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why can't I cope longer?

Unknown userMember09 Jan 2019, 10:22 pm AEDT

why can't I cope longer?

Something's not right alright... Not sure why I'm falling to pieces atm and short of listening ears. Hope someone here can put up with me.

I'm walking in circles at home... well, not literally, just can't seem to stay focused or finish anything... if I can even remember what it is I got out of the chair to do half the time...

And snappy with people, everywhere, rude even (which is so out of character for me), the slightest hint of being 'had' or criticised or misunderstood... oh boy, I just can't keep it in atm. The internal pressure cooker wants to explode & I don't know how to stop it.

I'm at the crossroads in life, moving and deciding if to bother starting again, or just quit on life / die.

And what's scary about that lately, is the thought of it doesn't make me scared anymore - like its just what I'm supposed to do. Do you think God would factor in a premature departure (suicide / depression?) like he accepts other illnesses that separate spirit & body?

Its just those kinds of dark thoughts, but not like crisis level or that, just trying to find my way, or other alternatives, something to look fwd to.... to keep me here. I can't see a future worth living & don't feel the internal resources keep fighting.

Don't tell me to run off & get antidepressants... I'm on them. Or psychotherapy - that's in progress... I think maybe I just want to be heard. Not changedchanged (disapproved of)... just cared about... Is that too much to ask from life? Oh I know God loves me and all that, but I still live on earth...

Do you know what I'm trying to say?Does anyone ever feel this way? I just feel so totally spent - the end of the line... ... ...

My two church supports are away at the moment, not that I lean on them heavy, I'm just conscious there gone...

Ha! Horrible feeling like the only close people in ya life need to take a holiday away from you, well, maybe some of the others I notice they have to deal with more, none the less - feeling abandoned 😞

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In response to: why can't I cope longer?

Zoe7Senior Contributor15 Jan 2021, 4:40 pm AEDT

Re: why can't I cope longer?

There are a lot of similarities between parts of NZ and Tassie @Former-Member 👍

I will start that thread sometime before I go back to work - so probably next week when I am hopefully a bit more 'with it'. Still tired and still not 100% but had my routine blood tests today and back to the GP next week so will see if what is going on then (hopefully). It very well just could be an accumulation of how much I had to push it to get through the end of last year but I am also concerned other previous issues with fatigue especially have re-surfaced. I also have my sleep study coming up so that will no doubt show what we already know.

@Adge wondering how the Yoga has gone too and if you feel any better today

In response to: why can't I cope longer?

AdgeSenior Contributor15 Jan 2021, 8:19 pm AEDT

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Hi @Former-Member & @Zoe7

Your ex saying: "that's life! machines break down" Does Not help at all.

Because it can still be overwhelming or triggering (or both) - especially for someone wit CPTSD or other struggles/ issues to deal with.

Bath/ Shower drain was nearly entirely blocked for about 5 days - 2 treatments of 500g Caustic Soda (1Kg in total) would not clear it.

So I had to resort to the Acid that a Plumber recommended many years ago (for my Iron pipes).

After that it has been flowing through (not backing up into Bath), for the past few days.

It's still partially blocked, or is not completely unblocked (slow flow).

Yet after all that drama, & lack of success (initially) - I could not be bothered doing anything else to it.

It still need another Acid treatment - to clear it completely.

Yes it was lovely to have my Yoga classes back on again - Restoring a bit of Comforting Routine.

I was actually More Sore & Achy, after the class.

I am hoping the extra achiness (sore back) is temporary - I Really Need Relief, after about 7 days of Bad back pain (& very sore tummy too).

Adge

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Zoe7Senior Contributor15 Jan 2021, 8:25 pm AEDT

Re: why can't I cope longer?

I do feel your pain @Adge having to deal with both of those things at once at times for days Great though that you had your first Yoga session back today - not surprised it has left you feeling worse - it has been ages since you have been able to do your yoga.

Semi good news about the drain - a little bit of flow is better than backing up

Hi @Former-Member Hoping you have had some good in your day too Hon

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

AdgeSenior Contributor15 Jan 2021, 8:48 pm AEDT

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Thanks @Zoe7 Yep, a partial win with that drain (for the time being).

Too much pain seems to be physically draining/ exhausting.

