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Something’s not right

why can't I cope longer?

Unknown userMember

why can't I cope longer?

Something's not right alright... Not sure why I'm falling to pieces atm and short of listening ears. Hope someone here can put up with me.

I'm walking in circles at home... well, not literally, just can't seem to stay focused or finish anything... if I can even remember what it is I got out of the chair to do half the time...

And snappy with people, everywhere, rude even (which is so out of character for me), the slightest hint of being 'had' or criticised or misunderstood... oh boy, I just can't keep it in atm. The internal pressure cooker wants to explode & I don't know how to stop it.

I'm at the crossroads in life, moving and deciding if to bother starting again, or just quit on life / die.

And what's scary about that lately, is the thought of it doesn't make me scared anymore - like its just what I'm supposed to do. Do you think God would factor in a premature departure (suicide / depression?) like he accepts other illnesses that separate spirit & body?

Its just those kinds of dark thoughts, but not like crisis level or that, just trying to find my way, or other alternatives, something to look fwd to.... to keep me here. I can't see a future worth living & don't feel the internal resources keep fighting.

Don't tell me to run off & get antidepressants... I'm on them. Or psychotherapy - that's in progress... I think maybe I just want to be heard. Not changedchanged (disapproved of)... just cared about... Is that too much to ask from life? Oh I know God loves me and all that, but I still live on earth...

Do you know what I'm trying to say?Does anyone ever feel this way? I just feel so totally spent - the end of the line... ... ...

My two church supports are away at the moment, not that I lean on them heavy, I'm just conscious there gone...

Ha! Horrible feeling like the only close people in ya life need to take a holiday away from you, well, maybe some of the others I notice they have to deal with more, none the less - feeling abandoned 😞

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In response to: why can't I cope longer?

Zoe7Senior Contributor

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Hiya @Former-Member It seems like you have had a very nice and productive day. Your post was really nice to read tonight.

I have been out to my sister's for dinner - her partner cooked a roast and it was really lovely. Then we watched a bit of tv while our dogs played together - it was very relaxing until they started barking at each other - my Toby is by far the loudest - so much voice for such a little dog lol

It has been a good week. I really like the new school - both the kids and staff are lovely and have been very welcoming. We are still working out what I am doing with some classes but I at least have a timetable of where I am to be and when. Last Tuesday I didn't have that and I felt a little like I was walking into the unknown but as soon as I got there on Thursday morning I was handed the timetable - that made me feel a lot better. I agree with you it will take at least 3 weeks to begin getting used to it all. Tomorrow is a public holiday here so I won't have a full week at work until next week. I am very grateful that I have tomorrow off as I have been unwell over the past 2 days. Feeling much better tonight so hoping it was just a 24 hour bug.

Do you have any plans for the coming week?

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

AppleblossomSenior Contributor

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Hi @Zoe7 @Former-Member @Former-Member @BryanaCamp

Stumbled upon this pic.

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Zoe7Senior Contributor

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Still waiting for image @Appleblossom but will keep coming back to it whilst I am still awake - sleep may not be too far off for me though - starting to get tired here.

How has your day been?

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

AppleblossomSenior Contributor

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Today has been lovely. Thanks @Zoe7 Started late, drove son to CBD, had rehearsal back at old choir, and ate 4 magnum egos ...

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Unknown userMember

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Oh no @Appleblossom, x4 Magnums, yikes! Is that like, you mean the choc icecream? Yum. Glad to hear of lovely days & someone singing in a choir 🙂
Thanks for the legs up image )not heads up lol), definatrly could do with those benefits you mention.

@Zoe7, thanks for your reply post and glad the new school is working out. You sound very experienced and off to a great stat 🙂 WELL DONE! Sleep well tonigh, enjoy your public hol & short week XOX
EOR

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Zoe7Senior Contributor

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Finally saw the image today @Appleblossom - couldn't stay awake waiting for it last night. I think many of us here could try that one - may relieve some of the stress

@Former-Member I have taken a long time to get moving today. I fed my babies and went back to bed - slept for another 3 hours so must have really needed it. Not doing much this afternoon - going to watch some things I recorded and iron some clothes for tomorrow but apart from that a pretty quiet afternoon. Hope you are having some good in your day

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

AppleblossomSenior Contributor

Re: why can't I cope longer?

lol about icecreams @Former-Member

I tried headstands, but that pic looks easier and better for me at my age.

@Zoe7 Never worry about waiting up for pics.

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Zoe7Senior Contributor

Re: why can't I cope longer?

I like to get the pics @Appleblossom and like to be able to support them when I can - couldn't stay awake long enough last night though.

Have had a lazy day here doing a little housework in between watching some things I recorded. Need to do some reading tonight before our after school meeting tomorrow - it is on culture in schools and I actually find it quite interesting so happy to do the reading. Usually it is yet another piece of research on the newest literacy initiative or the latest reasons for data collection so this one is more to my liking. We get swamped with all these contradictory articles over the years and rather than implementing those things that work we are required to constantly change our practice. Whilst change and keeping up with things is good it does not mean that some of the 'old' ways of doing things don't work either - and often the research that is presented to us is very one sided - I suppose it is like that everywhere though.

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

AppleblossomSenior Contributor

Re: why can't I cope longer?

@Zoe7 Hearing you about change being good at times ... and old ways having benefit ...

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Unknown userMember

Re: why can't I cope longer?

What a handy tip @Appleblossom, will definitely give this a go. Hope your week has been lovely so far, even though we are barely into the week yet!

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