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why can't I cope longer?

Unknown userMember09 Jan 2019, 10:22 pm AEDT

why can't I cope longer?

Something's not right alright... Not sure why I'm falling to pieces atm and short of listening ears. Hope someone here can put up with me.

I'm walking in circles at home... well, not literally, just can't seem to stay focused or finish anything... if I can even remember what it is I got out of the chair to do half the time...

And snappy with people, everywhere, rude even (which is so out of character for me), the slightest hint of being 'had' or criticised or misunderstood... oh boy, I just can't keep it in atm. The internal pressure cooker wants to explode & I don't know how to stop it.

I'm at the crossroads in life, moving and deciding if to bother starting again, or just quit on life / die.

And what's scary about that lately, is the thought of it doesn't make me scared anymore - like its just what I'm supposed to do. Do you think God would factor in a premature departure (suicide / depression?) like he accepts other illnesses that separate spirit & body?

Its just those kinds of dark thoughts, but not like crisis level or that, just trying to find my way, or other alternatives, something to look fwd to.... to keep me here. I can't see a future worth living & don't feel the internal resources keep fighting.

Don't tell me to run off & get antidepressants... I'm on them. Or psychotherapy - that's in progress... I think maybe I just want to be heard. Not changedchanged (disapproved of)... just cared about... Is that too much to ask from life? Oh I know God loves me and all that, but I still live on earth...

Do you know what I'm trying to say?Does anyone ever feel this way? I just feel so totally spent - the end of the line... ... ...

My two church supports are away at the moment, not that I lean on them heavy, I'm just conscious there gone...

Ha! Horrible feeling like the only close people in ya life need to take a holiday away from you, well, maybe some of the others I notice they have to deal with more, none the less - feeling abandoned 😞

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In response to: why can't I cope longer?

Unknown userMember01 Apr 2019, 11:02 pm AEDT

Re: why can't I cope longer?

How was your Monday?
I had apt with dr re terrible hip / thigh pain all weekend. Dr thinks Bursitis 😣 waiting on radiology results.
So much more sympathy in the world for physical pain, as apposed to emotional / psychological pain, even got a lift back & forth... Very painful, think I have a low pain threshold...

In response to: why can't I cope longer?

Zoe7Senior Contributor02 Apr 2019, 7:28 am AEDT

Re: why can't I cope longer?

I don't get into the city much unless for appointments @Former-Member and I don't generally keep up with things I am not interested in - the Vestival of Voices is not something I get into. It is a great event for the city but not of interest to me. I actually don't go out much at all (almost never infact) - I much prefer being home with my fur babies.

I understand you would want to settle somewhere for winter - get through the colder months and then consider where you will go in spring sounds like a good idea. Tassie is still pretty cool in Spring - it doesn't really start warming up much until later in the year. I actually hate the cold but have good heating. This year will be a bit harder because I will be at work in the colder months so will need to keep rugged up and hopefully away from sick kids to avoid any illnesses. Fingers crossed I stay well and can remain at work because I have no sick days left.