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Something’s not right

why can't I cope longer?

why can't I cope longer?

Something's not right alright... Not sure why I'm falling to pieces atm and short of listening ears. Hope someone here can put up with me.

I'm walking in circles at home... well, not literally, just can't seem to stay focused or finish anything... if I can even remember what it is I got out of the chair to do half the time...

And snappy with people, everywhere, rude even (which is so out of character for me), the slightest hint of being 'had' or criticised or misunderstood... oh boy, I just can't keep it in atm. The internal pressure cooker wants to explode & I don't know how to stop it.

I'm at the crossroads in life, moving and deciding if to bother starting again, or just quit on life / die.

And what's scary about that lately, is the thought of it doesn't make me scared anymore - like its just what I'm supposed to do. Do you think God would factor in a premature departure (suicide / depression?) like he accepts other illnesses that separate spirit & body?

Its just those kinds of dark thoughts, but not like crisis level or that, just trying to find my way, or other alternatives, something to look fwd to.... to keep me here. I can't see a future worth living & don't feel the internal resources keep fighting.

Don't tell me to run off & get antidepressants... I'm on them. Or psychotherapy - that's in progress... I think maybe I just want to be heard. Not changedchanged (disapproved of)... just cared about... Is that too much to ask from life? Oh I know God loves me and all that, but I still live on earth...

Do you know what I'm trying to say?Does anyone ever feel this way? I just feel so totally spent - the end of the line... ... ...

My two church supports are away at the moment, not that I lean on them heavy, I'm just conscious there gone...

Ha! Horrible feeling like the only close people in ya life need to take a holiday away from you, well, maybe some of the others I notice they have to deal with more, none the less - feeling abandoned 😞

2720 replies

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In response to: why can't I cope longer?

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Oh dear @Former-Member Lucky I am around this morning to remind you lol I wouldn't bother getting dressed though - would go out in my jammies

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Re: why can't I cope longer?

@Former-Member Hope they managed to leave your groceries earlier. 💕💜💕

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Just a quick flyby. @Zoe7 @Maggie @ Nearly ready for my roadtrip to Sydney (4hrs). Put home delivery groceries away and Just had brunch + pills and having rest as get syncope after eating, and. Really stress getting out the door these days. Gotta take furbaby so will plan o/n sleep in the car since Sydney contacts problematic. Be good to see dad, and get my mail, oh, that has to be before 5pm, better get a move on - tske take that shower. Take care today, feel better 💗

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Drive safely Hon - take breaks when you need to and give little Georgia a walk @Former-Member Sleeping in the car does not sound ideal but with Georgia with you I get it - I would do the same if I had Toby with me. Hugs Hon. Let us know when you arrive

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Re: why can't I cope longer?

safe travels @Former-Member , thinking of you lots

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Drive safely @Former-Member 💜💕

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Yep, I did it 😁 Made it to Sydney, bedded down in my car and trying to go to sleep. Had to take analgesia for back and hip pain, still waiting for it to kick in 2am. Thought I'd Betta let you know I made it ok. Left my place 2pm & arrived Sydney 5:30, which is pretty good considering all the roadworks. Grabbed a coffee @ a dog friendly cafe, then visited dad with munchies. Dad was already in bed (6pm) but in good spirits and shaved etc. Seemed more alert, and talkative - if he could just find those words 😞 Not sure he knew who I was... but the heart familiarity was there. He called Georgia dog up onto the bed and they had a good cuddle. Bought him a chicken kebab on a stick... he didnt want it but enjoyed feeding Georgia a piece at a time, actually, every second one went in his mouth - that was cute. I left dad round 8pm, had coffee with a friend who was happy for me to sleep in her backyard... in the car of cause - I have a spring mattress now, it's reeeeeealy comfe. Brang Georgia's bed and she's snoring beside me. Its really quiet here, for Sydney, but feels safe, actually feels like I'm on camp. So wish I had my Kidz with me doing this stuff - didn't really happen all those years of dv & family court struggles.

Driving far - theres a lot of time to think driving on on my own... had a few tears, but on the whole, driving is great... really love the countryside, the rolling hills, and cattle, lots of little lambs along the way today, aww, but I especially love high country, the blue mountains, the bellbirds, trees and quaint roadside shops... makes me feel alive.

Georgia dog is behaving..., especially amazing as I didn't stop once 😯 (she's happy if she can see me).

Anyway, thanks for the well wishes @ Maggie @@ @ zoe7 ... helps that you're here for me.

Hope you're starting to feel better Zoe7? Did ya get to the chemist?

Catch up tomorrow,

Nightynight 😴

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Re: why can't I cope longer?

@Former-Member I liked your country description. Rolling hills, birds, quaint cafes.

Good your safe in a friends backyard, spring mattress Georgia and all. Not sure when you head back, but take it easy.

I went for a drive not long ago with a friend. Green rolling hills, snow on the mountains, so good for the soul.

I hope you get some sleep tonight, and some more time with your dad tomorrow, oops, today. 💜💕💜💕🐶🐶🐶

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Re: why can't I cope longer?

So pleased you have arrived safely @Former-Member Your description of the countryside made me feel like I was there with you - so beautiful Hon

Also glad you have Georgia with you - had a giggle at her snoring beside you. Toby often makes little puppy sounds in his sleep and that is super cute too.

I did make it to the chemist and got some more meds to help with my cold. I felt a lot better yesterday but didn't sleep much last night with my nose blocked so feeling a little worse agaon today. Going to head out to the garage soon though and cut the fence palings so I can get them done today. That will leave tomorrow for planning and footy watching ...and time to relax as well.

Much love to you and hopes that there are some good moments with your Dad. Stay safe and drive home carefully Hon

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Re: why can't I cope longer?

@Former-Member Just have to share this with someone. I just had two silvereye birds in my backyard, about one mtr away. I didn’t take this pic, but they were exactly like this. Made my day.

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