Because I've been a lot more tired/ fatigued - With sore back (ouchy) & sore tummy.

The Diffuser Light Does Attract like a Bug Zapper @Former-Member I've been mesmerized by the Light - Ever since I got the New/ Replacement Diffuser working (yesterday afternoon).

No you would not expect a Treadmill malfunction, after only 7 days.

The local Chemist today said "Apply for Every/ Any Job - & Bluff my Way through Interviews” - When I have never worked in that Industry Before.

Fine, if it gave me Better Workable Options (maybe) – Yet my search & applications have already been Broad, & as Inclusive as I can manage.

I’ve found that when Interviewed for Retail Jobs that I had not done before (no experience) – They simply told me that “I was over-qualified”, or that “I lacked the experience”.

Then they ruled me out – every time.

So to Apply for Jobs that I have no experience for (or am considered unsuitable for) - Seems a terrible waste of energy & time.

It did not work, didn't help me (in the past) - & I don't think I have that time or energy to spare.

Adge

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Zoe7Senior Contributor15 Jan 2021, 9:07 pm AEDT

Re: why can't I cope longer?

You have to do what you are comfortable with @Adge I do wish someone would snap you up though - you have had such a horrible run with work and you deserve so much better.

I whole heartedly agree - physical pain is soooo draining. It affects us mentally as well - so a double whammy Look after yourself as best you can and hope that it begins to improve quickly.

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

AdgeSenior Contributor15 Jan 2021, 9:35 pm AEDT

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Thanks @Zoe7 It's not just me then - Who finds physical pain draining.

I've been So extra tired (past few days) - Then I realised "That's probably because it Really Hurts"....

Adge

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Zoe7Senior Contributor15 Jan 2021, 9:39 pm AEDT

Re: why can't I cope longer?

I find fighting that pain very tiring @Adge - especially the tummy pain because meds do not help - just need to ride it out and that takes sooo much energy as well as dealing with the pain itself. So you are definitely not alone there buddy.

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Unknown userMember15 Jan 2021, 9:56 pm AEDT

Re: why can't I cope longer?

Oh @Adge - job hunting is so depressing, especially when were older. I've given up but hope to get a bit of volunteer work maybe, ifvi can find something nice. Vol work could give you that 'experience' you need perhaps.
Sorry re tummy and backpain. I have scoliosis too and reckon those pinched nerves give us a lot of transfered pain the drs can't quite figure out. Chiropractors can.
Hope you get that drain sorted. I'm glad I rent - had the plumber in today to fix the toot. Late Friday really showed with his attitude but I'm glad i can flush the loo again.
Today I had a dr apt, re cracker of a headache through the night - all OBS good so no pending stroke etc, just analgesia. Got groceries, script, mopped out the van, emptied a can of surface spray in van re left window open out there for days 😳 head bangscwhevi do anything so just taking it easy mostly. Residual headache all day a pain. Haven't eaten since breakfast re nausa but probably should eat something before bed, Back later.

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

outlanderSenior Contributor16 Jan 2021, 12:00 am AEDT

Re: why can't I cope longer?

@Former-Member 💜

In response to: Re: why can't I cope longer?

Unknown userMember16 Jan 2021, 3:26 pm AEDT

Re: why can't I cope longer?

@Zoe7 you feeling better today? I didn't know (or forgot) U have tummy probs. Is it IBS?
@Adge is your day ok? Anxiety and triggers settled down.
Hi @outlander CG🎖️ how are ya? Still tending horses & your pop? Is community guide difficult?
MY DAY is slow. Locked myself inside with portable air con blowing hard. Plenty to do if I set my mind to it.
Today is mum's passing anniversary 😞 3yrs now... I don't feel anything with this date, it's just a fact that's supposed to be sad. It's not happy and the cancer ate away more than half her body weight in 3yrs and she was so angry. It was horrible to watch her end, and the sibling rivalry troubles reacting in the background. Poor family. Horrible times. But this date I nearly forgot. Whatever that means I have no idea.
Next fortnight s the big ne. 😩 But I'm more rested now than I have been for few years so apart from isolation... 🤞 fingers crossed that baseline means I'll cope better.
It's good to have both the toot and treadmill fixed... I'm up to 12min x2day. Hope I notice it soon.
EOR🙏

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