Know its likely depression talking but it really feels like my life is over, and nature's just gotta take its course rather than me helping it. Not logical though, to fight the inevitable...
but somehow we must...
Somehow...
For something...
Stupid! Hw do we fight on when there's nothing holding us here?
Rather then throwing me pills and emergency numbers... Can someone please tell me why I should stay?

Maybe deep down someone cares about me, maybe, was just told someone special has booked a plane to visit on my Birthday in a month, so that's nice.

But im So tired. Been in bed all day - 24hrs now, just not well.
Cooler weather is nice though

Probably should venture out of this thread... gets some tips

Maybe tomorrow...

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

AppleblossomSenior Contributor24 Feb 2019, 10:53 pm AEDT

Re: why can't I cope longer?

@Former-Member Hi

I am really hoping you dont have to go to living in your car. It becomes hard to look "work-ready" when living in a car.

I have been homeless, and known people in all sorts of living situations, from living in tents, going to Nimbin, caravans weird share houses etc.

That was all a long time ago. I managed my accomodation fairly early on, put it first, cos we all need that security. Atm I am very secure in some ways but insecure in others (long story - not relevant)

I am watching some videos on psychology, transformation etc.

He is not flashy but I think he has a handle on the issues and makes good points.

Cant figure out the link button atm

Its called

Vital Mind Psychology

Take Care

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Unknown userMember24 Feb 2019, 11:50 pm AEDT

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Thanks @Appleblossom,

Your so life experienced

Got my first ever rental knock back Friday, everyone lies

How to you find your way in a world if deception. The trouble I went to to to apply, and the personal disclosures... only because they said "pets on app" then changed their mind...

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